[Worried_Mother]

I have a similar situation. My daughter is 20 years old and for the past 5 years, she has gotten into a lot of trouble. I had her seeing psychologists 5 to be exact, after 1 session she would quit. Her father has been in prison since 2003, and hasn't been involved in her life since 1998 when I left him because of all the drugs and trouble he was getting into and wanted to protect my daughter and son. When she turned 15, she didn't want to follow the rules at home anymore, didn't like my boyfriend at all and tried to break us up by accusing him of things that were not true. She started becoming premiscuios and lying to my BF and I all the time, she was sneaking out at night after we would go to bed, we caught her one night sneaking a boy into the house that she had met off the internet from myspace. AFter that happened, I made the mistake of calling DSS cause I didn't know what else to do. I had Social Services child protection in and out of my house making me look like we were the bad parents, but I coudlnt allow my daughter to continue putting us in danger by bringing stranges into our house. She ran away and was gone for several weeks, we found her, brought her back home and a week later she ran away again. This time she went to live with my brother thinking a different family member and school would help her. She met someone on the internet and ran away, she wasw gone for 3 weeks and we found her in Maryland. AFter that, she was sent to a locked facility for 8 weeks, when she got out, she was sent to a girls group home, she was there 3 days and ran away this time for 4 months. When we found her, she spent a week in juvinile detention and went back to a locked facility, when she turned 18, all probation stopped and I couldn't do anything else. She started dating AJ whom she has been with now for 2 years. He has a prior felony charnge from a stint when he was 18 and he is 26 years old now, he cannot find a good job and so he works minimum wage jobs and so does she, last sumemer her and AJ stole my mother jewelry and pawned it. She also took my sons WII and pawned that as well. My mother did not press charges against her because she didn't want her to go to jail. January of this year, she stole some perfume from Sears, she was caught on camera and was charged with theft. Misdemeanor charge, 2 years probation and court fines to pay back which I paid for her. Yesterday my mother informed me that her and AJ were being watched by Walmart for stealing things. I called my daughter and told her and asked her what in the hell was going on, why is she doing this, As long as she is with AJ, she is going to continue stealing and lying and she will eventually end up in prison. I feel that she needs an intervention, and to be sent to a retreat somewhere where she can receive counseling and be able to find herself again without AJ in her life. She has always liked the boys that seem to have no one in their life and she feels she can change them, but it doesn't work, they have a very volitile relationship, on 2 occasions I got a call from her in the past year where I had to pick her up cause they were fighting, one of the calls he hit her and I came unglued after seeing his handprint on her face. I don't know what to do, she is 20 years old and if I don't help my daughter, she will end up in prison one day just like her father.

[tmtrotminor]

Sadly, being that she's 20, she is an adult and has to make her own decisions. But at the same time, you aren't held accountable, she is. You can sit down and have a heart to heart, and intervention might also help, but if she doesn't accept your help or have the will to change, the healthiest thing you can do for you is to stop communicating.

Ironically, I have a very similar situation, but with my mother. She has been on meth (along with any other drugs you can think of) for the past 30 years or so, including the time she was pregnant with me and my little brother. She's even offered me drugs as a child, and I gave her the lecture! My dads parents took me in when I went to High school, and she came to see my brother and I only a couple of times, in which she was horribly wasted and was asked to leave. I hoped so many times she would change for my brother and I if she loved us. But she's still in the same hole. She's been offered help from her sister, her aunt, her grandmother and you know what happens? She takes their help by "moving in" and stealing things and leaving. She used to call me on the phone, high and wasted, talking 500mph, and it would just reopen an unhealing wound. So I made a decision that I would refuse to see or speak to her until she got clean. I made this choice at age 18 when I moved out of my grandparents house. And you know what, I don't hurt anymore. I think about her sometimes, but there isn't a huge ball of pain anymore. Just the happy feeling of being with my husband and the wonderful family around me that I can enjoy.

Being that this is your daughter, it hurts in a different way, but, regardless, you still have to make a choice, are you willing to put yourself in harms way, in every way, to the point where you could be stolen from, taken advantage of, physically hurt, and/or have your health suffer from the sheer stress of it all. Or can you get past this, and enjoy your life, and deciding to be at peace with the fact that it's all her choice?