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    locs's Avatar
    locs Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Jul 23, 2011, 07:36 PM
    Girlfriend can't get over the fact that she's not my first
    I have been dating my girlfriend for over 2 years now. But she can't get over the fact she is my 6th girlfriend this may sound childish but she always feels number 6. I was her first boyfriend, and feels insecure about herself. Its sweet that she wants me "all for herself" but this keeps destroying beautiful moments. How do I make her feel special? And how would she get over my 5 exes?

    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 39,354, Reputation: 5431
    Jobs & Parenting Expert
     
    #2

    Jul 23, 2011, 07:49 PM

    What would her being your first get her? A crown? A toaster? A new car?

    In other words, what difference does it make? And no, there's no way you can get her past this. You can't rewind the tape. This is work she has to do on her own.

    I'm guessing she's maybe 16 or 17?
    locs's Avatar
    locs Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    Jul 23, 2011, 07:55 PM
    Comment on Wondergirl's post
    She's 18 I'm 20
    Lyra123's Avatar
    Lyra123 Posts: 184, Reputation: 42
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    #4

    Jul 23, 2011, 08:37 PM

    I had a boyfriend who was like this. I was his first everything and he was my first nothing. He held it against me for the entire time we were together and that was only up until recently. That was over a year and a hallf of being criticized for my past. You can't make her get over it. SHe needs to do it herself.

    Is this causing stress for you? I'm sure it is. Tell her so, if she doesn't stop it will push you two apart.
    jessicaliza's Avatar
    jessicaliza Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #5

    Jul 24, 2011, 12:48 AM
    Tell her not to feel insecure. Yes she may be your 6th girlfriend, but that's just a number. Remind her you're with her because of who she is, not who your ex's were. You may have 5 ex girlfriends, you may have hundreds, but they are part of your PAST and nothing can change that. Live for the moment and remind her that she is your present, and hopefully your future!
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #6

    Jul 24, 2011, 01:01 PM

    How do I make her feel special? And how would she get over my 5 exes?
    You don't! This is something SHE must overcome and deal with. All you can do is be firm and tell her that she is turning you off with her insecurities, and unless she gets her issues under control, your patience will run out, and you are out of there.

    If your honesty cannot bring about the motivations for her to change, then your choices have narrowed to accepting her behavior, and letting it run amok and destroy your attraction to her, OR just leave, and find a healthier partner, who is more emotionally mature.

    Stop half stepping, and tell her how you really feel. If she can't deal with the truth, then look for #7.

    Sorry guy, either she works with you, or she don't
    UrbanElevenx's Avatar
    UrbanElevenx Posts: 9, Reputation: 1
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    #7

    Jul 24, 2011, 06:09 PM
    Cook her a lovely meal. Sorry my english is bad
    JhonnyDoeson's Avatar
    JhonnyDoeson Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #8

    Aug 3, 2011, 12:55 PM
    I personally don't understand how you have had 5 ex's in your life. Either you aren't a very serious individual and she feels slighted in the sense that she didn't get to "play the fields" before settling down the way you did, or you just suck at picking partners and this one will end up your 6th ex. The amount of women you have been with in such a short time is very concerning if your intentions WERE indeed serious in the past. She should feel resentment for you. Instead of acting like she's going overboard or blowing off her emotions you should tell her the ways she is different/better then the girls in your past. Tell how bad your last relationships were and how they hurt you (because if you were serious then the breakup DID hurt you) If you aren't that serious then tell her, break up with her, and stop playing with her emotions so you can go bang more loose chicks and catch an STD's.

    p.s. I joined this site JUST to give this answer to your question. People these days don't know what a real loving relationship is about, and it sickens me. My girlfriend use to have a boyfriend 2 years before she was with me, the reason they didn't stay together is because he was a jerk and it went sour. I hold no grudges because of that fact, and neither should your GF if you talk things over to her properly.

    Seriously man, 6? Were you a player or something?
    southamerica's Avatar
    southamerica Posts: 667, Reputation: 400
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    #9

    Aug 3, 2011, 01:40 PM

    JhonnyDoeson-While entitled to your opinion, I'm shocked that somewhere in this world there is a place where someone like you can exist.

    First of all, the OP in this thread didn't say anything about how serious his past relationships were, how physical he got with them, or anything. Just that they existed. He could be a virgin, and you assume he's infested with STD's and "banging loose chicks".

    Furthermore, if he DID have STD's, banged loose chicks, and had 50 exes, you have absolutely no right to judge him. He loves his girlfriend, wants her to feel secure and special to him because she IS special to him. What is in his past doesn't matter, AT ALL. As long as he's open and honest about his health and his past (which he is) - he's a good boyfriend.

    I would take a man with a crazy history (50 exes, whatever it don't bug me) who loved me and was respectful to others over a snobby and entitled guy like YOU any day.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
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    #10

    Aug 3, 2011, 02:05 PM

    At 20, I am surprised he has not had 10 or more girl friends,

    At least one in year of high school, one after he got out and so on. He did not say how serious each was, or that it was a sexual relationship, just that he had 5 other girl friends,

    This at 20 is nothing.

    The 18 year old is either way to sheltered ( why did she not date before 18 ?) or you live in a culture that is strict
    Lyra123's Avatar
    Lyra123 Posts: 184, Reputation: 42
    Junior Member
     
    #11

    Aug 3, 2011, 08:55 PM

    Really?

    I've had a few girlfriends, a few boyfriends. Does that make me promiscuous? No. Does that make me a player? No. Does it mean I am enjoying myself and the company of others? Yes. You don't have to marry the first person you date buddy. Dating is to make mistakes and have fun while you find that one person. More often than not, a person who does not experience "playing the field" grows resentful and ends up breaking off the committed relationship to experience it.
    redhed35's Avatar
    redhed35 Posts: 4,221, Reputation: 1910
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    #12

    Aug 3, 2011, 11:43 PM

    Just to add to the advice already given, why not do something together you have never done before, something fun, go to an outside concert, bungy jump,try a new food, at 18 and 20 there are a lot of first experiencess yet to come.

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