[Nebraska123]

I live with my boyfriend of almost 2 years. I recently developed health problems and went from full time to part time.. I am really trying to get a cheaper car because the car I have now is too expensive but of course I have to have a steady flow of income coming in to even get a loan. My boyfriend has impeccable credit. mine is not bad but his better. He will not offer to cosign.. He is pretty cheap when it comes to things.. I just always thought that the man should step it up when the woman needed help. I guess it just really bothers me that he is so cheap.. I am not asking him to pay the actual car payments.. He is cheap in other ways as well.. Anyway I practically consider us married.. I do most of the cleaning and cooking.. Am I expecting too much?

[Fr_Chuck]

You may consider yourself "married" but you are not married, and obviously he does not consider you two married. You are a lie in girl friend, who he has no finical commitment to.

If he co signed the loan and you broke up, he would have to pay for the car while you kept it. If you don't break up, but can't work, he has to pay for the car if he co signs.

So you cook, and clean and most likely provide him sex, that is because you don't or did not divide the duties properly starting this.

[Nebraska123]

Thanks for your insight. I do intend to keep working and eventually get back to full time but I do see what you mean. However after almost 2 years one would think that there would be trust. I would never want to put him in that situation. He does make decent money and is not in debt. I have to pay half for everything! And when he does pay, I feel bad because I know it bothers him. Anyway, thanks for your opinion. It was very helpful!

[mudweiser]

Does he support you finacially in any other way? Does he take you out to dinner or "dates", buy you nice things? Buy things for the home (i.e. new t.v. new couch)--- what does he do financially for the both of you?

Do you both split the bills or do you pay them?

If he isn't invested in you financially at all or very little then I see a red flag. Only because to me that means he doesn't want to be "tied down".

Have you asked him WHY he won't co-sign? What did he say?

[Nebraska123]

No he does not support me financially.. I guess I was just raised differently. When I made good money and my parents needed money I gave it to them.. I grew up very poor.. He did not. His father is practically a millionaire.. Lives on an island... I do appreciate the fact that he is responsible with his money but there is a limit to frugality... Isn't there?? His poor sister asked to move in with us just for a couple of months and he wanted to charge her rent.. I convinced him otherwise. Anyway he is obviously stingy with family as well. My concern isn't so much the car problem because my brother will help me. It is the fact that here I am with a man I love. Who says he loves me and implies that marriage is possible. Other relationships I have been in, some guys have gone out of their way to help. Anyway... we shall see..

Oh and no expensive things.. He got me a microwave from a pawn store once. We do go out but god forbid we do anything outlandish like order DINNER AND dessert.. He does bring me flowers every so often.. But of course without the vase.. Too expensive.. Lol..

[mudweiser]

There is frugal and then there is cheap and insulting.

This guy, from what I read isn't that great.

He makes you feel bad when you make him pay for things-- what the heck.

He doesn't take you out for dinner and dessert? That is strange to me!

If this guy's dad is a millionare and he too has a great job he should have at least bought you a nice microwave from Wal-Mart.

This guy sounds like a real douche bag.

I wonder what other things he doesn't support you in.

[Nebraska123]

That is why I am so confused.. He is amazing in so many other ways. He is super nice.. Intelligent.. Funny and friendly.. I know I am not a gold digger.. He is not rich anyway. I had the chance to marry rich but turned it down because the guy was not for me.. However, looking back that guy was definitely not cheap. I am not expecting jewelry from tiffany's or shopping trips. I just feel like we rarely do anything for us unless it is cheap. When we went on vacation.. Well sort of.. I went to visit my sister and her husband . He came for just a couple of days because he said the city was too expensive and he was on his way to his father's anyway.. He refused to get us a hotel. And wanted me to ask my sister to let us Both stay there! I was so embarrassed! We ended up staying with her father in law because he had a big place.. Anyway, I stayed in the relationship because of all the other wonderful attributes like him driving me to the doctor when I am really sick or just being really nice to me.. But now when I feel like I could use his financial help he is nowhere to be seen. It just scares me. I thought I could marry him but not so much anymore..

[talaniman]

I don't think you were expecting too much, wife or girlfriend, he could have helped in some way, however small. Think of that when you do MOST of the house hold chores, as maybe you give too much, like a wife would.

I think these events have taught you a hard lesson in reality, to be honest, so stop acting like a wife to one that doesn't act like a husband. No more assuming, and presuming.

Good luck.