[xania]

He broke up with me a week and a half ago. I have to see him because I need to get some mail from him that I received to his house, and I really want him back. However, saying so and acting like I want to be with him again might push him even further away. Right?
I just plan on hugging him hi like an old friend, and being nice to him but not mentioning anything about us. Maybe after a while we can become friends, and if we can get back together, great. What do you think? I'm seeing him tonight.

[talaniman]

I think you fill out a change of address, so you don't have to see him, and until that takes effect, say hi, get your mail, and leave. No need for tea & Torture is there. No hugs, no games, no nothing.

Do you really need your mail everyday?

[justcurious55]

Unless he wants to rekindle the relationship, which if he's the one that did the breaking up I would think he probably doesn't, I would leave things be. I wouldn't even hug him. Be polite, get your things, and go. Don't stop for small talk. Maybe someday you'll be friends again, but for now I think it's best if you just go no contact and not get your hopes up. Don't just pretend to move on, actually make an honest, true effort to move on.

[xania]

I didn't say I saw him everyday. It's only for important mail. I have to have a permanent address in town and they won't allow me to use the one at my college. If I get stuff sent home, I'll miss my deadlines.

[Cat1864]

Can you afford a post office box?

Can you make arrangements for the mail to be picked up by a friend?

Be polite and that is all. He is a new ex not an old friend.

Even if you did get back together sometime in the future it should be after both of you have healed and are ready to work through the issues which caused the break up. You can't go back so give yourself time and tools to move forward.

[xania]

You're right, Cat. I'm just struggling to even move on period. I'm struggling to refrain from picking up the phone and telling him I want him back, that it'll work, that we should actually try and it's worth it. I feel like I can't move on, like I won't. It's like my feelings refuse to let him go. I feel like I will never be able to heal. It's still soon, I know... but I don't see an end to this anytime soon. I hate hurting like this but at the same time, I don't want to give up hope of being with him. What do I do?

[talaniman]

In case others have not read her other post for background:

Quote by Xania,
By the way, I'm 21, and he's 28. The breakup was rash and for reasons that can be easily fixed. I think the problem mainly lies with him, which is why I want to cool it for a month and avoid calling him or texting. He is scared of becoming too emotionally involved with someone, and has a hard time receiving love and affection. I'm his first real, normal relationship (just friends with benefits and infatuations well before me) and everything was great. There were a few little things, but there always are in relationships.

Just a thought, what did you do about your mail before, and what would you do if he told you to stop having it come to his address? You need a plan, one that takes care of your mail, and stops you from thinking he is coming back.

You need a plan that allows you to cut him out of your life completely, because that's what you do when you get dumped, for whatever reason. The sooner the better. Have you no friends who would take your mail?

[Fr_Chuck]

Yes, have him leave it with a third party for you to pick up and find a new place for it to go.

No hugs or pretend, when you do see him

[xania]

Thanks, everyone. For now, having him just hand it to me will work. Better yet, slipping it under my door would work. (I receive packages at school). For some reason I can't access most of the relationship stickies... anyone know why that is? I keep getting an "Oops! This page is not available for viewing."

[talaniman]

Get answers from Relationships

Try this link, it may well be the "skin" you use. Let me know.

[kcomissiong]

Just my tow cents to what everyone else has added. If you have to act like you are moving on when you see your es, then you aren't ready to see him. Ask him to stick your mail in a large envelope, and send it to you. Contact with him sounds like such a bad idea when you are still in a vulnerable state.

[jmjoseph]

No matter what you do, keep your dignity.

I know it seems as if you simply cannot live without THIS guy, but you'll be just fine. I promise.

If it's meant to be, then it will. For now, go concentrate on you.

Good luck to you.