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warriorprincess · Oct 23, 2011, 02:45 PM

And is an alcoholic, into the drug scene and sleeps around. He allows this because when she does come home, she is an "ok" mother to the kids, but because the kids cry for mom, it kills him inside. Now he is dying with cancer, and because she is the biological mom, he is adament she will get them, even though he wants custody given to his mom the grandma. Is this possible? Or is this a losing cause and those kids will be lost to this woman?

tickle · Oct 23, 2011, 02:48 PM

Good description of an accident waiting to happen. He needs a lawyer. He is 'dying' of cancer, and the mother is sometimes 'okay'. He allows it?

Get a good lawyer and get everything done to his satisfaction.

Tick

warriorprincess · Oct 23, 2011, 02:52 PM

He said that he did consult a lawyer and because she is biological mom, grandma stands only about 5% chance after he dies of getting the kids, and that is through extreme fighting in the courts. He is not wanting to set something in stone before he dies because of the 14 years he spent with the mother of the kids.

AK lawyer · Oct 23, 2011, 02:55 PM

Absent a court order to the contrary, the mother and father of a child share custody rights with respect to their children.

Originally Posted by warriorprincess

... he is adament she will get them, even though he wants custody given to his mom ...

Do you know what "admant" means? "resistant to reason; determined; inflexible; unshakeable; unyielding". It means that he insists. Therefore what you are saying here doesn't make any sense.

Should he die, custody would be awarded according to the childrens' best interests, although parents (such as a mother) are favored over other relatives. Is it likey that the mother will seriously contest it?

cdad · Oct 23, 2011, 02:58 PM

Who are you in all of this? You name implies that your female and the question is set in the third person format.

ScottGem · Oct 23, 2011, 03:10 PM

Children are not property that can be left to someone in a will. So the attorney was probably correct. Unless the mother can be proven unfit, if he dies, the children will be placed with the mother.

Fr_Chuck · Oct 23, 2011, 03:40 PM

He needs to now and really should have years ago, attempt to get her found unfit, The drug use, the deserting the kids should be good grounds for it.

His allowing her to come and go is not a good reference for him, and has not helped this case. ** since if she is unfit, why has he let her keep coming back ( her defense)

But if he does nothing, she will get them automatically.

warriorprincess · Oct 23, 2011, 09:39 PM

My bearing in this situation is not up for debate. What is the concern is for the children. Being that he only talked to 1 lawyer it does not allow him to get the entire picture, thus not giving him what he deserves, and that's comfort knowing that his children will be with whom he decides. What ever way you look at this picture, it's the kids that are going to suffer, not only does that kill me because I care for those kids, but I know it hurts him, and till the day he dies he wants to make sure those kids are happy, that's even having to deal with her, as long as she is good to those kids when she is around. Which is a hit and miss. Abandament issues are already being seen in the kids behavior.
Thank you for your replies. Appreciate the insight.

ScottGem · Oct 24, 2011, 03:27 AM

Originally Posted by warriorprincess

my bearing in this situation is not up for debate.

I find this curious. You were asked who you are in this, because the answer may help us provide advice for this father. It was not an issue of "debate" but rather an info gathering to give us a fuller picture. Why the attitude? You came here asking us for help. Sometimes we need to ask for more information to enable us to give quality advice. Your attitude actually make your relationship to this situation even more important for us to get the full picture.

In this situation one lawyer's opinion is probably enough. The law is clear. Unless he can prove the mother unfit, if she wants custody, she stands a good chance of getting it.

Fr_Chuck · Oct 24, 2011, 10:39 AM

Agreed, first a poster can not set limits on how it is answered.
After that, there is no mention of any current court orders or any custody agreement.

So the mom has full rights to the child and upon the death of the father, she will just get them without any question or court action.

She will have to in court be proven to be unfit, no will, not trust, nothing can be done to stop her short of actual legal work in family court