[BelieveInKarma]

Ok... so I'm so torn over this situation, and figured an outside opinion with no connection to myself or the guy would be best.

Quick Background: Both myself and the guy I'm dating were married for 7 months... Both our marriages ended in divorce because our ex's were abusing drugs. He's been single 3 years. I've been single 2 years. He's 30, I'm 29. I would pray that I could one day meet a guy that was exactly like me... and God sent me this guy... he's everything I look for, morals, values, personality, looks... etc...

The Story: We met on an online dating site. First date was amazing... instant attraction and chemistry on both ends. For the first 2 weeks, I kept my guard up even though I was extremely attracted to him mentally and physically. During this time, he was full force 100% into me and showing it. I would tell him to calm down and back off because it was scaring me... which to a degree it did... because of my past, I do have fears of my future.

By the time I ended up being affectionate and showing my feelings towards him, he told me I was right, and that we should take things slow... that he was extremely excited when we met, as I was exactly what he was looking for... but after thinking about it all... realized we should take things slow. Now it's been just over a month... we have an amazing time every time we are together. I am ready to fully commit to him and all of a sudden he tells me he's not sure... that he wants to be 100% ready to be there as a man for me. I respect that so much. But it hurts so much too... as I feel like he did I 360.

We are very open and communicate. What I get from him is that he's just been sad lately... that its not me... that he loves spending time with me... but he needs to figure himself out. When I tell him I'll leave and give him space, he gets sad and tells me he doesn't want me to. That he knows I'm good, but because of his past, he's scared to give me all of him... and he's scared if I leave he'll lose me forever. While this is flattering and keeps me here... it hurts me because I give him all of me. I feel stuck. If I stay, I have the opportunity of growing more feelings and attachment to him (which happens every minute I spend with him) and the chance that it might work, or down the line he will say he's not ready and I'll be even more hurt because my feelings are deeper... if I leave, I feel like I'm giving up on someone I really could see a future with... and I'll be sad and hurt for the time being.

I know there's nothing I can do to help the situation... we get along perfectly and communicate how I always wanted to be able to with a man. He assures me daily that he really likes me and wants to keep seeing me... but just take it slow because he's scared. While I try to put a break on my emotions... it's so difficult. When I'm with him I'm so happy and feel my heart falling deeper and deeper... what if I get hurt in this process.

Any advice on what actions to take? I know I need to do what's best for me... but I don't know what is best for me. I am an extremely emotional person... if I walk away now I'll be hurt and if I stay I hurt knowing he doesn't know for sure what he wants... I feel insecure. Do I go the safe way out and leave for my own security? Or do I take a chance on it and have faith that in time our happiness together will shine over all his fear and anxiety of a new commitment?

Any advice/help/thoughts are much appreciated. Thanks

[amicon]

A month of dating is far too soon to start even thinking about commitment-what happened to slowly getting to know a person and see how it goes?

It seems he's having serious doubts very early on so, me ,I would leave him to it and move on.

[liz28]

Yes, a month is too short to even be considering a commitment. The two you should be having fun and having fun getting to know each other. The two of you have had bad marriages and this is a bond between the two of you. Even though the two of you are attractive to one one another and have great chemistry>>>I think that is great but that us part if dating. Don't get too caught up in this guy as of yet and make sure you listen to what he isn't saying indirectly.

I wouldn't put all my eggs in one basket as of yet. And the fun part about dating is there are no commitments. So you can date other people because you never know.

[talaniman]

Keep a safe emotional distance because giving you heart to a stranger after only a month is CRAZY. You really could stand to stay balanced and not make him a major part of your time and efforts. Set some boundaries as to how much you are available to him, if you feel carried away by those intense feelings, and know the more reluctant he is, the more carried away YOU will be, by your own feelings.

People want what they can't have for some reason, and when he backs up, you get excited don't you. He backs up, you back up. Stay balanced, be patient, and pay attention, you are expecting too much, to fast.