[jpsy2003]

My neighbor is married to a listed sexual predator. His picture is on the internet for our state as a sexual predator. I worked with this man for 5 years. It was very difficult, because he is such a horrible guy. He finally was fired. He has a anti-social personality. His wife is totally opposite. Why does she refuse to accept the kind of man that he is? I am scared of him! She acts like his mother instead of his wife. Please, help me to understand her behavior.

[shygrneyzs]

There is a whole socio-pathological arena for those who are with, and continue to stay with, men as you describe. There is not one magic bullet answer to your question. It is as complicated as nature itself. It could be though, that she is scared to leave, for fear of what he might do to her. Did you ever think of that? She may be smiling on the outside but scared to death on the inside. One never knows, sometimes until it is too late. Have you tried talking to her? Being her friend? It calls for some diplomacy.

Some things you could read about women who stay with abusive men are:

Abusive Relationships FAQ

Females and verbal abuse

Domestic Abuse

Amazon.com: Angry Men And The Women Who Love Them: Breaking The Cycle Of Physical And Emotional Abuse: Books: Paul Hegstrom

[jpsy2003]

I am her friend, but he doesn't want her to have any friends. He is obnoxious, devious, and mean. She tells me that she can't sleep. I have talked to her about his behavior. She says that he has 2 personalities. That he seems depressed. I told her that he needs help. She says that he won't get help. I am scared for her safety and mine.

[shygrneyzs]

I know it is very hard to stand by and see this happen to someone you care about. Perhaps the best you can do for her, other than prayer (and I mean lots of prayer), is to let her know she has a safe place to come to when she needs it. If she ever does come and need shelter, please take her to another safe place, as her husband will come looking for her at your door. If he does not get help, she should get help for herself. Maybe in that she will gain some strength to make the step out the door and to freedom. Sometimes, many times in fact, women have to leave with just the clothes on their backs. Have you ever asked her if she has a contingency plan for her safety? Some money set aside where he does not know, a place to go and how to get there, etc. Has she ever visited with someone from a women's shelter? Safe shelters like that have many resources for women in those situations. They can even arrange for her to go to a place out of state.

I wish you the very best here. You sound like a caring neighbor and friend. Bless you and your friend.

[jpsy2003]

To shygrneyzs, I went next door this morning. It is bad weather here. Both cars were there. I rang the doorbell twice. I heard doors shutting in there. No one would come to the door. I went to her cousins house up the road. Unfortunately, no one was there. I am worried about my friend. Do you think he has done something to her? Thank-you for your insight!