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    Tejdp's Avatar
    Tejdp Posts: 7, Reputation: 3
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    #1

    Oct 21, 2011, 07:08 PM
    How do I get her to love me the way I love her?
    I never believed in true love. But it all changed when I saw her. I knew the moment I saw her that she is the one. I didn't want to rush things. I wanted to get her know me better. But she has a boyfriend already and they are in a relationship for five years. But from past three years, it is a long distance relationship. They live in separate countries. We got pretty close together but she always sees me as a friend. I am madly in love with her and I feel like there is nothing else in the whole world worth living for except her. I love her the way she is. I love everything about her, every single detail. I can't imagine living with out her. How do I let her know how I feel? How would she react if I did? What do you think I should do? Please tell me what you think.
    liz28's Avatar
    liz28 Posts: 4,662, Reputation: 1034
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    #2

    Oct 21, 2011, 07:20 PM
    She sees you has a friend, and she is involved with someone, no matter if it is long distant, can't you handle rejection, or being the other guy?
    Tejdp's Avatar
    Tejdp Posts: 7, Reputation: 3
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    #3

    Oct 21, 2011, 07:35 PM
    I can handle rejections. I really can. But with this girl, it is different.Its like when you meet a person and you know that she is the one, and you can't do anything about it because she is in a relationship already. Am I just supposed to watch her pass by..? It is so not fair..!

    I don't want to be her friend. I don't want to be the guy who she comes to talking about the fights she had with her boyfriend. I want her. I love her so much that even I did not know that I could love anyone the way I love her now. What do I do? Just let her go? What if things don't work out with her boyfriend? What if he is not right for her? I am afraid that if I didn't let her know how I feel, I would regret it the rest of my life, wondering what would have happened if I did.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #4

    Oct 22, 2011, 12:36 PM
    Easy guy, you are obsessed on a female who is unavailable, and it may not be fair, but you do have to let her go, since you cannot be friends. The way to avoid the trap you have fallen into, is to have a social life that doesn't involve her, with friends, family, and activities that you enjoy, so the brain has something else to think about other than her.

    Leave her alone if you cannot cope with your feelings, or control your thoughts. That's what I would do if she already has a boyfriend, and didn't want to be in the friend zone and hear her issues with her boyfriend. Let her get a girl friend for that stuff. Why be miserable over things you can't have?
    Tejdp's Avatar
    Tejdp Posts: 7, Reputation: 3
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    #5

    Oct 22, 2011, 01:00 PM
    So, you think I should not even tell her how I feel about her?
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #6

    Oct 22, 2011, 01:57 PM
    To what purpose? Do you think she will leave her boyfriend for you or something?

    No, confessing feelings to an unavailable female is the ultimate disrespect of her, and her relationship, and puts her in a position to choose and if she chooses him, not you, any friendship will be destroyed, or lead to more misery than just being rejected, because trust me you won't like being friends even, once your hopes are dashed to bits.

    Even if she chooses you, don't think this fellow will just let her go, she will still be having to listen to him get her back, and this will cause you both a lot of misery, jealousy, and anger, especially if its done behind your back.

    Even if she jumps out of his arms to yours she will still have old unresolved feelings and won't be ready to be a good partner for long, and that will make YOU and rebound while she heals old wounds, and gets strong enough to not even need you any longer.

    No, my friend you do not confess feelings for her, you deal with YOUR feelings in positive ways and accept HER feelings for you are not a strong as YOUR feelings for her.

    In this way, YOU keep dignity and respect for yourself, and don't bring misery, and pain into both your lives. You cannot control her feelings, but you darn better have control of your own, and don't act out of impulse and do something stupid, to make yourself look foolish.

    All the females in the world, its not smart to be stuck on one that already has another. You probably would never trust her because a female that can cheat. And jump from another guy to you, can jump from you to another guy. That would not make for a happy healthy fun relationship, now would it?

    Something's a man keeps to himself, because you never know what the future holds. The butt you save may be your own. I mean how would you feel if some other guy was confessing his feelings to YOUR girl, and she was thinking about it?
    Tejdp's Avatar
    Tejdp Posts: 7, Reputation: 3
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    #7

    Oct 22, 2011, 02:17 PM
    I appreciate your time and advice. Thank you. I will deal with it.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #8

    Oct 22, 2011, 02:20 PM
    How??
    Tejdp's Avatar
    Tejdp Posts: 7, Reputation: 3
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    #9

    Oct 22, 2011, 02:34 PM
    Well, I don't know man, I have never been in love before. Relationships, yeah but love, no. Never felt this way before. This women is special. Can't even imagine of letting her go. I don't know what I am going to do. I will love her more. I will wait for her to realize. I can't even see other women now, the way I see her. Damm, I feel like my situation is so messed up. I lost interest in all other girls, no matter how attractive they are. I was hoping she would realize her boy friend is not right for her. I mean, that guy even checks her mails and goes through her face book and twitter, can you believe that ? I feel like she has stopped being herself long time ago, and now I am hoping that I would make her see what she has been missing. You still think its just an obsession..?
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #10

    Oct 22, 2011, 03:28 PM
    Yes, I do think it has become an obsession. What else would you call something that has no hope of succeeding, yet you hope and chase it any way, instead of walking away and dealing with the reality of your situation until you get your rational mind back?

    I have another word also, its DENIAL, of the fact she is unavailable to you despite your hopes. Leave her alone so you can see the FACTS, instead of carried away by the FEELINGS. Enjoy doing other things, and feelings for others will return.
    Tejdp's Avatar
    Tejdp Posts: 7, Reputation: 3
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    #11

    Oct 22, 2011, 05:20 PM
    Your thoughts are logical. Yeah. I agree. But, Have you ever loved somebody so much that she is worth everything? Ever felt like, for her, you can do anything with out a second thought? Well, I am just saying.. you know, trying to tell how I feel. So BAD that my first ever true love, as true as it is, is for nothing and it kind of kills me to accept the fact that when you find out you can have such feelings towards someone and still have to let everything go?! Is there anything else in this world worse than that..?
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #12

    Oct 22, 2011, 05:36 PM
    Been there a few times my friend. It sucked every time, the first and all the rest. I learned what to do and became grateful, because not only did the experiences like that make me better, and wiser, but stronger, and ready for when I finally did get the love of my life who felt for me as I do her. It still sucked though, every freakin' time!

    Hurt back then, but we thrive and survive, and get better, and appreciate getting through it. And doing it all again. That's just life, when it knocks you down, or disappoints you, you just keep living because you KNOW you will get back into it. Eventually.

    That first time is rough, because you don't know what to do or expect, but LOL, even after you do know what to do, its still sucks, so many of us understand your feelings now, we have had them too, so you are not alone my young friend. We all feel you!
    Tejdp's Avatar
    Tejdp Posts: 7, Reputation: 3
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    #13

    Oct 22, 2011, 05:47 PM
    Thanks for understanding. I will try and get over her. Hope I will, eventually. I heard many times that Life is so unfair, and now, I now it is. I will remember it for the rest of my life.
    vanheart's Avatar
    vanheart Posts: 2,806, Reputation: 708
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    #14

    Oct 22, 2011, 08:57 PM
    The thing is:

    "But she has a boyfriend already"

    Stay away from girls with boyfriends.

    I can't boil it down any further.

    It's the Buts,. Not butts.
    mmresd's Avatar
    mmresd Posts: 2,002, Reputation: 553
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    #15

    Oct 25, 2011, 05:03 PM
    She is off limits, leave her alone. Respect her relationship.
    tigers2's Avatar
    tigers2 Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #16

    Oct 27, 2011, 08:24 AM
    You need to tell her. She may feel the same and don't want to ruin your friendship. It will never work in two different countries and she deep down knows that. Tell her you don't want to ruin your friendship but you do need to tell her something important that might would change things but if she does not feel the same you don't want to loose your friendship with her.
    vicente88's Avatar
    vicente88 Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #17

    Jul 12, 2012, 08:58 AM
    Hi... I have the same problem with a women but in my case she is single and she knows how do I feel for her, but her las relationship last for 5 years and she still not forget him... She told me all of the things he did to her for the last few years from being with other women too lie, to don't even care about her... anyway for the past 2 years we had sex and kiss many times but in the end never a relationship I really love her what should I do

    I should mention we bouth live in the same country but we were born in different countries, and her ex boyfriend its from the same country as her... please help me.
    mmresd's Avatar
    mmresd Posts: 2,002, Reputation: 553
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    #18

    Jul 12, 2012, 10:09 AM
    Respect her and her relationship and back off, she is off limits to you. This is not love is obsession, and a very advanced one. You need to control yourself, see a professional if you can't get over it, you need to go no contact with her so that you don't keep going forward.

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