[Bekah21]

So I've been with the same guy ever since I was 17 and he was 16. We're both 24 now and about 8 months ago he broke up with me. His reasoning was that he just wasn't happy. Now after 8 months of technically being "broken up" we still call/text each other every day, say "i love you," and sleep together, but he STILL says he doesn't know if I'm who he wants to be with. I'm so confused. He's always been a very honest & genuine guy and I do believe that he loves me but why won't he commit?

[southamerica]

You're a familiar and comfortable person to him. I get the feeling that he is serious about wanting to break up with you, but doesn't have the courage to actually follow through.

Now you're just being used, whether he realizes it. He gets all of the benefits of having you the way he's had you for 7 years, but doesn't have to be committed to you. This is because you let it be so.

I say you pick yourself up and walk away. You want a commitment, he doesn't want to give it to you and won't, not at this point. He wants a booty call and until you decide to care about your feelings a little more, he WILL get what he wants (and he is getting it now).

Whatever you decide, do it for YOU. He's acting out of self-interest, I think you ought to do the same. Good luck!

[Bekah21]

Yeah I've kind of known this all along. But I'm so in love with him its hard to let go. I think I've FINALLY reached my breaking point after 8 months of just being strung along. If he comes back so be it, if not then I'm better off.

[talaniman]

Sorry but acting they way you did before the break up gives him free milk, and he doesn't have to buy the cow. Let him be broken up and without your benefits.

Have you just missed the point that after he dumped you, you are as free as he is to explore all those options, and opportunities that you missed being with him through out your teens? This is a great time to let go and explore your world and heal those old wounds, so you can move on.

He doesn't want any further commitments from you, just what you give him free. That doesn't make him a bad guy, just an unfair one to you. Let go, holding on is not helping you. Let go completely, in all ways, and be unavailable to him. Time to find your own things to do that makes you happy, without him.

[vanheart]

When someone decides to break up.

Let 'em.

That means no you.

Take the upper hand & leave him in the dust. May suck, but hold your head up.

Don't talk, hang out, text, or sleep w/him. Ever.

Try that.

He wants freedom, but also wants booty call from you. Lame.
If you continue, you are to blame.

[HurtScorpio]

I am sure this is going to be very tough for you because I am guessing this may have been a first serious love for you? Seven years is also a very long time especially in a teen relationship and it is usually more difficult, well, not always, but tends to be very difficult for a female who has loved for that long of a time in her teens to break away from a 7 year long relationship. I know because I have been there. I met my first love, first sexual partner, at age 18. I was with him throughout my college years and we moved in together at age 18. Then I stayed with him thinking he was my one and only and married him. Then time went on, I accepted things I should not have such as his alcohol abuse and drug abuse. He went to jail for something he did before he met me and stayed there for 8 months. I waited for him loally (previous to marrying him) and 1 month later he started to act strange and we broke it off. He "suddenly" dated another girl he "just happen to meet" who he went out with for 2 weeks and the entir time told me he would always think of me when with her, called me, came over to have sex with me, and then when I decided to end that he wanted to be back with only me. My point in all this is, I strongly believe that if your boyfriend has decided that he was disconnected himself from a commitment from his relationship to you, then you MUST show him what that means or you WILL become a doormat. Again I will quote Dr. Phil,"You teach people how to treat you." Right now you are teaching him that it is OK to not commit to you, have sex w/ you, and be available when he feels like it and it makes you look naïve. His obligations are not much. He just calls you, texts you, says those 3 magic words, and knows he can have the "nice sex " he has been having w/you for years because sex w/ a new person is always uncomfortable and you two have become quite comfortable. STOP NOW. SHOCK THE HECK OUT OF HIM. He will not know what happened. I suggest: DO NOT return calls or texts under any circunstances NO MATTER WHAT and NO MATTER how TEMPTING. DO NOT -I REPEAT NOT HAVE ANY SEXUAL OR PHYSICAL CONTACT. Act as if this man NEVER existed. This will be VERY challenging. Remember THIS IS WHAT HE WANTED. NO EXPLANATION -just do it. Give yourself time to heal -this was a long relationship and you do not want to hurt another with going on a rebound relationship and it may seem fun but you will get hurt too. Now is the time to go out w/friends, buy yourself clothes, have fun, realize you are single and go out, maybe flirt a bit. Don't be surprised if he starts calling and texting like a maniac or begging for you back. Don't fall for it. That is called NOW he wants you because he can't have you but if you got back together he would not want you again. MAYBE if you have a few months w/o him you can reconnect on a serious level when he realizes what he had but I really think he is seeing that he has to sow his oats before he commits. Plus, he needs to or you will marry him and he may cheat so please get away now. I do not doubt in any way he cares for you but if he LOVES you he will return in a few months without contact and if he does not, as the saying goes, it was not meant to be.