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donelly1 · Aug 9, 2011, 07:03 AM

I recently started hanging out with my ex girlfriend who I dated for about a year and a half. We broke up about 4 months ago and after 3 months of very limited contact she called me up and said she wanted to see me and that she wanted to date again. I was skeptical to meet her but I really feel like I love her and since she told me how sorry she was and how she wanted to get back together I decided to give it a chance because I still love her. She broke up me to begin with. The main reason we broke up was cause of distance but recently she has moved much closer to me.

The past month we have been hanging out with each other and it's very strange because it feels like we are together but she has told me that she is confused and doesn't know what she wants. She treats me like a boyfriend and when we are together it is like we are a couple again in every way except we no longer sleep together.

I want to have her in my life at least as a friend but I don't know if I can do it much longer. I have told her I am interested in getting back together and starting a new but she is "confused" about what she wants. Yesterday I had a great time with her we went to the zoo and our personalities just click so well and we were laughing and joking the whole day. At the end of the day though I think it is more harmful to me than fun to be with her because I am not totally over her and it's strange to me that now when we hang out that we hold hands, kiss and hug and even after having a such a great time together that she is still "confused" as to what she wants. I have never brought up the whole relationship topic since I met up with her a month ago but maybe I should again.

She has told me that she wants to be friends for awhile and then maybe start dating again, but I am not sure what to do. I also want to be friends with her and have her in my life even if we don't date but maybe I need to give it more time before I do that.

Any thoughts on what she is thinking or suggestions on how I should go about the situation? I care about her a lot and I have a feeling that there will never be someone I love as much as her. I believe that love deserves many chances and that she is worth it so I keep trying to think positive about it but the situation I am in now with her is just very painful for me. I really appreciate the feedback, thanks in advance.

amicon · Aug 9, 2011, 09:13 AM

The best thing you can do for yourself and your peace of mind when people are confused is to leave them to their confusion and go on living your own life.

Putting your life on hold for someone else is not a good thing.

talaniman · Aug 9, 2011, 08:14 PM

You got your wish, you are friends now, and hanging out. Oh that's right, your holding out for a title, or sex, or both.

Don't. She wants to be friends for a while, or until she makes friends where she is at. Then she won't need you as much will she?

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ck-569954.html

Same girl I assume?

donelly1 · Aug 11, 2011, 08:32 AM

What I want is to be with her again. I don't need a title or even sex cause it's enough to be with her but I love her and I just want the same in return. I guess I just want things to be how they were before. I'm not sure what she is thinking and if she is interested or not. I want to be with her but I know that I can't change how someone thinks so I just feel frustrated.

I don't understand how she can possibly not know what she wants it seems like if she really knew that the decision would not be so hard. I guess that it is totally over but I just thought maybe there was some hope left. There are tons of girls where I live and I do have other chances but all I can think about is my ex. I know that it is pathetic to be so into one girl when there is a whole world out there, and trust me I haven't told her how much heartache she has caused me but I really fell for her and still 4 months from the break up I dream about her all the time...

talaniman · Aug 11, 2011, 10:47 AM

She is not confused at all my friend, she likes things the way they are and very skillfully fends you off to keep a distance between you to keep you in her life, and have a great time, while not committing to romance. This has kept your feelings stirred up, keeps hope alive, and has kept you from healing, and moving on and enjoy any other option, and opportunity.

You are the one confused, as she has made her decision, and stuck to it while you still want more, but are frustrated that you can't get it.

You cannot accept the fact that you won't get what you want from her, so you just keep trying.

That's referred to as running head first into a brick wall. Knowing full well that as hard as your head is, the brick wall is harder, and running into it faster will not knock it down.

donelly1 · Aug 12, 2011, 08:51 AM

I appreciate the feedback. I understand that she is basically like poison to me and that I need to cut ties completely and move on as hard as it is to do that. Still I already did it once! This time I won't waste time and meet up with her again even if she says in the future that she is "wanting to get back together".

I am going to cut ties with her after this weekend but I was just curious if anyone else had any input. Anyone else have thoughts about the situation or advice?

liz28 · Aug 12, 2011, 09:41 AM

Situations like this usually don't end well. I have been there and done that and have seen some friends of my own go through this. It is either the person wants to be with you or not. And if they want to be with you believe me they won't be confused about it. Life is too short to play these games and since you know where she stands on the issue and you know how you feel about her why would you put yourself out there to get hurt all over again?