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bexbex123 · Sep 23, 2011, 12:14 PM

I met this boy a few months ago and really like him but him smokes and get out of it all the time I really like him but I do not want to go out with some one like that
How do I make myself not like him

spitvenom · Sep 23, 2011, 12:51 PM

You should probably stop talking to him. Feelings for him aren't going to change if you keep seeing him and talking to him.

bonnienclyde · Sep 23, 2011, 01:20 PM

Does he know how you feel about his behaviour? And does he really like you, if he does he may start to control his actions for you.

talaniman · Sep 23, 2011, 04:03 PM

Dump him, and do the work of getting over him.

mudweiser · Sep 23, 2011, 05:57 PM

Be honest with him. Tell him you like him, but him smoking really turns you off and you can't see yourself dating someone like that.

Maybe he'll quit and get a reality check-- problem solved! Or maybe he won't and get mad at you for even saying that and dump you -- problem solved again. You'll get over him if he dumps you or he'll quit (I mean he is a teenager so how "addicted" can he be haha).

Either way the best thing to do is to be honest with your feelings.

bexbex123 · Sep 23, 2011, 11:25 PM

I as been somkeing since he was 11 how he is 16 I told him how I feel late night but he said him only started as of the death of his sister
She is 21 and she was in the car acciant and died
He said it's a way to forget about his life and that most of the time he wishs he was dead with her so that he did not need to no what was going on anymore
I have offered him last night to come and stay with us for a week or to and he said that he think about it
Kissed me and said see you at college
Do you think that he needs help about his sister death?
Do you think it will be good for him to come and stay with us for a few weeks?

talaniman · Sep 24, 2011, 09:14 AM

I can understand that you care, but saving his soul by taking care of him isn't that wise, and talking would be better. He hasn't asked for help, and lets be real here, what you want are for him to make changes, changes he may not be ready for or want.

If he wants changes, he will work for them himself, and you can support him, otherwise you have to accept the way he is, and let him deal with his own issues.

Helping a love one is a very powerful urge in caring people, but don't over step your boundaries, especially if he hasn't asked you. Listen if he wants to talk, but don't push. It's a delicate balance.

bexbex123 · Sep 24, 2011, 09:34 AM

I udstand what you are saying I just wish he take help

Darkestnights77 · Sep 24, 2011, 09:56 PM

Ooooh

I've been in the same situation :P well, he didn't really smoke, but, he wasn't very nice.
Well, to be honest, I tried to look at things in a realistic way. If there's something good about him that only you can see and believe in, then that's good, and you should probably tell him that. But if you can't find anything, and the only positive thing you can find in this person is his looks, well, there's not much I can say about that. All I can say is, that a person's looks aren't what's important. If he's beautiful on the outside, but rotten on the inside, then don't waste your time. Try finding someone who is worth your attention, not someone who will get nowhere if you two are in a relationship.

bexbex123 · Sep 25, 2011, 12:13 AM

It's not just his looks it the fact that when he is not out of it then he the most kind person ever do anything for anyone
But he can not see it and it hurts ever time I heard or see him the way he gets that why I love him but hate him
I do not do what to do about it

talaniman · Sep 25, 2011, 08:20 AM

If you cannot accept him for what he is, and not what you want him to be, then you leave him alone.

You have to be as honest about your feelings as you want him to be. Or deal with the conflicts. Because if he doesn't want to change, you can't change him, and if you can't accept him, you have to leave him, or fight a losing battle.