[citygirl01]

I have not meet her yet. Her father and I have been on a couple of dates but we talk daily. I will be meeting her soon. Just wondering if I should buy her a little gift for her when I do meet her for the first time?

[Wondergirl]

Since you have just met her dad, I'm a bit leery of his daughter being brought into the relationship this soon. She could become very attached to you and then, if you and he break up, you will disappear from her life. If he has partial custody, I would avoid being with him during those times he has charge of her; if he has full custody, you won't have any choice but to be with her too.

If you do meet her and buy her a gift, make it one you can play with her and that she can enjoy later with help or by herself. What came first to my mind was an assortment of stickers -- animals, people, cartoon characters -- that you can stick onto sheets of printer paper (first draw a "scene" -- hills, trees, smiling sun, interior of a house -- with crayons) and then make up a story together.

[J_9]

How long have you been dating him? My problem is that when men and women who have children and are dating, the child gets used to the new person when that person can be taken away at a whim when the couple splits up, that can be damaging to a young child of 3.

While my beliefs may not be mainstream, I believe that the child should not be introduced to the new person until and unless there is a commitment.

[southamerica]

I agree with Wondergirl, and I like the sticker idea, or a coloring book-etc.

Do be careful. I dated a man a couple years ago and he had a 3 year old son. The son got confused and called me "mama" in the store one day and this was less than a month into dating. The father and I never became committed and I hope that his son forgot about me quickly. If I were to date a father again, I would be much more careful and ask him to wait longer to introduce me to his child(ren).

[JudyKayTee]

I absoutely agree - I think it's a very bad idea to meet the children (and sometimes it's children of ANY age) until there is some sort of understanding or commitment. It's confusing and upsetting to the children.

I dated men with children and NEVER brought a gift to the first meeting. First meetings were always brief so the child knew who I was. I just never wanted the mother to think I was "buying" the child - I know a coloring book doesn't fall into that category UNLESS you are the ex-wife and worried about the new woman in your ex's life.

[Jake2008]

All very good points made.

For your own peace of mind, why not just say that you would rather wait until you meet his daughter- for her sake, not yours.

He may be anxious for you to meet his daughter, and have visions of a future with you included. But, the relationship is far too new to being in this little girl's life- just yet, in any way.

It is far better to wait, than to suffer the consequences, if the relationship with him doesn't work out, and you too, have become attached to her.

[artlady]

I think give all the advice you have, a small gift would be nice to break the ice! Good luck!