[rmart201]

Me and my ex-girlfriend dated for about 3 years. It was not perfect, we had our problems but we love each other very much. About a year ago I moved to another country to obtain a masters degree. I knew she would not go with me, she is very close to her family, and I did not know if I would ever go back to that country. I thought I would be cruel to be kind as they say, and broke it off before I left so she would not wait around for me, big mistake. Now I am returning to that country and preparing to move back there I came across her number. While we were apart, I did date other people, but they did not workout because I am still so deeply in love with her, and decided not to see anyone else because that would not be fare to the other person. I only can love one person.

I figured texting would be the safest thing to do. I did not know if she still had the same number or if she hated me for all the things I put her through. I did e-mail her after crying my eyes out a few months after I moved, but she never responded and I deleted her e-mail address so I would not do it again. A little over a day later she texted me back.

It was the biggest surprise of my life. She said she just got married 3 months ago. She said that she thought she would never see me again and that is why she did it, but she never stopped thinking of me. "OMG what did I do, I should have waited 4 you..." That she loves me so much, way more than she loves her husband. She dreams of me, she calls her husband by my name sometimes.

After that conversation we have been IMing for 8 to 13 hours at a time the last few days. Her husband is in the army and won't be back until this weekend. It has been like we have never been apart, and yet, we have grown so much as people that it seems all the problems we had in the past are gone. We fought in the past over 2 things, she did not want me even to talk to another girl which was a problem because my best friend at the time was a girl and that in her culture the man goes to work and gives all his money to the wife while I believe that marriage is more of a partnership where we both work, we have no children together, put our money in an account and spend it equally. Since moving away and getting a degree, I really don't talk to that friend anymore and being a student, I have become used to not having any money, so it kind of fixed the problem from my end. I told her this and we talked about it and she said she knows how immature she was and that she does not feel that way anymore.

I feel like I have ruined her life. If I would have known she was married, I never would have contacted her. At first I tried to address her as I would to any married woman with respect and not overstep any bounds. But that did not last for long and we quickly started talking like old times, I love you... I miss you... I have turned the woman of my life into a cheat. I hate to call her that, but I know what we are doing is wrong. I have told her that I thinks she should leave him and be with me. I know that is very selfish, but she asked me and I cannot lie to her. She said that she doesn't want to hurt her husband, with I know she is doing right now and I have put her into a position that someone is going to get hurt.

The facts of their marriage as I know it is that her sister is also is married and in the army. They introduced them to each other and I suspect that they pushed her into it, but that is just speculation. They were not together very long before they got married. They got married mainly for the benefits that the army gives to married people. They did not even have a wedding. She got married at the courthouse in jeans. So to me, it is not a kind of marriage that she should be in anyway.

Any advice on this matter would be greatly appreciated for I know that my judgement is clouded and impaired. My brain says that I messed it up and should stop talking to her all together, we could never be just friends. My heart is saying that bounds have been crossed and you can never take that back. She will eventually look upon him with despise because he is keeping her from the person she truly loves, I know that is a bit dreamy but I haven't been myself the past few days. Personally speaking, I would rather a woman tell me as soon as possible that she is in love with another man, rather then going behind my back. That just makes her sound so awful. Please be kind with any responses regarding her, she is the love of my life.

[talaniman]

I think you use the same thing you used before to end things with her yet again. Stop contacting her, and ruining her life that she has moved on to.

You have already wasted enough time holding on to her, and its not fair to think its okay to go back and reclaim what you let go of already.

Doesn't matter if she loves you more than her husband, or if her marriage is a mistake, its still her life to lead.

Don't make her a lying cheater, or be the wedge between her, and her husband. Let her go, leave her alone.

Many would say follow your heart, but going down that path will create more problems for you both, and could poison that love you think you have. Its just not healthy, or wise to disrupt, or interrupt someone's life this way.

Now if she gets a divorce on her own, that's a different thing, but to cause this is just plain wrong, and I think you know that already.

[jheep]

Yes, you probably are not thinking straight at this time. Your feelings are overriding you. Don't allow it. It's good that you are somewhat aware of this.

If you continue with this, nothing good can come out of it. It's a death trap. Seriously.

It's not your place to rescue her or make her happy. Leave her alone. She's married. Recognize that as a boundary that no one should ever cross.

Life is hard enough. Don't complicate things for her. Let her go and move on. Sometimes there is no choice but to walk away, so walk away no matter how difficult it may be.

Focus on yourself as it will take time for you to adjust and live your own life without her. It's going to be very painful but it will get better with time. You will learn from the experience. You might not get to see the good at this time but you will appreciate it later. Trust me.

[Blairskiboy]

Im not going to snap on you like most people on this website would, imma break it to you mercifully. It's over, all right? She fell in love with another guy and heroes don't exist. I really am sorry, but you should break off relations with her until you think you can come to blows with this. It's DONE! You had your chance, don't ruin his.

[Fr_Chuck]

Break it off, it is not your place and does not matter what you feel. She married, and you moved away. If there had been real love she would have went with you, or you would not have left, sorry but that is how it works.

Let her have a chance at real happiness, break it off