Ask Experts Questions for FREE Help !
Ask
    Krs's Avatar
    Krs Posts: 2,906, Reputation: 320
    Ultra Member
     
    #1

    Aug 4, 2011, 03:01 AM
    Friends who always want to do what they want?
    I have two friends in particular who recently have said I AM DIFFICULT TO MEET UP WITH.

    I was noticing as d months went by that we did ALWAYS what they wanted to do it. ( they are not mutual friends ) separate friends, but very similar.

    So they are now saying I'm difficult to meet because I refuse to do what they want.

    Example.. one of them was off work for 5 days, and she said she misses me and what not.. so I told her lets make an effort to meet one day when you are off. She replied saying YES WE SHOULD.. 5 days later!! Im not going to stick around and wait, am I? So again she remarked I can never meet.

    I always suggest easy things to do that arnt costly, like swimming.. but she is never interested always with excuses. She suggested a concert which cost money!
    Another one :- I was about to organize a bbq at my house, but she said yes or at mine! She said probably best at mine because (her son) will be naughty and she won't relax.. he sleeps very late her son, so I said its better at mine, because my son sleeps at a reasonable hour and I won't be relaxed to take him out after his bed time, and as her soon sleeps at ridiculous hours. I said he can come out to my house.
    Am I right I start getting annoyed?

    The other one.. its abit different.. Its easier for me to meet in afternoon, but for her in the evening. So not sure how to work on that?!
    QLP's Avatar
    QLP Posts: 980, Reputation: 656
    Senior Member
     
    #2

    Aug 4, 2011, 04:46 AM

    'Let's meet up sometime' never happens. Make a definite date and time suggestion. If that isn't convenient ask the other person to make their own suggestion. Your first example sounds like both of you were waiting for the other to come up with something concrete so it didn't happen.

    With the other scenarios, have a proper chat about what the problems are that are preventing you getting together. Be honest about not being able to afford expensive venues. Discuss your mutual time constraints. Don't just wait until the next problem arises, tackle it with, 'I miss seeing you but we never seem to be able to get the details sorted so can we discuss a plan?'

    If these tactics don't bear any fruit maybe it's time to find some new friends whose interests etc fit in more with yours.
    Krs's Avatar
    Krs Posts: 2,906, Reputation: 320
    Ultra Member
     
    #3

    Aug 4, 2011, 06:12 AM
    Every time I suggest something concrete it never happens.. always with excuses
    Krs's Avatar
    Krs Posts: 2,906, Reputation: 320
    Ultra Member
     
    #4

    Aug 4, 2011, 06:27 AM
    And I agree about making a plan with a date and time etc... when I suggested the bbq in 2 weeks time she said ' its 2 weeks away now we see '
    What am I supposed to do? My husband told me to make other plans!
    QLP's Avatar
    QLP Posts: 980, Reputation: 656
    Senior Member
     
    #5

    Aug 4, 2011, 07:05 AM

    In that case I would tend to agree with your husband. If your pals won't commit to anything why should you?
    Krs's Avatar
    Krs Posts: 2,906, Reputation: 320
    Ultra Member
     
    #6

    Aug 4, 2011, 07:16 AM
    Exactly! Regardless if its tomorrow or in 2 weeks time why not plan and agree on a date! My husband suggested we have a date night me and him.
    It just bothers and upsets me.. especially when they turn around and say - YOU (as in me) CAN NEVER MEET!
    They say that now because before its true I used to always do whatever they wanted to suit them.. not anymore!
    odinn7's Avatar
    odinn7 Posts: 7,691, Reputation: 1547
    Entomology Expert
     
    #7

    Aug 4, 2011, 07:24 AM
    I was writing a response to this in which I went into detail but then I erased it all. I decided to just leave it with this: I had a similar situation for years. I finally decided I wasn't going to deal with it anymore. If I'm available when they want to do something and I have nothing going on, fine. Other than that, I do my own thing and don't wait around.
    Krs's Avatar
    Krs Posts: 2,906, Reputation: 320
    Ultra Member
     
    #8

    Aug 4, 2011, 07:54 AM
    Even if its always their suggestion you would still go?
    Krs's Avatar
    Krs Posts: 2,906, Reputation: 320
    Ultra Member
     
    #9

    Aug 4, 2011, 07:55 AM
    Knowing they wouldn't make the effort for you
    odinn7's Avatar
    odinn7 Posts: 7,691, Reputation: 1547
    Entomology Expert
     
    #10

    Aug 4, 2011, 09:25 AM
    even if its always their suggestion you would still go?
    Only if it's something I want to do anyway. If it's not something I want to do, then I forget about it. Life is complicated enough without having "friends" that make it worse. And also... guess what? I have found other people to hang out with that are not only more reliable, but better friends overall. I'm saying, this could happen for you also.
    Krs's Avatar
    Krs Posts: 2,906, Reputation: 320
    Ultra Member
     
    #11

    Aug 4, 2011, 09:49 AM
    Or to suit their needs only.. friendship is 2 ways.. This friend in particular.. asked me to go collect a bed for her. Number 1. I have a new car, 2 how on earth is a bed meant to fit in a car, it's a fold away bed she said, whatever that means..
    I felt used abit.. she hardly messages first only for favours.
    I had nothing to do but I refused to go and said I'm busy. She tried to make me feel bad for not going and even used it as an escuse we get to see each other abit!
    The next day we spoke and she asked what I did yesterday (the day she needed me to collect a bed) I said I had a nice day by the pool with my friend. She said I thought you were busy that's why you couldn't take me to collect the bed!! Can you believe the check. I even had invited her to the pool but she didn't want to!
    What more can I do??
    odinn7's Avatar
    odinn7 Posts: 7,691, Reputation: 1547
    Entomology Expert
     
    #12

    Aug 4, 2011, 11:28 AM
    There's really not much more you can do. Some people only want to use others and you can't change them.
    Krs's Avatar
    Krs Posts: 2,906, Reputation: 320
    Ultra Member
     
    #13

    Aug 8, 2011, 02:56 AM
    So I have heard back from my friend, the one about the BBQ. She told me 'this weekend we are having a farewell bbq at our place' (as they are moving into a new apt) I was stunned, after last week I had suggest FIRSTLY one at mine. She said she still need to speak to her boyfriend about it though.

    If it happens at her house, and you were me, would you go?!
    odinn7's Avatar
    odinn7 Posts: 7,691, Reputation: 1547
    Entomology Expert
     
    #14

    Aug 8, 2011, 09:01 AM
    If you don't go, there will be fall out from it. You may lose her as a friend over it... it could happen. You have to weigh the pros and cons and decide for yourself on this one. Nobody here can really give you that answer.
    Krs's Avatar
    Krs Posts: 2,906, Reputation: 320
    Ultra Member
     
    #15

    Aug 10, 2011, 01:36 AM
    No more suggestions have been made... My heart tells me go but my mind tells me not to go.. Thing is my son has a very good routine and is in bed by latest 8pm. So mostly he will be uncomfy if we go. I could make him a have later nap so he stays awake abit longer.. If we go I won't stay late to suit my sons needs.
    QLP's Avatar
    QLP Posts: 980, Reputation: 656
    Senior Member
     
    #16

    Aug 11, 2011, 09:29 AM

    Little trick of mine when I'm not sure what I want. Toss a coin. Doesn't actually matter how the coin lands, it's how I realise I hope it has landed just before checking.
    Krs's Avatar
    Krs Posts: 2,906, Reputation: 320
    Ultra Member
     
    #17

    Aug 11, 2011, 09:33 AM
    I like it!! Thanks ;)
    dontknownuthin's Avatar
    dontknownuthin Posts: 2,910, Reputation: 751
    Ultra Member
     
    #18

    Aug 11, 2011, 05:57 PM

    People with small children can be difficult to meet up with and for that reason I suggest you meet up to do something that is kid focused. If the kids are entertained and having fun, you and the mother will have a chance to talk. Consider a trip to the zoo, meet up at a McDonald's play land, or just have a playdate at one of your homes or a playground and have a simple lunch - nothing wrong with packing sandwiches at home.

    As another option, see if the fathers will watch the children and let you meet for a chick flick and to go out for a drink or a piece of pie and coffee. Moms need a break on occasion and I enjoyed doing this when my son was small. If there are no hepful dads in the picture, would grandma, a sister or other friend sit for you or trade the favor with you on occasion?
    Krs's Avatar
    Krs Posts: 2,906, Reputation: 320
    Ultra Member
     
    #19

    Aug 12, 2011, 12:01 AM

    I have tried and tried, I suggested swimming by my pool with the kids.. excuses , excuses, I suggested going for a coffee excuses, excuses, I suggested just me and her going for a coffee, excuses, excuses! OK to be fair her partner isn't very helpful but strangly enough she manages to go out for dinner with her single friends! Yesterday she asked me nicely to help her with her house move... (just seems to ask me for favours) cosim a friend I said OK sure.. but I need notice so I find a sitter for my son as its diffuclt to pack etc when you are trying to look after a hyper toddler. I hope she listens and doesn't ask me on the day and expect me to help her.

    Yesterday I met a friend who has a child almost as old as mine, went to an outdoor play area. We enjoyed a coffee while the kids played, so I isn't that difficult to meet up with.. Its her!
    Krs's Avatar
    Krs Posts: 2,906, Reputation: 320
    Ultra Member
     
    #20

    Aug 14, 2011, 08:10 AM
    Again I tried to suggest them joining us for a quite bite to eat tonight but she said we staying in getting a take out! Should I ignore?

Not your question? Ask your question View similar questions

 

Question Tools Search this Question
Search this Question:

Advanced Search


Check out some similar questions!

My friends husband cosign for a apartment and she use her first name and my friends s [ 1 Answers ]

My friends husband use as a cosigner for a apt lease without her knowledge and they use another name with the husband last name and thet want to get out of the lease what is the procedure to go tru this the landlord said that the husband can be out off the lease if the other tenant will find...

Ex is seeing a lot of one of my best friends. Think I'm losing friends everywhere [ 5 Answers ]

Ok, not to bore anyone with details, but my ex and I broke up a couple of months ago, and I've found it excruciating to deal with my feelings. I have good and bad days, and a couple of days ago would have been our 2 year anniversary. I've noticed that one of my best friends is getting very close...


View more questions Search