[nat82]

Me and my ex was together for 3 years. I still love him, but he doesn't feel the same anymore. We have been split up for 7 months, and I can't get over him. I don't even know how, when I work with him. Part of me wants to try again, but he doesn't. He has moved on, and says he wants to be friends, but I messed that up by keep asking him to give us another chance. Please someone help me, I don't know what to do :(

[Homegirl 50]

You busy yourself with other things. Is there another department you can work where you won't see him as much? Is there a possibility of another job?
If you have hobbies and or friends, busy yourself.

[talaniman]

I think it would help if you built a great life outside of work, and be professional when you have to see him.

[Stringer]

Appearing 'needy' will not accomplish anything.

Becoming the person that you would admire is a good start. Homegirl and Tal have given you great suggestions now the choices are yours. And isn't that the way that it should be?

Stringer

[vanheart]

"he doesn't feel the same anymore"
"Part of me wants to try again, but he doesn't. He has moved on, "

Do the same. Face the facts. Realize that its over. Anything else is fantasy.

Spend the next 7 months on you. Not worrying about him. Have as little interaction as possible at work.

Don't be friends.

[nat82]

Threads merged



What are the signs if my ex still loves me, or the signs if my ex is really over me, and has moved on?

[vanheart]

By realizing that you are no longer together.

Ex=Ex

[talaniman]

Part of me wants to try again, but he doesn't. He has moved on, and says he wants to be friends

That would be a sign to me. Another sign is no matter how much you beg, plead, or just keep trying to get them back, they keep saying, NO!

[wonderlife]

My advices are: I think you should,

1) Accept the truth that you two are already broke up and focus on trying to move on rather than keep begging him to get back together. This can happen only when you realize that you shouldn't want someone who no longer want you. Dumping is ending, which doesn't mean that you are not good enough. It's just that he's not the one for you.

2) Seven months is a very long period of sufferance. If it's very hard having to see him almost everyday, I think why don't consider another career opportunity somewhere else? Some people might not agree, but in my opinion, it's a lot easier to get over someone if he/she is totally out of your life (by cutting all communication). If this is not possible for you, you should minimize the contact and ignore him as best as you can. Don't consider being friends. Don't try to pretend you two could be friends, it's just not working and only prolong your pain.

3) Keep busy, focus on something else, go out with friends and be positive about life. You have to repeat to yourself that you are worth loving and there're lot nice guys to meet in the future. Therefore what's the point of wasting time with someone who dare dumping you?

Only when you accept the fact that it's ended, stop begging him, and work on yourself to heal from this breakup and move on... otherwise... you will continue being in this painful cycle and wasting your time, your pride, your dignity with him who keep saying "No" to you.

You know why I can tell you alll this? Because I had once experienced the same thing you are in right now, and I know how hurt it is and how it feels like...

You don't want to continue begging someone, don't you? Stand up for yourself!

[Homegirl 50]

He says he wants to be friends and has moved on, that would be the only sign I'd need.
You need to get a clue, or I should say pay attention to the clue you have. The relationship is over. It's time for you to accept that.

[kskalyani]

Dear
I can understand your feelings..
This is the worst pain ever one have in its life...
I suggest you to please come out of this as soon as possible else it will kill you.
I have passed through this...
And I think don't die for the one who even don't care for you..
I hope you can understand this though I am telling you in harsh words.. but I don't want anyone to kill because of such feelings...

[nat82]

Me and my ex was together for just over 3 years been split up 7 months now. I really thought he was the one, then out of the blue he finished with me, said he wanted time on his own, and thought he was holding me back as he is 5 years younger than me.

He told me he still loved me when we split, and just to give him space, and that he wanted to be friend. Its not been easy as we work together and I could not let go, and still to this day I can't. I texted him everyday trying to get back with him. I asked him to his face, but still he said no.

Then one day he said to me that he has no feelings for me anymore. I don't think its true, as he still talks about me to people at work about what I've said to him, and that I'm still asking for another chance cause, I still love him. But he says to me, when I ask him, it makes him really angry.

Now we don't talk, and I can't contact him, as he blocked me, and I can't blame him, as I've gone about it all the wrong way. I'm a mess, and don't know what to do anymore. Any advice would be grateful as he means the world to me. Forgot to add, when we first split up he said to me, who knows what the future holds for us. Do you think I've pushed him to far and have messed up my chances?

[ineedhelplease]

I hate seeing responses that say there is no hope. I don't want to give you false hope, but honestly you never know.

I must say though you are pushing it.


Step one:

Leave, him, alone. Space. Grow as a person, within yourself you will feel much better.
Because if you keep at it anything right now seems like you're just trying to push it.
Every single day of texting or about every day during a split up of 7months? That's a lot.

Give yourself a break and show him that you are a strong woman.

Here's an example:
Someone's chasing you down a hallway, you most likely will run
Someone is slowly walking towards you, you don't run

Now after sometime of growing within yourself, it could be a week or 2 or a month however long it takes 0 contact with him even if you work together try to be friendly if you MUST talk to him but if you don't have to, try to seem just normal. Find hobbies, things you enjoy, smile enjoy life

Itl show that you are a stronger person. In this time he may wonder why you aren't bombarding him anymore. Just back off and be cool.

After this growth period, (dont rush it and say to yourself well I've grown let me go talk to him now) no.. Really take the time.
After,

Approach him face to face. Don't say "i want you back i still love you"
Just a simple "hey whats up, hows life been" or something of the sort , be casual be calm friendly smile and yes RELAX.

Now if there's even a slight chance, he will specially if its face to face and you two work together as I believe I read, respond to you with something. "Good, fine , okay not bad" at that point you want to get into "oh thats nice, ive been really enjoying _______" whatever you did in the time to grow within yourself. Something you had fun with
After that point , end the conversation. Say you've got to go but you two should catch up soon if he's up for it.

Leave it at that.


Then wait a day, or 2, or 3, or 4 or more whatever your heart desires but don't push it like before not exactly the next day
And see if you can get together some time to just catch up and have a nice time/chat about anything

From that point on gradually working yourself closer, as a friend first to re build a connection. If and only if he brings up the relationship, is when you should tell him how you feel about him "holding you back".


That's what I would do but of course Im no specialist , its just what I would do.


If you grow
And he still shuts you down with a normal hey how are you
Then continue to grow within yourself and don't hold your breath
Just be happy

[nat82]

Thanks for your answer :)

[imsurroundedbyfish]

To add to ineedhelpplease's response, Don't let him mess with your head! Don't let him do that annoying thing that my ex of 8 months has done to me at least 4 times: yo-yoing. Don't let him come back to you tell him he loves you only for him to then say "but it wouldnt be right for us to get back together" or a few days/weeks later change his mind. This will mess with your head very badly and you need to watch out for it.

[talaniman]

I think he is over you, and you should leave him alone all together. I see no chance at all and if their was it would be a booty call, or to use you.

[nat82]

My ex left me over a year ago and still have strong feelings for this person and don't know what to do as we see each other at work everyday

[fed_up987]

Try move on and find someone new that help u forget :)

[mmresd]

A year seems like a long time, if this relationship didn't last too long, you may want to seek out professional help.