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    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,910, Reputation: 5430
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    #21

    Aug 8, 2011, 09:56 AM

    Then a new therapist has to be found. This can't be swept under the rug.
    Jacob_s's Avatar
    Jacob_s Posts: 17, Reputation: 1
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    #22

    Aug 9, 2011, 09:07 AM
    I'm trying, but it's not going as good as I hoped...
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,910, Reputation: 5430
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    #23

    Aug 9, 2011, 09:48 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Jacob's View Post
    I'm trying, but it's not going as good as I hoped...
    What did you say? What did she say?
    Jacob_s's Avatar
    Jacob_s Posts: 17, Reputation: 1
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    #24

    Aug 10, 2011, 09:11 AM
    Generally I talk about what happened since the last session and then she tells me she doesn't want to be there and no good will come out,that it's a waste of time and money, and that she is prefectly fine...
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,495, Reputation: 2853
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    #25

    Aug 10, 2011, 02:56 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Jacob's View Post
    Generally I talk about what happend since the last session and then she tells me she doesn't want to be there and no good will come out,that its a waste of time and money, and that she is prefectly fine...
    And this has been Happily married?? Sorry... but she really needs a few laws laid down... the first being stop doing that. SHe accepts she has a problem and tries to get help or you pack your stuff and file for divorce, your marriage was technically never consummated... and you might get away without paying anything. THAT is the one thing that would really be in your favor. IF you was married in the Church... they would easily give an annulment on those grounds.

    Its only been 2 years... its a lot easier to walk away now... (and Cheaper) than if you put up with this crap for 10+ years before you get fed up and walk away then.

    I really wish her the best and hope she gets help... but only if she accepts she needs it. No husband (or wife) should be forced to live a life of celibacy unless it's a mutual choice.
    Jacob_s's Avatar
    Jacob_s Posts: 17, Reputation: 1
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    #26

    Aug 15, 2011, 02:23 PM
    I suppose your right, but I don't want to leave her. I don't want to be without her. I do need her, more than she actually needs me... I just don't want to be another person to hurt her.
    Jacob_s's Avatar
    Jacob_s Posts: 17, Reputation: 1
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    #27

    Sep 8, 2011, 07:22 AM
    One has been found! She's finally opening up to me... I guess patientice does pay off. :)
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,910, Reputation: 5430
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    #28

    Sep 8, 2011, 08:03 AM
    Keep us up to date with what's going on -- more details, please!
    Aurora_Bell's Avatar
    Aurora_Bell Posts: 4,193, Reputation: 822
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    #29

    Sep 8, 2011, 08:26 AM
    I just stumbled across this, and I am so glad to hear that another therapist has been found!

    I have also had a traumatic sexual experience as a young girl, but have been able to have healthy sexual relationships with my partners. Granted there were some times when it was hard and confusing for me, thatís why therapy can be such a great tool for issues like this.

    With her saying "nothing good can come of this" I am thinking there is a deep rooted issue from her past that she does not want brought up. If she loves you, it's going to be something she has to get over. If not she needs to start fresh with a partner who chooses to be celibate themselves. If you want to make this sacrifice for her, kudos to you, you are a very strong, understanding man, and she is one LUCKY gal.

    I wish you both the best of luck, and please do keep us posted.
    Jacob_s's Avatar
    Jacob_s Posts: 17, Reputation: 1
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    #30

    Oct 6, 2011, 09:04 AM
    :) All is going well. While I haven't had real sex with her yet, we're getting there. I have found out that the man who raised her as a child was not her father and he abused her up until the age of 14 when she ran away. The woman she believed to be her mother was her aunt and after a few years she found her real parents... From there I don't know yet...
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,910, Reputation: 5430
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    #31

    Oct 6, 2011, 09:20 AM
    Baby steps, take baby steps. Sounds like all is truly going well. Please continue to check in and let us know. (And I admire your patience.)
    Jacob_s's Avatar
    Jacob_s Posts: 17, Reputation: 1
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    #32

    Oct 6, 2011, 09:31 AM
    Thank you.
    Jacob_s's Avatar
    Jacob_s Posts: 17, Reputation: 1
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    #33

    Oct 7, 2011, 06:52 AM
    For the first time in a long time she slept in my arms. Her past is a lot more confusing then I ever thought it could be. It makes sense why she wouldn't talk to anyone. Last night we just talked... She told me she's been afraid. She was afraid that I would just walk away and leave her at the moments she needed me the most and she explained how torn she was between locking herself away again and just letting herself out. She said she wants to have sex so bad but can't bring herself to do it all... I finally know all of what I have to do and I'm so glad I didn't leave.
    Jacob_s's Avatar
    Jacob_s Posts: 17, Reputation: 1
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    #34

    Oct 7, 2011, 09:41 AM
    I am taking my wife out on vaction for two weeks ;) so I won't be able to post updates
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,910, Reputation: 5430
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    #35

    Oct 7, 2011, 09:44 AM
    Have a great time and be gentle with each other! We will miss you and will be glad to hear from you when you return.
    kp2171's Avatar
    kp2171 Posts: 5,318, Reputation: 1612
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    #36

    Oct 8, 2011, 08:22 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Jacob_s View Post
    For the first time in a long time she slept in my arms. Her past is a lot more confusing then I ever thought it could be. It makes sense why she wouldn't talk to anyone. Last night we just talked... She told me she's been afraid. She was afraid that I would just walk away and leave her at the moments she needed me the most and she explained how torn she was between locking herself away again and just letting herself out. She said she wants to have sex so bad but can't bring herself to do it all... I finally know all of what I have to do and I'm so glad I didn't leave.
    I am glad you are patient and willing to work things out.

    ...

    You don't need to be a martyr. You get to say out loud what you want and what you need.

    And I think you are doing a great job of both.

    ...
    QLP's Avatar
    QLP Posts: 980, Reputation: 656
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    #37

    Oct 9, 2011, 03:05 AM
    Am so glad to hear the progress. Hope you both have a great holiday.

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