[RobertBo]

My wife and I have been together for 9 years and married for 2 of them. We have no children together yet. Around 2 months ago we moved into a new apartment together. After around 3 weeks here she began to pull away from me. She started sleeping on the couch and wouldn't look me in the eye. After confronting her with knowing something was wrong several times, she expressed to me that she had been having an emotional affair for the last 6 months. To top it off, it is with a man she had a physical affair on me with around 7 years ago. At the time I was patient and waited for her when she left me for him. When I felt it was time to move on, I told her I was leaving and she came back. I told her she must never speak to him again and she agreed.

The last year of our relationship has been a difficult time. I have been very absorbed in my own problems and haven't been there for her as I should have. I understand some why she contacted him. They have been emailing back and forth daily since around 6 months ago, and now she's talking about moving multiple states away to be with him. He is a manipulative person and has given her lines such as fate and destiny, the same lines he's used on most of the woman he dated when I knew him. She seems in love with the romanticism and tells me she can't forgive me for not being there for her emotionally for the last year. However, she swings from this and comes to bed with me. She also sometimes discusses our future together, tells me she loves me and we still make love. Things will be well between us, then she'll get an email from him and tell me we'll never work and she isn't in love with me. I'm trying to be patient and supportive. I've been writing her poetry, emailing her love song links, sitting with her all night just talking and laughing. I'm trying to show her that I love her and will be destroyed if she leaves me. She's my world. But every time he emails her she gets very aggressive towards me just for being here. She's gone as far as to tell me that I'm interchangeable and that she's only still here because she doesn't want to leave state yet. She will then "make it up" to me in the morning by telling me she didn't mean it and making love to me. She tells me that I'm oppressive sometimes when I come over to her and ask her how she's doing when she's online, then criticizes me for not showing her attention and affection. The unpredictability is very tough.
What should I do? I've tried telling her to do whatever she needs to and I'll just be here loving her. Should I back off? Should I keep trying hard to show her why she loves me? I'm very hurt and confused and trying to make the best decisions I can. She refuses to stop talking to him, so I'm resigned to just waiting for her to realize her feelings for me and to stop on her own. I've even told her to take her time. That I love and support her and don't want to lose her. Is this the wrong response? She tells me that she's still here isn't she, and that should say something. I could use some help.

[talaniman]

Divorce her, and disappear and find someone that truly deserves a good partner, and will appreciate and reward them with the loyalty they deserve.

Nobody deserves to be lied to and cheated on.

[odinn7]

My first wife cheated on me and I forgave her and she said she would never do it again. Well, she did. I thought I couldn't live without her and tried to work it out... even blaming myself for her cheating. It's funny what your mind will do to you when it comes to someone you think you love. Your own mind will torture you and make you do things that are simply irrational. I finally got up the courage to take everything I had and I left her. Walked out on her. It was tough but within weeks, I was so much better off. Seriously. I felt better and the world was new again. I look back on all the things I did to try and stay together with her and now it pisses me off that I compromised myself like that. It really does.

In my opinion, divorce her. She's worthless and is just playing with your emotions. Right now she needs a place to live and someone to help with the bills until her other thing works out for her. You are being used. Save yourself and divorce her. You will be so much better off. I promise you that.

[Jake2008]

People don't have affairs because their partner or spouse are neglecting them. People have affairs and use that type of excuse to justify their behaviour, and place the blame where it does not belong- on you.

Responsible people in a committed, long term especially, relationship, talk. They communicate their needs, and express feeling neglected. Then work on it with their partner. Or go to counselling.

A responsible partner doesn't contact an ex, and begin an affair, and justify it by blaming it on someone else. Nothing about what you have said indicates that she feels her behaviour is wrong, unfounded, unfair, or that she feels any remorse, or that she wants to make her marriage work.

She is manipulating you, as much as her ex is manipulating her. And your behaviour toward her is because you think she is being manipulated, so what do you do? You try harder.

I don't know why you keep putting yourself in the position of accepting her and her false promises, and why you think you need to take any responsibility for her decision to have an affair with another man.

She has already shown to both you and her boyfriend, that she can have either one of you, or both of you.

It's up to you whether to continue with this situation, or get out.

My advice is to get out, and never look back.

[Helpful_guy]

Dude leave now... She is using you as Hotel with free room and service!! You seem like an emotional and nice Guy... you should leave her so you are not hurt. Spend the time looking for some body worth spending time with. You have been the choice stuck with until something better comes along for her!! Good Luck

[ZoeMarie]

Leave... and never look back. She sounds like a real piece of work. If she had any respect for you she would quit talking to this guy and focus on you. She's got problems and you shouldn't have to put up with that. No one should

[answerme_tender]

No offense---But your wife isn't " In love" with you. She may have a emotional connection with you but its not on the same level that she apparentlly has for her former lover. She has proven he NOT you comes FIRST!!

I know this is one of the most painful embarrassing hurts you will have to over come. But its time to move on.