[wanderinghearts]

I have been married for 14 years, and have two girls 5 and 7. My husband and I adopted them, after I basically pushed him into it. He has since come to love the girls with all his heart, and is a great dad. However, he's been a lousy husband for years. He ignores me, yells at me, and seems bummed out quite often. It's a kind of seasonal depression that's worse in the winter.
I've been feeling lost and lonely for a long time. On one hand, I'm so glad we adopted out girls, and I have a great job in education. On the other hand, no matter how hard I tried, I could not get him to be nice to me, consider my needs, and really try to be my friend... Until something happened.
I kind of broke inside. I decided I couldn't live like this. I contacted a very dear friend, and ex boyfriend who's fun, sexy, and single. I've been having a long-distance "virtual" affair. It's helped me wake up to emotions I buried, and I really felt I needed to leave my husband, and work on a functional co-parenting relationship.
When I told him this 4 months ago, he was much, much more upset than I thought he would be. He said he realized he's been a jerk, and he's try to change. He's been a new guy for me. He's nice, sexually interested, and helps around the house more. I'm a skeptic, and can't be sure this new guy is here to stay, but I also want to believe.
I'm at the crossroads. I have a new apartment, and I can move in 2 weeks, or I can back out. I'll have to wait another 6-12 months before I could move out if I back out now.
I'm most concerned about our girls well-being and sense of stability. I don't want to hurt my husband. I still want to leave, though. I don't think my ex is going to be a new boyfriend, but he might. Not sure, doesn't matter. I really don't want to look back and regret my choice.
So objective strangers, what do you think? Should I stay to avoid hurting my loved ones?

[jessi72]

Honey I would normally say you shouldn't stay with someone you know you have no feelings for whatsoever. It's a major lie at your expense and his. It can work out for a while, but you''ll get more miserable with time and depressed, upsetting your little girls a lot more than you'd think. Relationships that don't work are far more dangerous and conflicting than divorce. Bits of opinion, though.

[J_9]

Has your husband considered antidepressants?

[talaniman]

Since you have his attention, and he wants to change, why not give it a try since the stakes are so high. This time get some help to resolve your problems, and start with a check up, as the root of his behavior could be as simple as talking to a doctor.