[confession18]

Me and my girlfriend have been together in a committed relationship for 8 or 9 months. The relationship has progressed very rapidly from the very start, and seen its share of ups and downs, but I have been there for her through everything! I treat her like she's everything and I take her out to fancy (also quite expensive) restaurants often, even during my time of unemployment. I even buy her very expensive gifts from time to time and have told her very early on in the relationship that I love her. We often talk about starting a family together and having kids early. Upon meeting her parents, I even made it clear that I will one day marry their daughter.

I currently have found a job working in retail that pays minimum wage. I am very hard working but still make sure I find more than enough time to spend with her. She has often told me in the past that I am "PERFECT," that no one has ever treated her this good before, and that she would never break up with me. I know the sex between us is AMAZING, and she knows that I am not using her for sex but any means. I am very attractive and promised to give her everything I have in the future. Yet, I don't understand why she would break up with me because she is "starting to love me less."


P.S. I am not from an extremely rich family or anything like that, and I don't have a car of my own. Our arguments in the past have often ended in tears and revolved around financial issues (ie. From not having a car of my own to being too sexual/touchy, etc). But we have always made it work out and given each other another chance. I don't understand why she would break up with me if she knows I am responsible and more than willing to take care of her and our children if we ever have any.

Can someone please tell me why? I'm confused.

And another thing, when we broke up, she has even told me she does not see a future between us. I asked her why and she does even know why she feels this way. WHY?!

[tickle]

Hi confession, I am sorry you are in this boat, and I am assuming you are l8, that's okay, you should know what you want by now. Okay, how old is your g/f, I am also assuming she is younger then you and probably at a maturity level lower then you and this is probably why nothing you do is good enough for her. You have been treating her to well and she just loves the idea of the attention, and the good times, eating in great places going out with you, but she is not mature enough to accept how you feel towards her, or she should feel towards you.

It isn't your fault, confession, it is just the way it is. Back off for a while and give her space but I don't think there is any chance for you to have a relationship with a girl who isn't at your maturity level, it will be hard for you to ever judge what she wants or how she feels and you will find it completely frusrtrating.

Take this advice for what is worth, you sound completely dedicated to this girl and it is a shame you have fallen so deeply but at l8, confession, you have a lot of living to do.

She has been on an ego trip confession and has fallen off because she can't handle it.

Tick

[Homegirl 50]

8/9 months is not a long time, it is kind of a getting to know you period, and you guys jumped in really fast. Perhaps she is just not feeling for you what you feel for her and does not see a future with you.
It does not mean there is something wrong with you, you are just not for her.

In the future don't jump in the deep water right away with a girl. Fancy restaurants and gifts on a minimum wage job is just craziness.
If she says she does not want to be with you, deal with it and leave her alone. The reason is immaterial at this point

[vanheart]

Well.

"she has even told me she does not see a future between us"

That's all you need to know. This isn't about wages. Or dinners.

Think of all the $ you can spend on yourself now. Not her.

She doesn't want to be w/you. Just take that & run.

This won't be your last one.

[confession18]

Thank you Vanheart,

I agree with you completely; however, I have also dated a lot of girls in the past. But when I was dating her, I was really hoping she would be my last.

[Homegirl 50]

Thank you Vanheart,

I agree with you completely; however, I have also dated a lot of girls in the past. But when I was dating her, I was really hoping she would be my last.

Were you trying to buy her affection and then moving too fast? (sexually and otherwise because you wanted her to be your last?
Take it easy ans slow next time. It takes time for a relationship to grow and become what you want it to be.

[confession18]

Hello Homegirl,

I was not trying to buy her affection. I don't need to do that because on the first night that I met her, she was already mine. I just like buying stuff for her and making her happy, although I admit I am too overly sexual. However, because both of us are very sexual in nature, it was welcomed at most times.

What do you suggest I do if she decides she wants to be with me again? And what are your thoughts as to what I should do for the next relationship, other than taking it slow?

Your comments are much appreciated.

[talaniman]

Too much, too fast crash and burn, and while the lust was hot and fun when it wore off, there was nothing left. Not only slow down with the next one, but be cautious who you give your heart to, and make sure they deserve it.

Lust fades, love grows. Learn the difference, and make sure your next partner does too. The last one didn't, and when the thrill was gone, so was she.

Expensive dining on minimum wage?? Are you crazy?? Save for a car. Or better yet, an education for a better job. Don't go blowing hard earned money on a female, invest in your own future.

[Homegirl 50]

What do you mean, on the first night that I met her, she was already mine. mean? because both of us are very sexual in nature, it was welcomed at most times. What does that mean?

It sounds to me like you jumped into a sexual relationship too fast, vowed your love, spent all kinds of money and for her when the heat cooled off, she felt nothing was there. Leave the girl alone.
Take your time the next time. Get to know the girl outside of the bed. Let her get to know you. No girl is yours, she can walk away at any time, as she did. Stop throwing money away. How old are you? Are you going to school?

[confession18]

She still love me! But she's going back and forth and its like one minute, I can still feel something is there, and the next minute, she starts yelling at me for no reason. Like, after we broke up, I still went out to see her and have lunch together. We went into a department store and she started to get really pissed for no reason. I backed down to give her some space and she comes at me telling me to leave because she couldn't find me for maybe 3 min?!

One minute she calls me to see where I am and messages me to "come and rub [her] tummy," and the next thing I know is she doesn't want to have anything to do with me anymore.

I've lost all sense of dignity for her. I've kneeled on the floor begging her to stay, I've spent over $720 on a birthday gift for her, and I even told her "as long as [she] stays with me, its OK if [she] doesn't love me." She tells me to park the car in the park instead of in front of her house as I used to do (so that her parents don't see me), and I've done everything she's asked. We don't even have sex anymore after we broke up and I am still waiting patiently for her (It's been more than two months now). I don't get it!! How can she be so heartless towards me?

And no I'm not in school. I finished university and she is a university student. So I would expect her to be emotionally capable enough to deal with this.

[confession18]

My girlfriend just broke up with me 2 months ago and now she is dating other people. We have been together for 9 months and even after we broke up, I occasionally went to see her and walk her home at night. I told her she is the one I want to spend my life with and that I want to marry her. She says she "will still be [my] friend, but [wants] to get away from [me] for a period." Does that mean there is any hope of getting back together?

I have been suffering from insomnia ( inability to sleep at night ) for a couple of days in a row now, and have been contemplating suicide. I treated her so extremely well and gave her everything when we were together and I don't know why she would break up with me. I've gotten so close to her that I even had the ability to sense that she was on a date with someone on Saturday and at what time she got home (which was before 10:30 pm)... I was at work at the time. On Sunday, I asked "How was your date yesterday?" and she asked, "Oh, how did you know?" therefore, confirming my suspicion. Even though she already broke up with me, it felt deep inside like she was cheating on me for some reason.

Should I stop contacting her completely? I don't want to lose her, but I don't want her to feel like I'm bothering her.

What would you do? How do I get her back? And how long to I have to wait if I decide not to contact her? I'm so confused.

I also have another posting that explains how good I was to her ( https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/girlfriend-just-broke-up-me-dont-understand-why-594880.html )


Comments on both questions are greatly appreciated.

[ksquared22]

It sounds like you are an awesome boyfriend to her and however hard it is to hear, I have to say it: If she doesn't appreciate everything you do for her, then she doesn't deserve you! I am a female that is so sick of seeing other girls treat great guys like crap. I think you should tell her you love her, tell you care, tell her you want to be with her one last time and then give her space (no talking,texting,chatting). After a little bit, she should come crawling back to you. And if she doesn't? Well then she doesn't deserve you and all the nice thoughtful and caring things you do for her and would do for her in the future. But I promise you, there are girls out there that notice when guys do nice things and they really appreciate it. Hope this helps!

[talaniman]

Your threads were merged to avoid confusion

Let it go, this is over so get a life without her, and maybe see a doctor if you cannot handle this break up.

Deal with your rejection with some dignity, and self respect, discipline, and self control

[confession18]

Did your ex come back to you after initiating NO CONTACT?

My ex broke up with me and said many hurtful things before and/or after leaving me. It has been over 1 month since the break up and 3 weeks of NO CONTACT. I wonder if she regrets leaving me, but its hard to say.

Personal stories welcomed.

How long does NO CONTACT usually last until she calls back?

[Fr_Chuck]

I am sorry you totally misunderstand no contact. If you want them back, run and go beg saying you are sorry.

No contact is for you to get over them, and learn to move on.
If they do try to contact you, you merely ignore them,

You know it is working if and when you don't care what they think or if they miss you.

[confession18]

How do I have a better life after a break up?

My ex and I were together for over 9-10 months. I was the perfect boyfriend to her and our relationship progressed so rapidly from day 1. I love her a lot and it hurts that she would just leave like this.

Why did my ex leave me? Will she regret leaving me?

My girlfriend of 9 months has broken up with me. I am truly heartbroken, but often times when I tried to talk to her over MSN or email after the breakup, she has said she doesn't love me anymore, and that "[she] is just so sick of seeing [me]."

But 2 days after the break up, she has said that she still loves me and wants to work things out, and I could feel it from the bottom of her heart. I have a 6th sense of being able to "feel" how she is feeling inside and what she is thinking about. I could even feel it the day she went out with someone else to which she admitted the next day. I was at work that day and an unexplainable feeling just hit me.

She is on a dating site, but recently, 2 days after telling her to be careful of who she meets and not to date all these guys just as a way of getting over me, she no longer goes on that site.

She has said she still wants to be "friends" and that "we will meet again one day," but has even deleted me from MSN and initiated NO CONTACT. The only thing she hasn't deleted me from is her Facebook on which I have stated I will be "leaving all the tears behind and heading [overseas/to another country]." I hope that in doing so, this will force her to contact me again and realize how much I love her.

What I can't figure out is if she is not going online because of what I said in my message to her, or if she has decided to see this one guy? And what are the chances that she will come back to me (perhaps as my girlfriend/ future wife)?


Additional information;

It has been about 2 months since the breakup now, and I saw her on Halloween while driving by... I saw that she was unhappy about something, but I never got out and talked to her because this would only push her away even further. She knows I still love her and would do anything for her.

I still love her very intensely, and she and her family already know that I intend to marry her one day.

Additional Details
What should I do to make her come back to me? I really love her in spite of everything she has said to me, and I know that she still loves me.

How long do I have to wait until she contacts me again? Did I blow my chances with her by being so over-protective of her? And do you think she is dating someone new or taking the time to think everything over? (I have a feeling she is not seeing anyone, but I could be wrong)

Male and female perspective is greatly appreciated!

[excon]

Hello c:

Yes, she will. You're a wonderful person.

excon

[ironhide262]

She has said she doesn't love me anymore, and that "[she] is just so sick of seeing [me]."

Guy... really.. accept it, she's gone! It's been 2 months , let yourself heal and move on!

What should I do to make her come back to me? I really love her in spite of everything she has said to me, and I know that she still loves me.

The reality is you really can't do anything to make her come back... the choice is hers. Forget about this intuition you think you may have and look at the facts... she hasn't come running back and is even dating other guys. She may "care" about you but, obviously not enough to continue a serious relationship with you.

How long do I have to wait until she contacts me again?

Who knows, could be forever. Why wait?!

Did I blow my chances with her by being so over-protective of her?

Not sure but, if you were being over-protective and smothering her it could be one of the reasons in combination with many other factors. Only she knows but, whatever it was she would rather break up than work through these things. Often, after we accept the breakup and start healing we learn a lot about our actions and our partners... we look at the relationship in an objective way. We apply what we learn to hopefully build new successful relationships.

And do you think she is dating someone new or taking the time to think everything over?

You answered your own question,

I could even feel it the day she went out with someone else to which she admitted the next day

. I'm sure she spent a while thinking about breaking up with you in the first place so, no, I doubt she is still thinking things over.


The stark reality is that very few couples stay together successfully after a breakup. Break up suck big time!! But, the more we dwell on the what-if's, would'a-should'a-could'a, the more we confuse ourselves and stay unhappy. I would go NC and concentrate one yourself . Lots of great information in the stickies at the top of the relationship page.

[BK201]

It is OK for you to wait for her.. because you love her. But hey, male perspective, give a chance to yourself.. get out of your zone, there are zillion women who dream that one day they would get a guy like you. So, If I were you, I would let her go.

[I help u]

I've been there man, there's definitely something up with her, I know its not my place to tell you what to do because you're situation is probably slightly different than mine, but if I were you I would give her one more visit, and bluntly say why are you doing this, explain to me what I'm doing wrong, if she doesn't tell you then leave, and let the past be the past, get a hobby, buy a puppy, save up for a car, live, I had a girl for a few years, and only after I left her and moved on I found out how much better girls can be, by the sounds of it your a great guy, and after a while, you will find someone who will give you the apreciation you deserve, breaking away from attachment is like quitting cigarettes, the first week is the worst, after a while your past telationship will become a joke, and a life lesson