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    goldagarda's Avatar
    goldagarda Posts: 16, Reputation: 3
    New Member
     
    #1

    Oct 7, 2011, 05:03 PM
    How can I support my boyfriend, and how do I cope with not seeing him often?
    My boyfriend is working a job that means he works long, irregular hours and usually 7 days a week. He's doing this job purely for money, because he is struggling to get work in the industry he wants to be in (music) as there just isn't enough work to go round. He is staying with his best friend at the moment in his study which has a sofa bed, so he doesn't really have his own space. I don't get to see him often, but when he does have time, he always tries to see me and makes sure he calls every day.

    I have a few things I could really do with some opinions and advice on:

    1. When I see him, I have to go to him, at his friend's, as he will have to be up early the next morning for work, and mine is an extra hour's journey time. But I'm starting to feel awkward being at his friend's as my boyfriend is stopping there rent-free. His friend is welcoming, but we never really have our own space their. Anyone been in a similar situation or have any suggestions?

    2. I'm finding the time away from him very difficult. I'm in my final year of uni and have my own friends, so can keep myself busy but I miss him all the time and he is always on my mind. I worry every time I make plans to see friends etc, it will be the only night ill get to see him for a couple of weeks. What can I do to make this easier?

    3. I disagree with the way my boyfriend is going about things at the moment. I would never let him know this, but I'm finding it very difficult to deal with the fact that I really think he should be doing things differently. I have the opinion that you can't always do what you want when you want in life and sometimes you have to make a compromise, whereas he sees that as giving up on what he really wants. I know I have to let him make his own choices and I do. I am supporting his decision, but finding it really very hard. Again, any advice?

    4. Is there anything anyone can suggest I can do to support my boyfriend, or to help him out? It's hard to make his life a little easier with small gestures like cooking him a meal. As I mentioned, we don't really have the space to do this where he is living at the moment.

    5. I'm having a lot of trouble with one of the girls I live with. I've accepted that we will never really get along, but I recently found that she has spread some vicious lies about me, which has been very difficult for me to deal with. I am OK, and am dealing with this quite well now, but my boyfriend feels guilty that he can't be with me every time I have a problem with her. How do I reassure him that I'm coping? I suffer with anxiety and he's worried it will trigger a panic attack and he won't be there to help me through it.


    If you managed to make it through all that, please help!
    sunbeamrunner's Avatar
    sunbeamrunner Posts: 42, Reputation: 8
    Junior Member
     
    #2

    Oct 7, 2011, 05:32 PM
    Wow you certainly have a lot going on at the moment. How long do you have left at uni? Perhaps one of the options is that you move in together once you have finished uni. That way you will have your own space and be able to spend more time together. I know it does not solve the problem now but it is something to focus on and work towards.

    Your boyfriend's friend seems very accomidating. It has been very kind of him to offer your boyfriend somewhere to stay rent free. Your boyfriend needs to be careful to not take advantage of his friend. It is great that he is happy for you to come over but you need to understand that this awkwardness you feel isn't going to change as long as he is in that living situation.

    As hard as it may be, I think you need to have an open and honest discussion with your boyfriend. Voice your concerns to him. Put it in a way that shows you are mentioning this because you Love and Miss him, that perhaps he could put his ambitions on hold for just a short while until you can maybe get a place together.

    Ultimately he needs to work out what his priorities are at the moment and where you fit into that. Is he willing to put things on hold for the meantime? Are you willing to support him if you moved in together and he focused on his music ambitions?
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #3

    Oct 8, 2011, 06:53 AM
    How long have you been together, and how long have you known each other? Do you drive to see him, or catch a train? Can you go out for fresh air? A date? Why does he not visit you?

    3. I disagree with the way my boyfriend is going about things at the moment. I would never let him know this, but I'm finding it very difficult to deal with the fact that I really think he should be doing things differently. I have the opinion that you can't always do what you want when you want in life and sometimes you have to make a compromise, whereas he sees that as giving up on what he really wants. I know I have to let him make his own choices and I do. I am supporting his decision, but finding it really very hard. Again, any advice?
    I am not getting this, can you elaborate to exactly what you disagree with??

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