[jellyjojo]

Hello,

My girlfriend and I have been dating for nearly a year and she still has some major trust issues and I will admit I still have a very minor lying problem that I admitted to my girlfriend when we first started dating. Not exactly the best combo, but we wanted to date regardless. So as mentioned before I lie and wanted to change that, sometimes change does not come with perfection. I lied to my girlfriend that I don't watch porn and eventually just fessed up. It's not an obsession or anything along those lines, once every 2 weeks or so. So she was pretty upset over that and I adjusted and eliminated it along with the lying. So over the course over the next 3 months I stay honest leading up to this situation. Throughout the course of the next three months there are many of situations where I tell the truth and she still becomes insanely jealous. Example 1, while attending a sporting even I am standing against a rail to watch a favorite mlb player perform. I stated I don't want to move cause I just want to watch this player with this being my first chance to see them live. So while viewing my girlfriend gets a headache and moves off to the side and I stay in my spot for a little bit by myself before I asked her if she would be OK and returned to my viewing area to watch the game. While doing so a girl next to me starts asking me about a few items related to the game and I responded for a few minutes, made her laugh(im a goofball and love to make people laugh), but ended it there cause I didn't want to let this girl get the wrong idea. My girlfriend flipped on the spot. Terrorized me the whole game telling me to watch the game with my new girlfriend and other various comment similar to those. A fight ensues, but I get over it telling her to get better at jealousy and trusting me. Next week, on a day off I stop by a local pub with whom I am pretty familiar with the employees, after asking about a specific drink they give me one for free to try and I buy a 6 pack which my girlfriend realizes the next day and asks where I got it from. I told her where and that the bartender gave me a free drink. Once again, the jealousy/trust comes into play again and she flips. I once again stress to her that she really needs to try harder at improving. So come to this week, my ex girlfriend of 7 years who has a new boyfriend, new career, lives in separate areas(I can't drive), decides to contact me. My ex and I and her current boyfriend are all really involve with going to shows. So we shot a few messages over the course of 3 days talking about shows we have gone to and ones to go to in the future, not making plans with each other, but just giving reviews and talking of experiences we had so far this year and that's it. Now my girlfriend also has the habit of looking through my phone, so I kept the conversations deleted once home to avoid her from viewing them. She even questioned who I was texting one day as I was responding to a text from the ex and I lied. So the next morning she looks through the phone and sure enough the ex sent me a message I didn't see before my girlfriend did and needless to say, she flipped and now our relationship may be on the fritz. I admitted that I lied that I was talking to her which is the dumbest thing I could have done. I apologized out of my arse explaining it was a lapse and I felt compelled to lie in fear of her flipping out which also created more issues. I offered to show her my phone records to prove contact between the ex and I have been infrequent at best(did not speak for 6 months prior to this) She is once again attacking me in immature ways, but for the most part seems centered on the fact that I lied again and she can't trust me. I keep stressing that I am making great progress and that this was a hiccup, just like how she has had hiccups, but she seems pretty squared that our relationship is doomed with the issues both of us had. Can anyone offer any insight? Thank you very much ahead of time.

[Woodpecker4444]

Sounds to me like your girl is a bit immature and has major trust issues and mistrust leads to jealousy and jealousy can ruin a relationship.
I am friends with my exes and have been upfront with the girls I have dated that trust is very important to me and that we are going to have to trust one another or it won't work.
The problem here is you have lied to her so in a way she has the right to doubt you but just because you're talking to some random girl doesn't mean that she should start a fight over it and how can that be a pleasant relationship.
She needs to work on her trust/jealousy issues otherwise your relationship is doomed and to be honest with you do you even want to be in a relationship like that?
Sit down with her and have a conversation and tell her that unless you two trust one another and don't lie to one another it isn't going to work and give it a go with those standards in place.

[Bubble28]

This sounds quite familiar. Lol. I used to get very jealous and insacure about my relationship, I accused my fiancé of cheating and a lot more. I brought up past mistakes and such. It took him sitting me down and telling me how ilhe felt to set me straight. I used to be very insacure until I met my fiancé (Allen)
Maybe showing her your feelings and how it effects you when she starts the pointless fights will help them stop. But that has to come in a two way street. You have to prove to her that she has nothing to worry about and that you love her and only her. The lying needs to stop, I know it's hard to break habbits but it's for the best. You and her both.
This helped me lose my b*tchy-ness lol. I haven't felt jealous with my relationahip or insacure since he talked to me. He made me realise he loved me no madder what and that he loved everyone of my flaws. We are only human we all have flaws. If you can't handle eachothers flaws your relationship won't work.
This is long I hope somewhere in my rambling their was a little bit of help lol good luck best of wishes
~Erica