[LittleLadyRed]

Okay I will try and describe this as best as possible. I sometimes struggle.

I am incredibly terrible at making decisions. I drag it out for so long because I just cannot decide, at all, and this stupid flaw of mine is causing hell right now.

For the sakes of background information:
Me: 20 years old
Him: 30 years old
Long distance: I catch a train every weekend to see him then come back home to my parents.

Me and my boyfriend have been together now for 3 years and we've been in a long distance relationship since the beginning.
The relationship started getting shaky a couple of years ago. It started with silly little arguments and now things are really out of hand.
We argue over the most pathetic things, and I mean full on, raising your voice arguments. It's not a mere disagreement.

The sex has also diminished which is completely one sided from me. We used to have an active sex life until a few years ago my sex drive went poof. I don't know why, I just don't need or want sex any more. It has nothing to do with him, he is good in bed and I still find him attractive - my libido just decided to do a runner. I don't get turned on by anything any more. I cannot pin point why but this has caused another HUGE strain on our relationship. We argue just about every week over the lack of sex and affection. It really makes me feel terrible because my issue is causing great damage and affecting him greatly.
Amongst other issues, he can be very jealous and possessive which doesn't help a lot. Since we've started dating I have had to be careful with who I am friends with and who I talk with so to not upset him. He never realised how he affected me this way until I told him a few days ago. I have actually, told him about it a very long time ago but things didn't change very much.
For example, I was on the train, sitting down on my suitcase and a man stood next to me (my boyfriend was by the door of the train waiting for me to go). Absolutely harmless man, wasn't even that close to me and my boyfriend absolutely freaked. He kept texting me about the man, saying he was so close he should have just sat on my lap and so and so forth. Add on his horrid temper and the situation is 10x times worse. I, of course, thought it was ridiculous. The man was not even that close and didn't even acknowledge my presence.

We both have our flaws of course. I am very lazy and never help around the house when I do visit. He cooks for me and everything. The only thing I ever help with is the cleaning up of the house. I can never be on time for anything and I sometimes talk to him in a way he doesn't deserve but this depends on my mood. I have an unstable mood; sometimes I am high as a kite and sometimes damn right *****y. I also have an unhealthy obsession with the internet which I have had a hard letting go of. I go on the internet for my designated time of 1 hour and 30 minutes while visiting and that is my dose of internet otherwise I would go crazy. This is clearly a problem but not something that has had an impact on the relationship.

The big issue right now is university.
I am starting this September and it means I will be moving further away from him. Piling on top the problems we are experiencing right now, I decided to break up with him 2 days ago and we decided to stay friends. It was the most painful thing I have had to do because I told him it was for good. I had broken up with him 2 times previously but always regretted in the end and always came back. I told him 3 times is enough.
I was determined this was it, I was determined not to change my mind because being at university would make us crumble even more. But we could not avoid talking to each other and after talking I am having second thoughts on the matter... again.

I want to go there alone to gain the independence I don't have right now. I depend on everyone around me for support. My parents provide food and shelter and my boyfriend the same thing. I cannot fend for myself, I have never needed to because things have always been handed to me on a plate. The university is away from my family and him. So I told my boyfriend I didn't want him to follow me there as it was something I needed to do on my own. If he were to go, I would go back to my lazy ways and things would be ready and done for me once I got back home. It would also be unfair for him to move there away from his family. What if things really did not work out for good? Moving there would have been pointless and a waste of time.

I love him unconditionally, so much. I care for him, so much, and right now I am worrying of how he is coping. It was hard enough for me, I know he is suffering much more. He was my first everything and I will always have love for him.

Because of my indecisiveness I need input from another pair of eyes. I need a different view.

Is what I did the right thing?
Should I get back with him, try to work out the kinks in the relationship and try and make the even longer distance work?
Will being at university change me and my feelings towards him?
Should I stick with my decision, stay good friends, let time heal the wounds and take away the pain? Because it hurts so much right now.

[talaniman]

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...me-423704.html

Enough is enough. Hard to deal with your own flaws when you have to deal with the flaws of another. Especially at your age, and his.


I think you stop second guessing yourself, and follow through on the decision you have made for yourself.

Letting go of old things and taking on new responsibilities will help you grow into the person you want to be, and renew the strength within you. You can't move forward to better things unless you take the first step, and you have. Keep steppin'