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UrbanElevenx · Jul 17, 2011, 07:26 PM

My girlfriend of 1.3 years told me that she is not sure if she still loves me anymore.

We have been fine our whole relationship, no fighting, no cheating it has been perfect. Today she told me that she is not sure if she loves me anymore. We were talking about it for about 4 hours, lots of crying. She says that she needs to think about it so I suggested that we had a break for a week. She told me that during the week she still wanted to text and ring me. While we were talking I asked her if she wanted to break up and she said that's the last thing she wanted, but then she told me that this could be the last time we were a couple. I spoke to her about 2 hours ago, she asked me to ring her and she told me she missed me. Its only been 1 day but I am so scared of losing her because I love her so much and I would do anything to keep us together. She tells me that she's not sure she loves me but then tells me she misses me and would do anything to make herself love me. She seems like she really does want to be together but I am not sure, we are alone this weekend do you think I should surprise her will something romantic?

Please I am so desperate for advice as I have never been in this situation before.

Thanks, Joe.

amicon · Jul 18, 2011, 02:22 AM

I see this as a break up.

Sadly,her feelings seem to have changed and all you can do is leave her to her 'break' or 'space'.

Go no contact-no calls no texts and carry on living your own life.

UrbanElevenx · Jul 18, 2011, 06:56 AM

But how is it a break up if she is still calling me and texting and telling me she misses me. She even told me she is looking forward to having the weekend together. I would do anything for this girl and I really don't want to break up with her.

Also she was crying and begging for us not to break up

ironhide262 · Jul 18, 2011, 08:06 AM

I agree with the other poster.. she's wants a breakup. She's trying to let you down easy and/or make it easier for herself.

If you're dead set on meeting her this weekend you should tell her that you're done waiting and that you're moving on to a happy life without her. Do just that... move on. If she wants to be with you, she will shake heaven and earth to do so and if not, then she was leaving anyway.

Never, for one second, should you waste your time waiting for someone who doesn't know what she wants or is simply making it easier for herself through the breakup. You have two choices... you can ride this crazy emotional roller coaster with her(which in my experience,just makes you sick) or man-up,throw the ball in her court and go live your life.

talaniman · Jul 18, 2011, 12:13 PM

You had fair warning her feelings have changed yet you let her make the terms for this break/break up. She isn't letting you down easy at all. She is making it easier for herself, as she is slowly weaning herself off you. This will go on until she tells you her feelings have indeed changed, and you get the "let just be friends" line. You have already been dumped guy, and should have told her to call when she makes up her mind, and let her come back without your influence.

Sorry guy, but I think your fear of losing her has made you forget your dignity, and self respect, and that's what dooms this relationship. When a female tells you her feelings have changed, and she is no longer sure about you, that's when you disappear, do your own thing, and give her plenty of space to be sure, ON HER OWN!

She will figure it out, and you don't have to be in limbo waiting for her to be sure. Let me know how her break works out for you. Hope I'm wrong, but I doubt it.

UrbanElevenx · Jul 18, 2011, 02:01 PM

Thank you and I respect your honestly not how much it hurts to read it. I have never been with someone I love so much which like you said is probably why I am letting her take her time, but when you see the girl you love crying at your feat begging you not to leave her and that she wants to work through it, how can I possibly not let her? I understand what you are saying and believe it is all true, she is more than likely trying to make it easier for herself, but that is not the girl I know. Feelings change and I understand that no matter how difficult it is but if I have a chance of us still being together of course I am going to take it. It just doesn't make sense when she tells me that she is unsure about us but then constantly tells me she misses me and is excited for our weekend alone.

talaniman · Jul 18, 2011, 02:09 PM

That's the way it is when she has nothing to fill the newly created gap of a break up.

UrbanElevenx · Jul 18, 2011, 02:10 PM

Thank you for your help and I really hope you are wrong, this girl has been in my life everday since we have been going out, do you think there is a chance that we have just become stale? And that she is bored of our relationship? Because if that's so then maybe we can work through it, I know its not likely but she told me that the last she wants is a break up. Doesn't that mean that she is up for giving it a go? Maybe its me because I admit while we have been together the last couple of weeks I have been neglecting her and not making our relationship exciting. She is most likely trying to let me down easy like you said but the way she told me with tears everywhere that she didn't want to break up? Maybe there is a chance? Or do you think she said that so during the week she can get used to us not being together and move on from our relationship? Thanks Joe.

UrbanElevenx · Jul 18, 2011, 02:11 PM

So, you are saying she wants to break up but is scared of being alone and not having someone there?

UrbanElevenx · Jul 18, 2011, 02:22 PM

But isn't that just giving up? She told me that the last thing she wants is a break up, surely that means she want so to try and work this out? Maybe the space may give her time to realise that does or doesn't want to be together but I don't see why I should give up so quickly.

talaniman · Jul 18, 2011, 02:23 PM

That's exactly what usually happens.

UrbanElevenx · Jul 18, 2011, 02:31 PM

I just don't want to give in so quickly, I completely appreciate your help and I know that break ups like this are immensely hard but maybe time and space is all she needs, I know it sounds like I am making excuses for myself but she has been having this private problem which has been bothering her for a while now, nothing to do with us. Do you think this may be having an affect on our relationship?

talaniman · Jul 18, 2011, 04:25 PM

Anything is possible. Break ups suck, no matter how many you have been through. My last one was as bad as the first, but I had learned what worked for me to get through it, and thrive, and survive. Keeping your dignity, and self respect, helps the regrets immensely.

UrbanElevenx · Jul 24, 2011, 06:00 PM

Hey, I am happy to report that me and my Girlfriend are fine and happy back together, it turns out that her parent might be getting a divorce and she was so upset and confused that she thought being on her own would be easier for her. After 2 days of our break, I had to go round to get my wallet and I expected her dad to answer the door but she did, she hugged me and asked to stop round my house that night. She apologized for everything she did and is 100% committed to our relationship. We are now just getting back into our relationship and back to how things were. Thanks so much for the help and being there when I needed someone to talk to. Thanks again, Joe