[Gangster1]

I recently broke up with my ex of 6 months after being separated for 2 years. We got back at the beginning of this year, only friends with benefits, seeing each other about 2 times a week sometimes once!

Well recently a month ago, she found someone else, and has contacted me. She said she isn't sure she wants to be with me, or with him, but saids I'm always there for her, and I'm the one she wants to be with. In the last month or so we have seen each other twice, having sex both of the time, and she being with someone else!

The reason she keeps calling me, and being with me those times its because she doesn't know what she wants. When then again the times that we have been together (2), we go out hang out, and she tells me that she is tired of him, and not good for her that we are together again and all! Both of those times, she came back to the other guy the next day or so! So that leaves me there like a fool taking me back any time that she wants. This being happening for quite sometime already!

I've known her for 10 years now, so we got history together! Well last Tuesday night, she called me to hang out, which it was the second time in a month, and we went for some drinks, and then again she would tell me she is confused, she don't know what she wants, and talks about how the other guys gets her into risky situations, like drinking alcohol in the car, and carrying illegal drugs in her car! I have never done that kind of stuff to her before! So I told her, this guy its not good for her, that she will get in trouble with the law if she keeps doing that, and not only me but her coworkers! We ended up going to her apartment, and did have sex, and talked about being together again!

Next day she calls me, and tells me she's confused, and need some time alone to think about what she wants. So again she used me! So 4 days go by and its 12:30 am on Sunday, late Saturday, and I'm out and about with friends, so I get this call from her telling me she is in JAIL, that she needs my help! As I told her before this guy its going to get you in trouble. She almost cry telling me to go bail her out, and pay for her car. 750 dollars for me to get it out of the towing place! I was like an hour away from the police station so even if I wanted to help her out I couldn't! She tells me that I'm the only person she can count on is me, which is true. I'm always there whenever she need me! She would also get in trouble if her family would find out, so I was the only hope I guess. So here come the tricky part! She got in trouble for carrying open liquor on her car, having drugs there (marijuana). She sounded like she was drunk over the phone, I don't know if she had a DUI or something, but I wanted to help her but she was in jail with the guy she cheated on me with! At that moment I thought this wasn't right! As much as I care for her, I know it wouldn't be right to help her out! Now I don't know what's going on with her! I don't mean no harm for her, and I hope she's doing fine, but I don't know if I did the right thing by not helping her out, which I could have, but after we have talked about how she would get into trouble by doing this!

What its on her mind now, and what she thinks of me by not helping her? Did I do the right thing or not? Does she hate me?


Edited/T

[liz28]

Wow. It didn't seem like the two if you were together. It seems like the two of you was just friends with benefits. She kept you around because you was her safety blanket and you kept holding on to false hope.

Now is she mad at you? Yes, but at the end of the day it was her fault. Hopefully she learnt a valuable lesson from all of this if she learnt anything at all. And she can't blame you she have to blame herself for putting her own self in this situation. Drinking and driving is a major no no and I am just glad nobody got hurt or killed from her stupidness.

I think you did a good thing by not bailing her out. And I think you need to let this girl go and you took the first step by not going to her resue. Don't beat yourself up for it and if she is mad or hate you then let her. There are other fishes in the sea and you should
Never put someone as a prority in your life while your just an option in theirs. Hold your head up because life goes on.

[Gangster1]

Yes that's all we were friends with benefits but still its been a while that I known her! I also think she's mad but yeah it's her fault and right thank god there were no injuries of any kind. I told her why doesn't her new man pay for everything since he was the metio that put her in this situation in the first place! I think I did right . I texted her yesterday telling her how she was and if everything was all right with her and hope for the best. She hasn't reply yet so I think she's is mad lol

[talaniman]

Let her be mad, so what, she had fair warning and you did the right thing by not helping her. Now if you could stop screwing her, and leave her alone, you can move on and not be the foolish one in this FWB relationship. Its time to end that chapter of your life.

[odinn7]

She's using you and that's all there is to it. She's using you for sex, which you seem to be OK with for the most part but she's also using you for other things. It's good you didn't help her and it also shows that she was using you... expecting you to pay bail and all. Forget about her. Write her off. Move on and learn to live without the leech.

[Gangster1]

Yeah true that's the only reason I keep coming back to her its only for the sex! But I do have feelings for her though! I know she does care about me she was just confuse she didn't know what to do.But one question, I know It don't make any since if at all I don't know, but how about if I still want to be with her and hoping to make things better, will this experience teach her a lesson? Deep inside I know she cares for me because she has told me that and she was confuse I know she might be mad at me now, but with time what would happened ? Will it make her realize she did a mistake by not taking my advice that that Guy wasn't good for her and will either consider giving it another try ?

[odinn7]

It's highly probable that she is telling you she cares for you in order to string you along... I've seen it happen. Honestly, I don't know why you are holding onto hopes that you two can be together some day. The way she's treating you, doing this stuff to you, and you want to put yourself through being with her? It can only get worse and more confusing as time goes on.

[talaniman]

how about if I still want to be with her and hoping to make things better, will this experience teach her a lesson?

The real question you should ask yourself is did YOU learn your lesson?

What she learned is up to her, but what did you learn from the experience? Think about it while you wonder about her.

[mmresd]

You did the right thing. Which was to finally draw the line on how much you were going to be her little dog. Let her go, in the same way that he was not good for her, she is not good for you. Maybe not legally, but emotionally. Whenever you have a friends with benefits relationship with someone it should end whenever feelings get involved, because if it doesn't, then someone will get hurt. It just happens that this time it was your turn. Move on with your life and try to find someone that thinks of you the same way you think of them, why push a relationship with a person who clearly does not want to be with you, and that like to use you for sex and money.

[vanheart]

I say run & far away from this girl.

Save yourself.

You are willing to put up with all of this crap just to sleep with her. Lame.
There's other girls.

Start thinking with your head. Not your...

She's got a guy & you are her backup. That's her. Doesn't mean that's you.

You can rise above all that if you want to.

Don't speak to her. Ever.

She's treating you like crap. And you are letting her.

[vanheart]

BTW.

"I recently broke up with my ex of 6 months after being separated for 2 years"

Huh?

Guess you didn't learn anything in almost 3 years.

You should have been long gone. Don't let her suck you back in again.

[Gangster1]

Honestly I know I'm doing wrong and fully aware of it! 2 years that's true we were friends during that time we would talk here and there sometimes but not seeing each other or anything ! I guess I'm a very insecure person with low self stern and need to work on those things more than anything else and would probably be one of the reason why I keep doing this! I was already free and was happy alone and didn't need anybody to make me happy and I still do but once we saw each other again the same problems and old feelings came back again. I guess I will never work out

[vanheart]

"guess i will never work out"

Sure you will. By bucking up.

Yourself esteem is yours, not hers, or anyone else's.

Here's how to start. Remove this girl from your life, once & for all.

She brings you down.

Your value isn't defined by anyone else but you.

[Gangster1]

It's funny how this past Saturday I came to a stop sign at the end of my block and I see her passing by, waved at me beeped the horn at her, she beeped the horn back. I kept going my way she did kept going her way