[Saddude32]

I would have never thought something like this could come to my head but the last couple weeks I have been putting myself in a huge depression/paranoia about being gay. Its my first year in college and been away from home for about a month. I have been in love with a girl since grade 8 basically off an on we have been together for the last 2 years and then she decided to cheat on me 2 weeks into college. I don't know why I have all of a sudden started thinking I am gay because I have never had thoughts like these in my head before and it is really taking over my mind making me not be able to focus because I keep asking the same thing over again in my head and trying to see if men attract me when I look at them. The men still don't attract me and I think woman are gorgeous still but since I have started thinking this way I feel so depressed that I can hardly look at guys in the face cause I am scared all of a sudden I am going to like them and I am timid to talk to girls because my confidence in myself has never been the greatest and think I will be judged. I have done stuff with girls but only ever had sex with the 1 girl that I have been with basically my whole life and always enjoyed sex a lot. I played football through out growing up and never had these thoughts about being gay even when we changed together nothing came to mind. I went through puberty at a young age I found but became only ever horny for woman and not men and if ever masturbated it would be woman. Ill even say to myself to see if I can relax that I am gay I guess but it makes me even more depressed and do not feel right saying that my conscience tells me to stop but it just the thoughts keep replaying in my head. I had only thought about this for a couple days and then it went away and I felt great but all of a sudden the thought of being gay has come back after my ex girlfriend has cheated on me. I have never seen a doctor or anything to know that I may suffer from OCD or paranoia but I have smoked pot since grade 7 and still do and was always paranoid when I smoked and have become more unsocial then I have ever been from it and have become a hermit in my house. I don't think it is normal to think this way and feel I am alone in a trap of depression its making me think completely stupid and way off from what I ever thought. I am not able to focus for school or do anything for that matter I just want to sleep and be left alone from everyone and smoke more because as much as I get paranoid and depressed ill still feel somewhat happy when I am high. I have always been a strong emotional person but this is started to tear me apart and don't want to do a thing and could even careless if I died and I have never been like this or even had those thoughts come to my head. People my whole life have told me I am a worry wart and over think everything. Maybe I just am over thinking about being gay but it is bothering me and I feel very depressed if anyone can understand what I wrote please send me some re assurance or your thoughts of how I can cope.

[CravenMorhead]

As far as I can tell you're not gay. You're girlfriend just cheated on you.

Considering what you wrote here you might want to talk to a counsellor about all this.

Nothing hurts like the first time. It is something you need to deal with emotionally.

[Saddude32]

Needed that I think I really appreciated it didn't say much but from just being reassured from a guy or woman who knows what there talking from what I read from your other answers. Just gave my head a shake and feel bit better.

[Wolfman09]

Hey man, I know exactly what you're going through, I'm actually going through the same thing right now. I've considered I was gay before, but it was just never something I had to worry about, I've only ever been with girls, and only get turned on by girls, but I'm having the same problems you're having, being paranoid about being gay and afraid of liking guys that I see, etc.; it's getting smothering for me, I can't relax at all and I'm terrified I'm going to do something stupid. How did you manage to calm yourself down? Any tips?

[kp2171]

Gay, striaght, or somewhere in between...

Trust nothing else I say

Fine...


Trust in this...

In your place, in your time, in where you are, it is OK, fine, and normal to be displaced, disrupted, and disturbed.

...

Please be easy on yourself.

Be willing to challenge yourself.

You are your worst critic.

...

I want nothing more from you than thie following...

Accept you are in a screwed up place. Please?

Know that you have time to work things out. Mistakes happen. Everyday. Blame me. I'm OK with that.

And be kind. Period. To yourself. To others. To those in real need.

...

Be the change you wish to see in the world.

And I I see you on the side of the road, I'm going to give you a ride and some help.

If you see my child in need, please help in kind.

Love is relentless, without barriers, without rules.

Be the change you wish to see in your life.