[mshmrlw]

My girl friend of 2 years and 4 months ended our relationship with a "I love you so much but I just want to be friends." and so I said OK. I think its best this way. Then I eventually found out that she is flirting with this guy that she met prior to breaking up with me. I was cool about it, but not really. I told her how can she quickly feel that way toward a new person. That all these emotions and being vulnerable should have been given in our relationship, hence why we broke up in the first place. If she would've just put as much effort on our relationship as much as she opens up to this guy, I know everything would've been fine.

I left it at that. I forced myself to like this girl which was obviously better than her, and I started hanging out with this girl just to show my ex that I can do it too. After a week, my ex went on a party mode. Out everyday. Not going home. I got tired of it, and stopped contacting her. It happened for another week, and one night she was drunk, she text me, "I love you so much, but you should give her everything" (referring to the other girl, which I stopped seeing after a few days), and then "you are an *******, you hurt me so much".

Now I am confused. What does she really want? I have come to a point where I deleted her from Facebook. Told her I changed my number (even if I didn't just so she won't drunk dial me anymore), and have not responded to emails. Please, I need some solid advise. I really love her, but I know that when someone starts to like someone, its as good as over.

[Horizons]

I'm not a psychologist, but I think you're right for not talking to her. I know that sounds terrible, but let me explain. The way she broke up with you implies that she cares for you, but that she doesn't have strong feelings for you; that's why she felt the need to reassure you before breaking it off. It's kind of like when a doctor tells you "This is just going to pinch a bit.", it's the compassion of the heart trying to soften what the person knows is going to be hard. If she didn't care about you she would have just said "I think we should start seeing other people."

Because she left you and immediately started flirting with another guy she had met prior to breaking up with you means that meeting him stirred up the desire to leave you. Whether it was because she was bored with your relationship or because he offered her something she thought was better.

But now that she's not with you she has noticed that the grass really isn't greener on the other side, and she's feeling homesick for you. There's two things you can glean from this fact: 1) It's just like when a kid gets homesick at camp; it passes and they forget it ever happened. 2) If you do get back together, it will last until the next opportunity arises to test another side of the fence.

In the end, it all boils down to if you truly love her, then God bless you, try and make it work. But there's no guarantee that what happened before won't happen again. Best advice I can give: Consider what you really want, and if every time you ask that question the answer is her, then do whatever it takes to get that. Life is about striving for what we want out of life. If we never strive for anything then we always fail at everything.

-H-

[odinn7]

At this point in my life, I have been somewhat burned out on what I have seen and been through so forgive me if what I say seems to be a little harsh.

YOU are better off without HER. Although I see the point that Horizons is making (and I can't say they are wrong) I don't think your ex told you she loves you to be kind. I think she was trying to pass off her guilty feelings. In my opinion, she found this other guy first, started thinking about him, and then told you it's over because she wanted to try him out. She felt guilty about being like this and told you she loves you so she could reduce your pain, thereby reducing her guilt as well. Your pain really doesn't matter to her in the overall picture.

But anyway... I think ending talking to her completely is the way to go. It may be hard at first but eventually you will forget her (trust me, you will) if you don't keep talking to her and getting sucked in. Someone else will come along sooner or later and you'll be fine. If you keep communicating with her or get back together with her, you are just in for a long, bumpy ride in which your emotions will beat you up.

Good luck to you.

[ironhide262]

If she wouldve just put as much effort on our relationship as much as she opens up to this guy I know everything wouldve been fine.

Exactly! But, she didn't and this should tell you all you need to know! I'm not sure, perhaps she did try with you although in the end it doesn't really matter. You were on the right track on trying to do your own thing. Getting involved with someone else so soon wasn't a good idea though, not for you or the girl you were involved with.. or your ex for that matter.

Fact is she left you for another guy and it's probably been going on for a long time behind your back... she was just waiting for the right opportunity to drop the bomb. The lets be friends line is a classic load of Bull*** and only for her benefit.

Right now you have a whole bunch of questions swirling around in your head... be patient... cut her out of your life(like you are doing) and do your own thing. With time ,without all these intense feelings, you will see the relationship you had with her in a new way.. the good and bad that both of you did.. learn from it and move on. After all, everything that she has done to you, why would you want her back?

[BK201]

Don't give in for such texts... treat them like drunk calls, and don't respond. Once she wakes up, she won't even bother about you. Let her go bro, if that's what she wants.
Oh by the way, revenge dating is not a good thing, my opinion. Why force yourself to like someone whom you don't, and stop seeing her later!!

[mshmrlw]

BTW. Its her birthday on Sept 6th.. And she asked me if I am going to her party, and if I am, am I going to be OK with the other guy being there as well. Fawk all this mind games! Its really getting into my head!

[odinn7]

Don't communicate with her... don't go... don't answer her. Break it off now and save yourself.

Step back and take a look at what she's doing. She's playing with you... will you be OK with the other guy there. Up hers. Don't put up with this.

[ironhide262]

This is exactly why you go NO CONTACT and cut all communications with her! YOu can only be affected by her BS if you let her.

It takes a while before you feel all these slaps in the face she has given you until then, make it easier on yourself and disappear, heck with her and do what's best for YOU!

Straighten out that spine, keep your dignity and don't even dignify her invitation with an answer.

[mshmrlw]

I have not answered at all.. But she already emailed me twice yesterday about a mail I have at the apt that we lived together. I don't know howbim suppose to get it. I guess ill just ask a friend to get it for me... I am so scared, I might crack this weekend and go see her! Fawk it!! Lol. Good thing I already swamped myself with activities this long weekend... Thanks for the advices guys. Keep them coming.. I desperately need them...

[talaniman]

Send her emails to spam, change your address via the post office, so you can disappear from her life, and have no more contact.

Enjoy doing your own thing, and let her drink and party all she wants with whomever she wants.

These guys have given you excellent advice to make this transition from committed to single. Give yourself a chance by listening. Just build a life that you enjoy, without her.

[Jake2008]

The relationship you had/have with this girl, is not love. Love is working through problems, as they happen, and always having the goal of making things stronger, not weaker. When one partner suddenly and without warning ends a relationship, that speaks to their lack of maturity, commitment, and respect for the other partner who never had a chance to work through the problems. Had she been open and honest while things were not going well, you would have had a shot at keeping the relationship healthy. But, she bailed, without warning, or without giving you any idea that her feelings had so drastically changed.

What kind of person does that to another person! That her reasons were only known to her, and kept secret, while she strung you along thinking everything was okay, speaks none too highly of her. That she still dangles a carrot under your nose (contact, birthday invites etc.), speaks none too highly of you for even considering keeping this going with her, or getting back together.

Had she on the other hand, offered an explanation, or given you a chance to address her very serious concerns (obviously they must have been serious to end the relationship), I would have more respect and hope for the relationship to maybe work out in the long run, after a lot of hard work to get back on track.

But that is not the case. As hard as it is, my opinion is, that people who are so deceptive and dishonest, are not likely to change, and I see nowhere where you say she has totally regretted her leaving, and wishes to be forgiven, and perhaps to come back. That she hasn't given you any specific reasons for leaving, tells me that there was something or someone better out there, and she simply dumped you.

You have only gone half way from what I can see, of sort of going no contact, but I'm not sure that as long as you use the word 'love' with regard to how you feel about her, you are not seriously working toward healing, and instead are hanging on.

My advice is to encourage you to consider all the opinions you have been given, and make a decision one way or the other. If you decide that the relationship is over, then it is over. Change your phone number, don't accept any phone calls, texts, emails, messages from her friends, etc. Put an end to your own agony, realize it is over, do what you need to do, and start being single again.

[Slipknot1996]

My girlfriend is doing the same to me atm but I'm not strong enough to say bye like you . I look up to but I need help too people . Please