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    hannah f's Avatar
    hannah f Posts: 19, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Aug 13, 2011, 08:41 PM
    Am I annoying him? Is he really into me?
    There's this guy. I've known him for 5 years. We even dated for a year and 8 months. At the time he was 16, and I was 15. At that time I was not allowed to date, but I went behind my parents back, and did anyway.

    Everything was going great, we got along, never fought, or anything. Well one summer, he went on vacation, and the night he came back, he broke up with me, because we were always getting in trouble, and got caught hanging out together. Well after we broke up, we stopped all forms of communication for 3 years.

    About a month ago he messaged me on Facebook, asking how I was. Well we started talking again, and we even met up again. We both have grown a lot over the past 3 years, and really matured. I think I'm falling in love with him again, and he tells me that he has strong feelings for me.

    He is now 21, and I'm 20. He is really busy with work, and school lately but I feel like he's annoyed with me. He goes clubbing twice a week, and dances salsa with his girl friends. I don't know how he feels about me. When ever we see each other, there is a lot of chemistry, and we are both so happy, but when it comes to talking to each other, he doesn't talk much. We only message on Facebook for now, but I feel like I'm annoying him, because he doesn't message back that much like he used to.

    What do you think? Is he annoyed, or actually into me, but busy?



    Edited/T
    Hunny11's Avatar
    Hunny11 Posts: 11, Reputation: 2
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    #2

    Aug 14, 2011, 01:47 AM
    You could talk to him about it and if he still seems cold then you need to play hard to get. Stop contacting him in any way, leave him wondering, let him miss you,, you got to be patient and wait.
    Romanian94's Avatar
    Romanian94 Posts: 2, Reputation: 2
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    #3

    Aug 14, 2011, 06:47 AM
    Sounds exactly like mine. But whenever me and my ex had an issue with the other, we asked each other. We were best friends as well as a couple. I would talk to him about how me feels about you. When he tells you, something inside you will know if you believe him or not. Just follow your heart. Everything happens for a reason. If you want to give this guy another chance, I would talk to him.
    liz28's Avatar
    liz28 Posts: 4,662, Reputation: 1034
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    #4

    Aug 14, 2011, 07:24 AM

    The only way you would know is by directly asking him. However, you wrote you have tried doing this but he doesn't answer. Maybe he is avoiding the question for whatever reasons or maybe he haven't mature that much in the communication department yet.

    Since the two you aren't officially together I wouldn't just sit around waiting for him to come around. Get out and start having fun by dating or hanging out with your friends.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #5

    Aug 14, 2011, 01:53 PM

    Stop trying so hard because YOU are obviously more interested than he is, and he isn't very talkative, or communicate with you that much, because he has other things in his life that keeps him busy.

    Stop chasing so hard, and have your own things that keep you busy, and happy. Time will tell what his interests are.

    So have your own life just in case he isn't that interested. Then you won't have to feel like you are annoying him, because you will be busy yourself, doing your own thing.
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,317, Reputation: 5972
    Pets Expert
     
    #6

    Aug 14, 2011, 02:39 PM

    Sounds like he's very happy to have reconnected with a friend, but that's it.

    That of course is just my take on it. I could be wrong. Only he knows what he's feeling, so why not ask him?
    hannah f's Avatar
    hannah f Posts: 19, Reputation: 1
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    #7

    Aug 16, 2011, 10:04 PM
    Did I push him away?
    Threads merged, and edited/T



    Me and this guy are talking. We both really like each other. We are even ex's, and we both want each other back, but are taking things slow, and getting to know each other again.

    We were messaging today, and I asked him where he saw himself in 5yrs. He said finishing up school, and he asked me the same. I said finished with school, working at my job, married or engaged, and all he said was "thats good".

    I got mad at that and said "really". And he said what? I said nothing. Then he didn't reply, so I said you know what, I read an article the other day about how guys like it when girls are straight up with them. So I told him that I felt like I was talking to a wall when I talk to him, and he said "ok, really".

    I was so mad because he doesn't seem to take it serious, or he got really mad that I said that. So I apologized and said that I'm trying to get to know him again, but he won't message me back. I'm getting worried that I pushed him away. I really like him, and I know he likes me too. He even said he wants a relationship with me, but he is waiting for the right time.

    Did I push him away?
    Cat1864's Avatar
    Cat1864 Posts: 8,007, Reputation: 3687
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    #8

    Aug 17, 2011, 05:24 AM
    Hannah, texting is probably one of the worst ways for communicating. Words can be easily misunderstood if there aren't vocal or body language clues to give them clearer meaning.

    Why should he take anything seriously? You only reconnected about a month ago after not speaking for three years. He is looking for fun and you sound like you are looking for marriage. He may be thinking things are moving too fast. I would be.

    Slow down. Give him time to calm down and get yourself under control. You have apologized for your part in the disagreement. Give him time to contact you. Don't expect an immediate response. Exercise some self-restraint.

    Figure out why you seem to want to skip over getting to know him again and pick up where your previous relationship ended. You need to get to know the people you are now instead of expecting him to be the same person he was 3-5 years ago.

    Having an idea of where you want to be in five years is great, but don't expect him to have the same plans or be overly enthusiastic about yours especially if it seems you are looking for more commitment than he is. Have fun getting to know him with no expectations.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #9

    Aug 17, 2011, 07:08 PM
    Back off, you are still pushing way to hard. WAY TO HARD!! That more than just annoying.
    hannah f's Avatar
    hannah f Posts: 19, Reputation: 1
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    #10

    Aug 23, 2011, 07:42 PM
    Why are men so difficult?
    Threads merged, as there is no need to start another question about the same person.

    I need help please. After 3 years of not talking to my ex boyfriend, we reconnected. We have both grown up, and matured. We have been talking about getting back together for a little over a month now. We are still getting to know each other again, and we get along great. He tells me that he wants a relationship with me, but he is waiting for the right time, and that we have to be patient.

    I know he means it when he says that, and he's not just saying that. I'm not a patient person, and its hard to wait for something that you really want. We have hung out a couple times, and we kiss, hug, hold hands, and we kind of fooled around. Not really fooling around, but we were on his bed, and making out, and touching. He tried taking my shirt off, but I stopped him, and I know for a fact that he's not wanting me back for sex.

    We were together for 1 year, and 8 months, and only had sex twice, but that was 3 years ago. I have a lot of feelings for him, but I feel like he's not into me as much as I am into him. He is transferring to another college in the spring, and he said he wants me to visit him when he goes. (this makes me think that we are going to stay together and that he really does want me) but I'm not patient.

    We usually talk everyday, but so far we haven't talked all day. (and I know its only a day, and its not a big deal, but I really miss him). He is probably busy with work, but he got off work 6 hours ago, and still didn't message me or anything. How can I be more patient, and stop waiting around for him to message me. (and don't say try finding a new hobby, or hanging out with friends. I don't have time for that. I'm a full time college student who takes school serious).

    I want him back more than anything. I feel like I was trying too hard, but I've slowed down, and I'm trying to stop showing him that I care, but I can't. When we talk I just melt away. Why are guys so hard to understand? How can I be more patient? What do I do?
    funsized924's Avatar
    funsized924 Posts: 3, Reputation: 2
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    #11

    Aug 23, 2011, 08:44 PM
    Oh gosh... you remind me of a relationship I had in the past. He doesn't seem to be that into you... If he really wanted you he would have gotten back together with you. Guys are very easy to read, you just have to stop looking way too into things.
    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,721, Reputation: 3460
    Emotional Health Expert
     
    #12

    Aug 24, 2011, 06:42 AM
    I'm wondering if lack of communication was one of those things that contributed to the breakup in the first place.

    After a month of not heading into at least the possibility of an exclusive relationship, I have to wonder why you are waiting for him to make the decision.

    I don't think it's a matter of guessing, or considering yourself impatient. While you wait for him to make up his mind, you are in limbo, wanting a little more, and he is holding back.

    How long are you willing to wait. You do run the risk of having him cut ties if you assert yourself a little bit, and have an honest talk about where the relationship is going. But, if its not going anywhere now, and there is no understanding of what eachothers needs and wants are, you'll be in the same boat if you wait six months too.

    I would sit him down, and talk honestly and openly, without apologies, how you feel, and what you are ready for. Let him know exactly how you feel, and that you want to at least be at the 'official' boyfriend/girlfriend phase soon, or at least have an idea when he might make up his mind.

    Set some goals together in order to make a decision, particularly as to time. If he is humming and hawing and unable to commit to at least moving to boyfriend/girlfriend, then assess whether he is worth investing any time in or not.

    I wouldn't stick around hoping for miracles if you can't at least have a serious conversation about your future together.
    Ayoungman's Avatar
    Ayoungman Posts: 8, Reputation: 4
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    #13

    Aug 24, 2011, 09:14 AM
    My mom and dad are going through the same thing right now. It's hard! My mom has been in love with my biological dad for years, even after two marriages. And she's just now reconnecting with him too. And the sad thing is that she now even lives with him. She wants so bad to be with him and call herself his girlfriend but, on the other hand he still wants her at arms length. -He has been hurt a lot with two marriages of his own- The only thing that I can recommend like I did with my mother is communication. Talk to him tell him how you feel. And don't apoligize for feeling the way you do. Cause that's just showing submission to him. Cause if he is just pulling, I guess your chain it gives him a sense that he can just swwet talk you. Patience is a hard thing to come by when you really want something. And the saying is true absence makes the heart grow fonder. I'm not going to tell you to be patient. In my opinion, especially if he is leaving for another college, is to find out where your boundries are with one another. Discuss the possibilities of the gf/bf phase. And find out where you two stand with each other. And BE HONEST. Don't hold back on his account. Even if you have to write it all down and give it to him. Then sit down and talk. I know it seems kind of high schoolish but it works. I do it with my fiancée. And it helps him better understand me cause sometimes I can't get out how I feel about something's.
    Cat1864's Avatar
    Cat1864 Posts: 8,007, Reputation: 3687
    Marriage Expert
     
    #14

    Aug 24, 2011, 10:00 AM
    How can I be more patient, and stop waiting around for him to message me. (and don't say try finding a new hobby, or hanging out with friends. I dont have time for that. I'm a full time college student who takes school serious).
    If you don't have time for things that help you relax and keep a balance in your life, then how do you have for time sitting around waiting for him to call or be in a relationship?

    You are putting all of your focus on two things-him and school-where is the focus on things that help you exercise patience. Reading, knitting, gardening, cooking, walking, the gym, volunteering, etc. All the things that help you keep from putting too much importance on not hearing from him for six hours. Things that keep you from getting upset when he seems to back off from your five year plan.

    He may want a relationship with you, but he may be afraid of things getting out of control and moving too quickly since you have already mentioned marriage and children. He knows what you want, but do you truly know or understand what he wants and needs.

    Does he have space and time for himself to enjoy hobbies and friends or do you think he should be focused on work, school and you?

    I truly think you need to find a balance in your life before you drive him away and have no one else in your support system.
    mmresd's Avatar
    mmresd Posts: 2,002, Reputation: 553
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    #15

    Aug 26, 2011, 06:41 PM
    Yeah, cut your messaging. Sometimes a period of only talking on the phone around three times a week and then stopping to see what happens would be recommended to see if he actually has an interest in you. At least you know his lifestyle, he likes to go out and hang out with girl friends, I am the same way, and if my girlfriend would not be down with me doing the things I enjoyed to do I could simply not be with her. So see how you can (if you can) accommodate to his lifestyle and then he will be more lenient to accommodating to yours, maybe you just need more communication than him, which happens a lot of the time.
    vanheart's Avatar
    vanheart Posts: 2,806, Reputation: 708
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    #16

    Aug 27, 2011, 07:59 PM
    What it sounds like is that you are hung up on him.

    Haven't moved or is growing, like he wants to do.

    Of course his response to bugging you isn't what you want to hear.

    Hes moved on. You haven't. You haven't realized.
    Doesn't mean you both didn't have fun, but feelings change.

    Take his lead.

    Hes not the one pursuing you.

    Stop that notion of getting back, explore life.

    Live for you. This is the time.
    agh1990's Avatar
    agh1990 Posts: 40, Reputation: 15
    Junior Member
     
    #17

    Aug 30, 2011, 02:00 PM
    Like you said before, you've both grown up a lot and you have to remember that you're not going out with that same 16 year old boy anymore, so you can't compare him to how he used to be.
    Relationships in your twenties are very different to relationships in your teens, you're not so dependent on each other and have your own lives as well as the life you share together. I think that because of your past with this guy, you've got this perspective a little mixed up, and are still expecting him to be the love-sick puppy he was at 16.
    Try looking at him in a new light. The light of a 21 year old boy who likes you, who you have amazing chemistry with, and who talks to you every so often over the internet.
    In the meantime, don't send him hundreds of messages that he doesn't answer because, in my personal experience, if he's not the kind of guy who replies to them, then this will drive him away.
    Become more independent, don't rely on him so much, and things will become easier and more fun when you're together AND when you're apart.

    Good luck and I hope everything works out for you.xx
    hannah f's Avatar
    hannah f Posts: 19, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #18

    Sep 7, 2011, 09:52 PM
    What should I do?
    I have a huge problem. About 2 months ago my ex boyfriend contacted me on Facebook after 3 years of no contact. He wanted to get back together with me. We met when we were 15 and 16 years old and we were together for a ear and 8 months. I was having trust problems with my family so he broke up with me because he wanted me to get closer to my family and have them trust me again. After these 3 years I have changed a lot. I grew a lot closer to my family and I have their trust(just like he was hoping for). So we have been talking about getting back together again. We are now 21 and 20 years old and both in college. Well lately I have been having problems with him. Everything was going great at first but this past week I have been getting mixed signals. I'm 20 years old and my parents still don't allow me to date but I think that it should be my choice if I want to date or not. So I have to go behind my parents back whenever I go see him. Now that we are back in school we made a plan to see each other every Tuesday and Thursday, but he is always canceling on me. Right when we are about to meet up he says he can't make it because he has work or he is car pooling with a friend and can't make it. He has canceled on me 3 times in a row now and it hurts me so much because I can't always see him when ever I want. I can only see him on the days I have school. I talked to him about this and asked him if he really wants me back and he says yes. Usually when guys cancel 3 times in a row it means that they don't like you and don't want to see you. So I asked him about it and he says he has been stressed out lately and has a lot on his plate. I told him that I'm stressed too and we all have our problems but it doesn't mean that you have to cancel 3 times. I told him not to play with my heart and he said he didn't come back to hurt me or break my heart. When we are together we have a great time and I feel like I'm on top of the world but when we are apart I feel like he doesn't care about me. He doesn't talk to me like he used to. We barely ever talk anymore. I told him that if he wants to be with me then he needs to show me, and if he doesn't want to be with me then end it. He said he wants to take it slow and make the right choices for us to work and he said he is not giving up on trying to get me back. I don't know what to do anymore, I keep crying and getting worried because I want this to work out more than anything. Even though we were broken up for 3 years I still had feelings for him and he told me that he had feelings for me too. He said that he has always wanted me and he won't stop trying to get me back. When we saw each other for the first time again he said it was the best thing to ever happen to him. He said that when he holds me in his arms he forgets every thought in his mind, when he kisses me it felt like he was living in a dream but it was real and that when he saw me again after 3 years it was the best thing to happen for him. I am so confused about how he feels. One day he is giving me attention and wanting to see me but most of the time he doesn't even try to work for anything. I feel like I'm doing all the work. Im heart broken because I do love him. I always have, and I always will. But right now Im not in love with him. We were each others first love, first kiss, first everything. But I think he is scared. I don't know and I wish I knew. I keep trying to ask him but he always says lets see where it goes and hope for the best. He is transferring to another college in the spring. And he will be moving about 4 hours away. I feel like I have a time limit to make "us" work out and I don't want to feel that way. I need help. What do I do about this situation? Should I keep trying? Should I back off and let him do the work? But at the end of the day I still find myself messaging him and wanting to work it out. How can I stop myself from messaging him? Help me please...
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 39,354, Reputation: 5431
    Jobs & Parenting Expert
     
    #19

    Sep 7, 2011, 10:03 PM
    If getting together is difficult now, his moving to a college four hours away won't make things any easier.

    It sounds like you have given this relationship a fair try, but it doesn't seem to be going anywhere. If I were you, I'd tell him to "poke me with stick -- I'm done."
    amicon's Avatar
    amicon Posts: 6,066, Reputation: 1911
    Uber Member
     
    #20

    Sep 8, 2011, 12:40 AM
    It's not going anywhere,is it?

    I think it's time to let this go.

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