[CherryMuffin]

We have been together for 4 years... and at first this was not a problem. It didn't bother me so much. But over time it made me feel like crap. I am 5 feet 10 inches tall and have 129.8 pounds. I work out a few times a week but he still doesn't like my body. He keeps making jokes about the fat I have, he keeps telling me I should work out more for him, he keeps measuring my fat. A few times he even got very mad because I didn't have time to work out for a while.But I am kind of lazy sometimes. I have a low self esteem and he only makes it worse. Even when I work out he still finds something that he doesn't like.I talked to him about this a few times but it didn't make any difference. Maybe if he would tell me sometimes that I look good or have a nice dress it would help.But he never does that. What should I do? I love him but this is a serious problem for me.

[adviceishere]

You dump his A$$!! He is a control freak and by the sounds of it you have a good weight for your height. This is not going to get better, he will get worse, its not about your weight, its about him wanting to control you and you're letting him.

This is a toxic relationship and you have to get out of it. He won't change. Trust me!

[Jake2008]

I presume your body is just fine when he's horny.

This isn't about your body, this is about him picking away at you, knowing what buttons to push, and enjoying the aftermath of seeing you feel and behave as though something is wrong with YOU.

He has your own self confidence, self esteem, and sense of self, all tied to his approval. He could easily pick any number of things, once he has you believing that you somehow have 'faults' that only he can judge and approve or disprove of. If you were to suddenly tell him to go to hell, and begin criticizing HIS body, he would only find another way to control you emotionally- the way you walk, the way you cook, dress, apply makeup, clean the house, etc. It becomes like swatting flies, you no sooner squash one controlling behaviour, and a bunch more pop up.

What generally drives a man to control a woman (or woman controlling a man), is to diminish their sense of self worth, to a point where they are dependent upon their mate, for a stamp of approval. Without that continuous need to please, a sense of self eventually disappears, and who you feel you are, is dependent upon what another decides it should be.

Please think about the bigger picture here, and what type of man he truly is. Imagine a life with such a man, who can control you with words, and think about the fact that he is just as determined to control you, as you are to please him. That creates a very unhealthy, unbalanced, and unequal relationship, where only one person's needs are met- his.

Going tit for tat with him will only escalate his need to control. You could fight back, stand up for yourself, attack his personality, undermine his sense of confidence, etc. but I guarantee you, you will not win, and any minor victories will be short lived. All you would be teaching him, is to try harder, and it would be a very unnatural behaviour from you.

You cannot change him. The only person who can change is you, and it has nothing to do with losing a few pounds.

[CherryMuffin]

Thank you. I never saw things from this point of view... I never understood. I think I never wanted to understand that he would do that to me, because I love him, I emotionally depend of him and he makes me feel that something is wrong with me. He controls me and I am desperate for his approval. How could I not see this before? He was always so perfect in my eyes. I guess love really does make you blind. I am not sure what I am going to do but this is not what a relationship is supposed to be like, this is not what I want.

[adviceishere]

I am really happy you see him for what he is. This is very positive! Get rid of him! I know its easier said than done and you may be sad for a while but the sooner you do it, the sooner you can be happy again.

[mulattomama]

Definitely get out of this relationship. He is controlling and probably very insecure himself and that is why he is trying to bring you down. Don't allow anyone to deliberately make you feel bad about yourself. People who love us should be lifting us up, not slamming us down.

[Lilymoonstorm]

It sounds to me like this guy is very insecure. He feels so badly about himself that he wants to make you feel the way he does about himself. I don't think this issue has anything to do with your body. I think he is an abusive control freak.