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aseika · Oct 23, 2011, 06:14 AM

Hello again. Ok, long story short. My ex broke up with me A YEAR AND A HALF ago. He kept contacting me and telling me we should play it by ear etc etc. Until I found out he was seeing other girls, and I told him to get lost.I had a really hard time getting over him, but I did it. I tried the no contact thing and it worked to some degree, and we have both been seeing other people. Cool. I went for a drink with him about a week ago, this is a small town and we have the same friends. I guess I went because I thought we had both moved on a small bit and I guess now I'm trying to be friends, for myself more than anything. Thing is, he got incredibly drunk, we both did! We were having a lot of fun and it was really nice just to hang out and let it be just that. And then out of nowhere, he turned around and said he likes the girl behind the bar, and that I need to get over it. Exact words! I said, cool what's her name? And he couldn't tell me. He then went on to say that I'm weird and that he's leaving, and then he stormed off. (He was completely wasted) It felt like he was trying to hurt me? He didn't really like the girl behind the bar. Weird! So I figured this guy needs more time? I told him maybe we should stop contact just for a while more and he agreed! Then he emails me? Just some joke I spose, maybe because he was bored. But I told him we should leave it alone for a while. AND I randomly bumped into him in town last night, I was with my girlfriends and one of them blurted which club we were heading to and later on he followed us down, and almost tried to come on to me again. What the hell is going on with him?

JudyKayTee · Oct 23, 2011, 06:29 AM

This has been going on since prior to January 2011 - https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...e-540557.html; https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...-588099-2.html - over 10 months. I wouldn't count too much on your memory of what he said about the girl behind the bar because, as you said, "Thing is, he got incredibly drunk, we both did!" I wouldn't rely on my memory if I were incredibly drunk.

Why is he acting this way? Because you're allowing him to act this way. Stop talking to him, stop seeing him, stop trying to figure him out.

Maybe he enjoys toying with your emotions. Maybe he's a jerk. Who knows - but you've spent 10 months allowing this guy to upset you. Time to walk away.

aseika · Oct 23, 2011, 06:34 AM

Yeah you're right, thought we could just be friends at this stage. Im friends with all of my exes. Oh well. Silly me!

JudyKayTee · Oct 23, 2011, 06:35 AM

I never wanted to be enemies but I never wanted to hang out with an ex after he became an ex. No people ever say "It's over" at the same time.

aseika · Oct 23, 2011, 06:41 AM

This is true. Its definitely over for me. I live in a tiny town though so I thought it would be somewhat good for both of us to just get on with things. Im just being silly and Selfish maybe!

odinn7 · Oct 23, 2011, 07:23 AM

Really... it's been said but it needs to be followed... no contact. Ignore him. I don't know what his plan is, whether he wants to hurt you or maybe get you back but, he sounds like an idiot and you're probably way better off without him. Since there has been so much time, move on... walk away and don't look back.

JudyKayTee · Oct 23, 2011, 07:51 AM

Are you sure you believe the relationship is over from your side of things?

aseika · Oct 23, 2011, 08:02 AM

Well, I know Im not in love with him anymore. When I found out about the other girls I called it a day with him and started no contact until recently. I guess I still care about him a little. I've just never really come across an ex who ended things with me and wouldn't let me go, and who Ive asked time and again to just leave me be so I can get on with things. It was confusing for a while but I figured that he must never have loved me at all and just wanted to have his cake and eat it too. We were very close, it was the most intimate and deepest relationship I have ever had and Ive never been heartbroken like I was when it ended. I've been dating, I guess my problem is is that I haven't found anybody I like as much as I liked him! I know it'll take time though!

JudyKayTee · Oct 23, 2011, 08:29 AM

- and it sounds like your head is on straight. I think he's one of those guys you just need to stay away from.

talaniman · Oct 23, 2011, 12:52 PM

Who takes a drunk seriously, especially when they get drunk?

He was an idiot sober, he is an even bigger idiot drunk. And you expected to be friends with this drunk idiot? Now that you know better, cancel that friend wish.

Jake2008 · Oct 24, 2011, 09:32 AM

Living in a small town makes a difference, where it is inevitable that you will run into him, socially and otherwise.

My advise to you is to treat him like a stranger. Be polite when circumstances dictate, but keep any and all conversations short, and walk away. To show any interest at all, will only keep this ball rolling.

Don't engage in gossip you hear about him, from friends. Stop it right from the get-go, and say you do not want to know. Repeat if necessary. If you are giving other friends the impression that you are interested in anything he's up to- that will get back to him.

If you haven't already, delete and block from all electronic communication- phone, email, etc. Don't respond should anything get through.

A relationship didn't work out with this guy, and nor will a friendship. He is not good material for either.

Don't be afraid to realize that while you may always have feelings for him, if you can trust yourself to accept that it really is over, moving on will be easier.

And finally, if holding on to what was/what may be again (even a friendship) is holding you back emotionally, and new relationships are always shadowed by him, it is time to see a counsellor. There are very practical ways through therapy that will help you accept the 'end', and make it easier to put this man in the past where he belongs.

Good luck.

mmresd · Oct 24, 2011, 06:59 PM

Exes are exes for a reason, you move on, staying friends sometimes is not recommended. I personally have chosen never to talk to an ex of mine, ever. Sometimes I do see them out in frequently visited bars, but we just say hi and that is it, no exchange of phone numbers, no getting drunk with one another, nothing. Maybe he is playing with you because you allow him to do so? Put your foot down and tell him to F off.