[forksandspoons]

I am a 21 year old guy. Before your brainwashed conformed mind labels me a pedophile, let me present my case.

1) I can get a girl my own age. Trouble is, I don't want anyone but this girl. We share the same values, and view on life. She is very mature for her own age. I never looked at a girl her age this way before, and never expected it to happen.

2) When we met, I thought she was at least 18. She looks older than she is, and I look younger than 21. We both look about 17/18. When we found out each others age, I told her we had to stop talking, and we did for a week. However, we were both depressed and missed each other and began talking again.

3) I have made it very clear to her that I would gladly wait 3 and a half years for her to become of age before having sex, and I mean that. I have no expectations or demands. I just need her in my life. I told her I want to meet her parents and ask for their approval before getting more serious.

4) She loves me. Many people will say "A 14 year old doesn't know what love is." Who really does? I asked her why she loved me and she gave me all the right reasons. If she didn't, I would have stopped this. She gets plenty of attention from boys her own age and could get someone better looking than me.

And who says she can't know? American values? That's just code for white middle-class prejudices and discrimination, justification for greed and hatred. I believe in giving everyone, as I encounter them, one at a time the full value of their dignity and their honor in the world, without premature judgment. I call that a value.

What does America know about love? This is a country where nearly 50% of all marriages end in divorce. A country where thousands of men spend thousands of dollars on prostitutes in marriage, and women have their clitoris's forcibly removed to decrease sexual pleasure to help resist cheating on their husbands. A county that watches who wants to marry a millionare, and the bachelor. I don't think American values are the best reference on what love is.

5) Bottom line is, I could NEVER hurt her. Ever. I would never influence her to do something she doesn't want to do or corrupt her morals. I want to able to walk around and hold her hand. To cuddle up on the couch and watch a movie. To hear her wonderful giggle and look in to her eyes. Does that make me a bad guy? If so, COME AT ME.

[Curlyben]

Interesting that you label yourself in this manner before you've even started.
The real issue here is that you are an ADULT involved with a CHILD, pure and simple.
I'm not even going to start talking about "feelings", but you are both doing each other a disservice in fooling yourselves that this will continue.

Interesting that you feel the need to justify this to a bunch of anonymous people, so you clearly understand why this is wrong.
If you truly do "love" her, then leave her alone until such time as you will NOT get into serious trouble with this pursuit.

[Fr_Chuck]

Please get professional help you need serious help since you try to justify being a pedophile.

[forksandspoons]

Care to explain? Be more specific?

A generic answer like that is of no help and lacks any critical thinking whatsoever. I tried to address that school of thought by saying

"American values? That's just code for white middle-class prejudices and discrimination, justification for greed and hatred. I believe in giving everyone, as I encounter them, one at a time the full value of their dignity and their honor in the world, without premature judgment. I call that a value."

Also, I am not a pedophile if I am not having, or perusing sex with her.

Every situation is different, care to try another answer?

[Wondergirl]

Are people in real life giving you grief over this? What do her parents say about your friendship? Why do you feel the need to come to an Internet site to defend your feelings for this girl? What's really going on?

[Fr_Chuck]

Yes, you want and desire a 14 year old child. You know the age and can not move on.

Next don't matter if you are in almost any nation with any moral standards at all, a adult does not chase after a minor child.

Your rambling of desire shows a need for professional help since it lacks any common sense and tries to justify illegal actions.

You are since you know you are, desire for a minor child is all one needs to know.

[forksandspoons]

I didn't label myself anything. Id be a damn fool to not acknowledge our ages. We have been at this a while and our feelings aren't going anywhere.

I don't need to "justify" it to anonymous people. I am still somewhat on the fence about the whole thing. [edited] It will come to change how everyone sees me. Like I said, I don't want to hurt her, or waste her time, but I do believe she has real feelings for me. On the other hand, I do love her. I respect her, her age, her family, and our society, and I would continue to do so in a real relationship with her. Maybe this is my chance to be happy. Life is way to short to not try being happy.

[Wondergirl]

I dont need to "justify" it to anonymous people.

But don't you see? You're doing exactly that. (And stirring up a hornet's nest in the process.)

Have you been to college and/or are working in a job you enjoy? Does your young lady friend have plans yet for her future?

[forksandspoons]

Sorry frchuck, until you can pose an intelligent point as to how I am lacking common sense I can't take you seriously. I believe I made valid points, while all you say is "illegal". It is NOT illegal to date. I already expressed my will to wait for her to become of age before engaging in a sexual relationship. I value love much, much more than sex.

Thank you wondergirl. Maybe subconsciously I am trying to justify it, but I need to talk to someone about this. We are keeping our relationship hush hush for now. We usually just talk on the phone.

I went to college for 2 years. Currently, I am in a transitional period. I work full time saving money while living at home. I am not ready to start a family and be a "grown up" (for lack of a better word). I won't be for a few years, and she would be an adult by then.

She is a dancer, and plans on going to dance school after high school.

[Wondergirl]

I need to talk to someone about this.

Talk away! I'm listening. Do her parents know you?

You do realize you are playing with fire if the two of you are doing this "hush hush" -- eventually her parents will figure out what's going on (unless they are not good parents).

[Fr_Chuck]

So does her parents welcome you with open arms when you go to pick up her for a date ?

Are you ready to go to the JR PROM with her

[forksandspoons]

We are not sneaking around. I don't see her in person often. That would be selfish, and unfair to her, and her family. I want to be able to see her though. Before I do that, I would meet her parents. If you can't tell, I really am I good guy. Not a stereotypical 21 year old sex starved beer drinking madman. I would present myself honestly. If they rejected me, I would be unhappy, but respect their decision. She does have good parents. They are very involved and caring from what she tells me.

Yes I would go to the JR prom with her. I want to go see all of her dance recitals, even though I know nothing about it. I want to be a good BF for her because she deserves it. I don't care what people would think of me, as long as her, and her parents approve.

[JAMDixon]

I would say first talk to her parents before anything else. If they say no, stay away from her until she is legally an adult. I respect your decision to stay away sexualy, but be aware that in the next few years she is going to want to do things that combat this. That will be a struggle -I believe your willingness to stay away, just be prepared. As to what to expect from her dancing I can definitely help you there. Dance recitals and competitions are pure chaos. She will mostly be running around like a chicken with her head cut off in some of the craziest costumes and more than likely be extremely nervous. If she is the nervous type that says things she doesn't mean because she is going crazy; be sure to ignore it for that day-you will make it worse when she doesn't even realize what she is saying. There is also the chance that she is not that type and you have nothing to worry about. Above all be supportive and let her know she is the best one out there!

[J_9]

I am a mother of a daughter, although my daughter is 18 now, she once was 14 and I can tell you what to expect when you meet her parents, but I'm not sure it is something you will want to hear.

[Wondergirl]

You're a good writer, forks, and seem to be a logical thinker (once you get off your defensive soapbox). I agree that you really need to find ways to get to know her parents and somehow let them in on how you feel about their daughter.

Is she their only daughter or the first-born one, which place in the family will give you another hurdle to jump?

Your young friend is going to be experiencing many life-changing situations over the next years as she goes through high school and college or a dance school. (You may remember how you were at 14 and how much you have matured over the years.) And even if your hormones have settled down, hers will be going wild, so be aware of that.

Please keep us up to date if you talk with her parents about this.

[forksandspoons]

Yes J9, I would very much like to hear. Take in to account what I am saying, and keep in mind I would follow any of their rules to prove myself. Not that looks are of major importance, but I have a clean appearance. I look about 17 or 18. I am often told I have an honest face. Im not sure if that makes a difference, but I feel like some dope with long hair, an ungroomed beard, and raggy clothes wouldn't even get his foot in the door.

[Wondergirl]

How did you meet her?

Do YOUR parents know about this?

[J_9]

Yes J9, I would very much like to hear. Take in to account what I am saying, and keep in mind I would follow any of their rules to prove myself. Not that looks are of major importance, but I have a clean appearance. I look about 17 or 18. I am often told I have an honest face. Im not sure if that makes a difference, but I feel like some dope with long hair, an ungroomed beard, and raggy clothes wouldnt even get his foot in the door.

I believe you are a well spoken young gentleman and your intentions are good. However, yeah, there it is, that dreaded HOWEVER, you are too old to be dating a child of this age.

No matter your appearance, you would not get your foot in our door when my daughter was 14 without staring down a loaded .44, and probably not even now that she is 18. Her father is not going to believe your intentions. Her father is going to remember what it was like to be your age and he will do all he can to protect his daughter.

I do have to wonder what the two of you have in common.

and women have their clitoris's forcibly removed to decrease sexual pleasure to help resist cheating on their husbands.

Please clear this up for me. I am a registered nurse specializing in women's health here in America. This practice is illegal in America.

So, please come clean now. Are you a 21 year old man? Are you really in the U.S?

[ScottGem]

I've read through this thread and I must say I'm somewhat dismayed by your attitude. From reading your initial post, I got the impression of a nice guy caught up in something that you felt was wrong in some ways but right in others. But some of your responses have gone over the line to rude and insulting and have been removed.

I'm going to chalk those up to the emotions you feel.

I believe you are sincere though. I think you really have feeling for this girl that go beyond lust, so I don't think you are a pedophile or even in danger of being one.

But I think you are being unfair to this girl. She is a child (no matter how mature you think she is). She needs time to grow up and not be saddled with someone your age infatuated (or otherwise) with her. So my advice to you is to back off.

I don't know how you met her or what the relationship with the family is, but I would wait 3-4 years. Maybe continue to be on the peripheries of her life. But not maintain a romantic relationship. Once she turns 17 (or better yet 18), then you can pursue that romantic relationship.

[forksandspoons]

Thanks wonder. Writing and language was always my strong suit. Im hoping my sharp tongue will give me a punchers chance when I meet her parents.

She is a middle child. She has one older brother, and a younger sister.

I know our relationship would be unconventional, but I think it can be good for her. I can try to help her along the way as I have a little more life experience. She can talk to me about things she can not with her parents, or horny immature teenage boys.

Like I said, she is very mature. Ill try to keep this short..

She told me a story of a girl at her school that gets picked on everyday. Its so bad the girl eats lunch alone in the bathroom. At that age, once a group starts picking on someone, everyone joins in, just to be cool. My girls best friend is one of the girls who teases the bullying victim. She is the only one who stands up for the poor girl, even to her best friend. She isn't friends with the victim, she knows it is the right thing to do. I know many girls my age who would join in on the teasing. That is not the act of a 14 year old. She is above that, and she will make a remarkable woman some day. That is why I love her.