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Cressica · Jul 30, 2011, 11:05 AM

Well two months ago, his grandma fell ill and he went back to Vietnam so he can see her before she passes. Before he left, we were so happy. While he was there he texted me saying "I miss you so f***** much", he would always try to find time to text me. Because I was upset I wasn't able to talk to him much, I bought a phone card. I called him and we talked but for only 2 min. I was really upset because I found out I wasn't graduating on time, so I just really wanted support.

Then after that, I texted him saying "why dont you ever wanna talk to me, I've been trying to make an effort to talk to you at least once. When you come back, expect my feelings to change". Of course I was angry and said that because I was mad. The day he came back was normal. I called him and went to his house after school because he really wanted me to. I came and of course I understand that he wanted to sleep. But the annoying girlfriend that I am, I decided to keep trying to wake him up, but eventually left him alone. I started crying again that day because I was stressed because of school and told him, and he gave me support.

Then after that, the next few days went downhill, because he dropped out, and doesn't have his diploma. I talked to my guidance counselor to help me get options to help him get it. He works full time but doesn't get a lot because he doesn't have a license. I talked to him and told him "how are we gonna survive in the future with 11$/h?" stuff like that but I eventually stopped and did whatever and let him sleep. Then I called him at night and talked to him again, and he didn't want to talk about it, but I kept trying to. Eventually I gave up.

Then during the past 3 weeks he became distant from me. Not wanting to cuddle, hold hands or do anything. He just move away from me all the time. Eventually he stopped picking up his phone at night . Sometimes he'd pick up when I called or texted. Then I got fed up and asked what his problem was. I asked him if I was doing something wrong and what he wanted in the relationship, and he said nothing, I just want to be alone. The next day I text him telling him stuff like "I'm fed up of you treating me this way, ever since you went there and came back you changed blah bla, I wanna break up" stuff like that.

Of course I didn't mean it so, I called him, and told him it was a mistake, and he said he didn't give a **** about what I said. Then I asked him if were still together, or not and he said he will call me back. He didn't so I told him I would call him in the morning. I called him and asked if he still loved me, and he said honestly no. I kept crying an crying saying its not fair.

Then he hung up and I called back, and if he didn't care he wouldn't have picked up and he would've turned off his phone. He didn't. He answered and I told him how I felt and he said he would think about it. For the past 2 days I've been texting him, and calling him, but no answer. So yesterday I decided to leave it, and wait until Sunday. I haven't texted him since Wednesday night. Now I'm really scared because tomorrow is Sunday.

I don't want him to leave, and I need help desperately. Anything would do please help me...

I know I shouldn't contact him, but he's the type where if he breaks up with a girl, he doesn't go back with them. I will keep trying especially because if he didn't care, he would have turned off his cell phone right then, and there, or not pick up the second time I called. How can I win him back tomorrow?

Edited/T

talaniman · Jul 30, 2011, 12:13 PM

Don't be desperate, or eager, both very unattractive, and degrading. Instead stay cool, calm, and collected, and for once let him make up his own mind, and at least miss you and wonder about you.

He knows how you feel, so let him decide how HE feels. Only if he comes to you, and at least talk should you do anything. So relax, and give this a lot more thought, and keep your own dignity and self respect, while he decides about what he wants from his ever annoying nagging girlfriend.

Cressica · Jul 30, 2011, 01:07 PM

Thanks for replying !

I know that I shouldn't be desperate! Ever since we tlked I have tried to contact him several days for two days I'm not going to lie about that but after Wednesday night, I stopped. I haven't called/texted since. Like I mentioned I am planning to go there tmrw so we can talk. The reason is that he has this personality that if he breaks up with someone, he never gets back together with them. But I feel like we've been on and off I wouldn't say a lot, but several times, this is just a phase at least I hope it is. And plus for both of us, this is the first time he's dated someone for so long, vice versa. So I understand that I should give him space. But I don't want to wait forever especially because I still want to be with him, so what should I say/do tmrw?

talaniman · Jul 30, 2011, 02:55 PM

Thanks for the on and off info. That may be the problem, maybe he is tired of being dumped every time you get mad.

What's different this time from the other times?

liz28 · Jul 30, 2011, 03:03 PM

I going say something and you might it. Your boyfriend went him to visit his grandma because she ill. So more than likely, she was really sick. Then your boyfriend returned home and you stated he changed. Did you ever think is was because if his grandmother illness? Did you ever stop to ask it think what he was going through? It seems like you just wanted him to support you in what you were going through but you failed him.

Everybody cope with things differently. So here this guy is dealing with his grandmother illness them he have you in his ear saying things that of course hurt because your saying things out of anger instead of really thinking about what your saying. That isn't right at all! You need to learn how to calm yourself down and really learn how you use your words.

Now you are where you are now. Of course, you feel guilty and wish you didn't say what you did but you can't undo what is done. I hope your boyfriend is all right and at this point it is a " who knows what could happen" situation. So now it is all up to your boyfriend if he wants or ever will talk to you again but at this point could you blame him?

Cressica · Jul 30, 2011, 08:34 PM

@talaniman: before usually I would break it off with him because of insecurity issues (jealous of him looking at other girls) but now I really don't care. Usually during that time I would always apologize to him and we'd be fine again, sometimes stronger. We haven't argued about the issus in a LONG time though so it can't be that.

@liz28: yeah I totally understand that he is coping with death. That is why I tried to wait until he was ready to open up with me about how he felt. I know what its like to loose a grandparent an I didn't want him to talk about it so soon :/ I still am waiting for him to talk to me about it :/ the only reason I began to use harmful words like that is because, I was so stressed from school (found out I'm not graduating on time) and all I wanted to do was talk to him about it. But I felt like every time I tried, all he wanted to was sleep.

What do I do now? :/

talaniman · Jul 30, 2011, 09:05 PM

You let the dust settle, and see what happens. Use this time to focus on what can make YOU better, and in better control over yourself. You really do need to do something about YOUR personal issues, and behavior.

I mean who wants a girlfriend that's a drama queen, and has no impulse control. Annoying gets old, as being dumped out of anger.

Do you know what a time out is? Take one.

Cressica · Jul 31, 2011, 05:16 AM

@talaniman yeah :/ I've been thinking about it. I do know that I can get annoying and I am trying to fix that. Well turns out I can't talk to him today about it because his family is going out somewhere. I really don't want him to leave me though :/ which is why I might go there next week (which would be our 2 years & 10 months). I am still doing the whole nc thing, but my only dilemma is he might forget :/ what should I do when I talk to him about it cause like he said, he would think about it

talaniman · Jul 31, 2011, 11:13 AM

I will say this again, find something to do with yourself until he does decide. Your zeal and fear of losing him will run him away for sure, if it has not already.

You don't seem to have patience, nor self control, and you need to find both. Sorry I cannot tell you what you want to hear, a quick fix to your problem, because your actions and thought are the problem, not whether he wants to, or is ready to try again.