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mala513 · Sep 17, 2011, 07:02 AM

Hello, I'm a mother of 3 children and my oldest son said something at school without even thinking what will happened. He said that his dad is hitting him, but he does not doing that. The only way that my son is punished is that he is not allowed to play on his games, or watch the TV, after he has done something wrong.

And I have now got social worker to come in to my house for a visit. Do I have to worry, or is there anything I could do because I'm worried. Can you give some advice please?

Edited/T

artlady · Sep 17, 2011, 07:45 AM

The minute you heard *hitting * you needed to pay attention !
Do it now ,Your SON was telling you something.

joypulv · Sep 17, 2011, 07:56 AM

Children do lie but not as often as they tell the truth ('not thinking' is a meaningless concept; of course he was thinking, he just wasn't thinking about the adult consequences). If his father does spank him on occasion, don't YOU lie about it. There's many degrees and kinds of physical punishment. The social worker will be more accommodating if you tell her exactly what happens, when, and how often.

JoeCanada76 · Sep 17, 2011, 07:58 AM

I think it is possible that the father is hitting without your knowledge that is always a possibility and you need to look at that as well.

Advice since you have already a visit scheduled the only thing to do is have the visit and try to get to the bottom of why your son is stating that he is being hit.

You do understand that anytime there is any type of abuse claimed it has to be looked at seriously. They have to investigate. Whether it is true or not. At the same time if your so sure it is not happening then you have nothing to worry about? Do you?

tickle · Sep 17, 2011, 09:12 AM

Mala, whether your child is hit by his father, this is a standard procedure if the teacher has overheard a child say he is physically abused and child services is notified. They have to follow up. When they visit your home, she will probably inspect him for bruises, at first in obvious places, chest, arms, back and legs and talk to him, and you as well. Nothing may come of this, mala, but then again there might. Follow the guidelines the social worker sets out for you.

Tick

mala513 · Sep 17, 2011, 10:02 AM

I do understand that but I I am 100% sure that dad don't hit him the only one thing what I can think off is that can a child remember what happened in his first 3 years of life because I was with someone else in relationship and me and my previous partner have been argue at each other very often and he did hit me few times and my son have seen that but it was few years ago but never ever nothing wrong happened to my son I do love my kids and I'm just thinking does anything can happened now because I did read a lot on internet about social workers/

Fr_Chuck · Sep 17, 2011, 10:39 AM

First yes you have something to worry about, once CPS gets involved, they will look closely at everything. Also they will want to know why the child said this.

The school is required to report this type of thing.

mala513 · Sep 17, 2011, 11:25 AM

But is there anything I can do at the moment or wait for that visit from sc at home ?because I'm not from uk I'm from other country and I'm in the uk for few years only and I don't know how to deal with that things because my son is safe at home with me and my partner he never done anything wrong to him he does loves him like his own son?

Fr_Chuck · Sep 17, 2011, 11:38 AM

I have merged your posts, please merely add to this thread to add more info

mala513 · Sep 17, 2011, 12:25 PM

In my country few years ago I was in relationship with my previous partner for 3 years so he was a step dad to my son for his first 3 years but I left him because we have been argue a lot and he was hitting me to and my son have seen all of that.at the moment I'm with new partner for few years now and we are a happy family we got 2 more children and he does loves my son like his own son,and he has never done anything wrong to him. Sometimes like in all couples we do argue but its just a little but we don't shout at each other we don't fight or anything like that but when my son see when we argue he gets upset with that and saying to dad to don't hit mummy and I'm just thinking ( could that be that he still remember the past that's why he is saying that things that daddy hit him and that we do argue and we are fighting ) but we don't do that I don't know what to do with this ?

JoeCanada76 · Sep 17, 2011, 12:35 PM

That is also possible but these questions were addressed in your other posts as well.

It is always a possibility that this father figure is hitting him without your knowledge as well. You never know.

You also know that memories can be mixed up. The thing is why are you so so worried about this?

The reason why I am asking is you said the last few years this person has been a father role and all of a sudden he is being afraid of hitting or claiming to hit. Yet your not willing to listen to any of it. Whether true or not.

I think you need to stop looking at what might have happened many years ago and look at everything now. What has changed. What is going on?

The School already got involved and other agency got involved in looking into the situation so now you will just have to go through the process of the investigation.

If nothing is going on or happening then you do not have anything to worry about.

joypulv · Sep 17, 2011, 12:37 PM

We don't know who you are, so if you are worried about your immigration status, please say so.

It's better to just be pleasant and calm, have a clean house with healthy food (in case she looks), and then just say what you know about the punishments. Don't interrupt when she talks to your son. Have any medical records available, his shots and so forth, or childhood illnesses like mumps and measles. Let her look at his arms and legs and torso. Don't talk and talk and get upset, but don't clam up either. If all goes well, she may only be there a few minutes.

If your partner 'loves him like his own son' yet you said at first he is his dad, but he isn't, and you aren't married, be sure to be truthful when asked. Being truthful will get you much better results with all of this.

Again, if you are worried about your country status, please say so. I don't know if social workers in the UK report illegals when they are on a site visit about children who say they are being hit or not.