[guillenfan]

I am 36, my boyfriend is 52. We have been together for 8years. For the most part it's been a good relationship, although we've had our ups and downs. I have 2 kids from a previous marriage (15 yr old and 13 yr old) and he also has 2 kids --his are grown adults.
We tried to live together 3 yrs ago, but it didn't work out.( we fought a lot and I didn't want to put my kids through seeing us fight so much. He had problems with me being on Facebook and "not disciplining" my kids enough, and I had problems with his dog peeing all over the house and his ex-wife calling so much. She would call just to shoot the breeze and ask him for favors like putting the air conditioner in the window, changing her tire.. stuff like that) anyway we couldn't see eye to eye on any of those things and we decided to save our relationship , we should live separately again. He said I was being to controlling by demanding that his ex-wife only call for important things, not things that she should do for herself.
After the move out , we would see each other on weekends when my kids are with their dad and 2 evenings out of the week. After 3 years of this, I'm ready for more. Ive been with him for 8years now and I feel that we should move 4ward. Or at least spend more time with us. He goes to the bar a few nights out of the week (2 or 3) and has taken to going on motorcyle trips with this friend of his who is in his 20's. I feel that at 36 years old , I'm ready to attempt a family life again and I thought that at his 52 years, he would be too. I've asked him to take US on trips rather than go on motorcyle trips with his friend and have dinner with US every evening rather that the bar after work. He says he is unwilling to give any of that up. Why are these things more important than a family life with me and my girls?

[Wondergirl]

Why do you think living together now, a second time, will work? It doesn't sound like he's interested in giving up his freedom.

[liz28]

I think that our Outlook changes with age. Every relationships has it up and downs as you can see but it only makes a relationship stronger. The two of you have tried the living together thing and that didn't work but the two of you still maintain a relationship.

Now you want to spend more time with him but he doesn't want to you give you that time because he is busy doing other things. Maybe he likes going to bar and hopping on his motorcycle riding the wind with his pal. So if the two of you can't come to an agreement just as simple as spending time with one another then you have some tough decisions to make. And as you can see just because he is 52 doesn't mean nothing. You expressed your concerns and he expressed his.

Do you go out with friends? If not, then maybe you should. Maybe he can find time to eat with you some nights if not every night and maybe he can find time to go away with you instead of saving this options just for his friends but this is something he has to want to do. Balancing out his life and finding time for the one he loves. If can't do that then it would be his lost.

[phillysteakandcheese]

Actions speak louder than words... He's shown you his priorities and that he's not interested in changing them to accommodate you.

Although you've invested a great deal of time with this person, you have to question if you want to spend any more time and effort trying to make something work with him.

[Fr_Chuck]

If you are willing to accept him going to the bar a few nights a week and playing on Facebook every night, then yes, it will work.

He is not going to change, he likes life the way it is and you can either accept that or move on.

By the way, it is not his place to control your kids, esp if just moving in together,
Dogs esp when there is change, like people added to household, will pee on the floor,

[talaniman]

He did the family thing, and tried the live together thing, and now he likes his freedoms, and the way the relationship is.

Why should he change things when he already has things the way he wants them. If you don't tell him so and see what happens, but don't expect him to change. Maybe you will be the one to change. That's up to you.

[E12191G]

I feel as if your looking for traits in a man that he doesn't have. I can understand why you would want to make it work. 8 years is a long time. He seems like he's very set in his own ways of doing things and spending his time.. . Your young, and you still have a shot at meeting someone new. Have you ever considered that? Maybe its just time to find someone more fitting to your lifestyle. Find a family guy!

[vanheart]

Don't push it any further.

Hes not invested or making you feel good.

Ya, know? Hell vs bliss. He wants you when he wants you. Because you are there. Been there. You both know the deal. 8 years.

"We tried to live together 3 yrs ago, but it didnt work out."

Ask yourself why you are where you are. What you've learned so far.

Is this worth it? How much longer?
You can't take back 8 years, but what you can do is start living again & being happy.

Old habit die hard.

Sometimes we have to get on the straight & narrow, write things off, & delve into who we are.
Change for the better good.

Drama free.

[guillenfan]

Thanks!Deep down , I know you're right. I think that perhaps it DID become an old habit and I just don't want to face starting over. Wish me luck!

[guillenfan]

Yeah... I suppose I was just hoping he'd change into something I need him to be and that was wrong on my part..
Thanks for the helpful advice... :)

[guillenfan]

Thanks!

[guillenfan]

Thanks for the input! :) much appreciated!

[guillenfan]

Thanks for the advice! I appreciate it!

[vanheart]

I was thinking that he was the old habit, not you.

Change those thoughts.

The only thing that you are doing wrong is doing the same thing, feeling like crap.

Remove the problem, him. Before its really too late.

Some people would rather stay miserable & be w/someone that cares less, then be alone.

Crazy, huh?