[Beverleigh]

Threads merged



I have a 31 year old daughter who broke up with her abusive boyfriend 6 months ago and is now living at home.
She gets on well with my fiancé and makes fun of me to him like "Look at that big hippo" and they both laugh, also makes fun of me in company and they both have a good laugh about it. It makes me feel like my home is not mine anymore.

She met another boyfriend about 2 months ago, asked me if he could sleep over and I said under no circumstances. She then went and asked my fiancé and he said yes. So the young aggressive man started spending weekends at our house and never contributed a thing, never greets and just expects everything handed to him, I say no eating in the room, he eats in the room my daughter says its fine for him to do so.

They had an argument 1 week ago when they where out with friends, my fiancé was sleeping and I was watching a show on TV. When she came back home screaming and sayiing he hit her and swore her. And I must go and talk to him at the car, he then came in and started pushing her around, I tried to protect her and he hit me across the face. I woke my boyfriend up, he had a lot to drink and tried to get the boyfriend to leave he did not want to leave, I got my gun and asked him to leave eventually he did. My daughter takes his side and said I held a gun to his head and I did not.

I have told my daughter that I do not want him near this house and my fiancé agrees.

I wish my daughter would move to another place as she is very disrespectful to me.
What should I do. She is also taken and fetched from work in my car everyday.

[joypulv]

First lock that gun away. If you do evict, you don't want that story hanging over your head. And you don't want anyone shooting anyone either.
Second, stop ALLOWING all this to happen. You don't even say who is driving her to work in your car - how hard is it to make your keys unavailable?
Third, give her 30 days written notice to move out or she will be evicted, and meanwhile find out the eviction process in your locale. Of course this depends on who owns the house.
Again, you are allowing this to happen, and you are putting up with a man who enjoys her a little too much too. Time to break up with him.

[Beverleigh]

Please someone give me advise as to what I should do with a man that drinks from a Thursday evening until a Sunday evening. That is a bottle a day.

He is not aggressive but argumentative toward me. Always picking a fight with me about silly things. For instance he would water the garden for 5 hours at a time until the water runs down the road. He would boil the kettle about 15 times to wash the dishes, when I say we have hot water in the gyser he says Boo Hoo sob sob!

We have NO money he sells property which I help him with, but needs to take all the credit , he has been selling property for 9 years and I have for 20 years. I know that I am a good agent. and when we meet up with old clients and they comment on the good service I gave them, he gets upset with me,

I feel as though my life is slipping away as I used to be very motivated as an agent, now I don't even try.
I feel as though I am going mad!

[tickle]

Bev, alcoholism is genetic, so he comes by it honestly, but there is always an underlying issue with substance abusers which makes their habit worse. It is only a matter of time until he becomes physically abusive and I know the roller coaster ride you are going through. You either have to get out before it drags you down completely, or try to talk him into getting help through AA, but he has to recognize he has a problem and I quite sure he will say he hasn't.

I know first hand what you are going through emotionally.

Tick

[odinn7]

The easy answer... Dump the bum.

Now that I've said that... I'm relatively sure that you already pretty much know what you should do. I think you know the answer to this or you wouldn't be posting here. You have to weight the good against the bad. Is the way he treats you otherwise enough to offset the way he is Thursday through Sunday? Probably not. Most people who act like that are overall bums to begin with and aren't the best of people even when they're not drinking. The fact that you say you feel like your life is slipping away and you are going mad makes me think that it is even more than just the drinking that is the problem. It's easy for me to say and maybe not as easy to do but I think you'd be better off without him.

Good luck.

[excon]

I feel as though I am going mad!

Hello B:

Throw that loser to the curb.

excon

[tickle]

I had to spead the rep, exxy, I totally agree, he will only drag her down with him until they have nothing in common or in wealth.

[joypulv]

Why did you ask about your daughter separately? They are both part of the problem. You aren't giving yourself enough self worth with either of them.

[Fr_Chuck]

It appears he is a drunk,

You are making excuses, He is drinking on the weekend. No he is drinking 4 out of 7 days, and I bet he drinks the other days too.

So you can learn to deal with a drunk, or you can kick him to the curb, that is your only choice, he will not change unless he wants to

[jenniepepsi]

Agree 100% with joy, and to add, it sounds like you may need to re-evaluate your relationship with your own boyfriend as well. Him laughing with your daughter while calling you a hippo is NOT a healthy relationship and if he refuses to stop making light of your struggles and body, then his butt needs kicked to the curb as well.

Quit letting people walk on you. This is something I too learned the hard way, and though I know you won't believe it yet (it took me a long time to believe it) you DO deserve better, and you WILL feel better once you get rid of those toxic people.

[Fr_Chuck]

You should not have your boyfriend agree and making fun of you. If he is laughing at the comments and going behind your back to decide things, he should be the one going first.

But who owns the house ? You or you and boyfriend ?
Or do you rent, if you do, who is on the lease ?

You can not even kick her out, if boyfriend is on the home or lease

[Homegirl 50]

Is this your house or your fiancé's house? If it's yours, kick them both out if it is his, you leave.
I would not want the fiancé either. He's as bad as she is.
Stop allowing yourself to be abused.

[JoeCanada76]

It sounds like that everyone in the whole house hold needs some sort of counseling. It does not seem like a friendly environment for anyone. With or without the boyfriend or daughter , etc...
The relationships are not good ones. What you need to do is take steps to get your daughter moved out. Then figure out if you and your fiancé needs to work some things out too.

Whether you like to admit it or not. There are issues there too. Red flags galore.

[phillysteakandcheese]

After he hit you, why didn't you call the police?

Things in your home have gotten out of control.
It's time for both fiancé and daughter to go, and for you to work on improving your self-esteem.

Also - I don't think bringing out the gun was a good idea, although I can understand why you did. The problem is that the boyfirend is now likely to go get a gun too... and next time you'll be having a Mexican Standoff.

[twinkiedooter]

You should have called the police and had him arrested for hitting you. They can do that nowadays and he will have a domestic abuse charge on his record.

Apparently everyone is walking all over you with hobnail boots. Time to really rethink this situation. Do you need the abusive fiancée and the abusive daughter? No. Then take steps to remove them from the home provided the home is YOURS.

[talaniman]

After reading and merging both of your posts, I think you are better off without them both. They are both poison. Sorry.