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thesilverbu11et · Jun 10, 2011, 08:47 AM

Sooo I'm 22, same for the girl. I went on a cruise over memorial day weekend. Met her the first night, exchanged names, just the basics. Saw her up on the top deck the 2nd day, hung out with her talked some, relaxed. That night, saw her at the "club" on the boat, we danced, kissed, held hands, etc etc. Really seemed to hit it off well. By the third night, repeat, except she came back to my cabin and stayed with me, and we fooled around a bit, but didn't go all the way. Tried to hold back some because I wanted to be respectful, cause she actually was a very sweet, gorgeous girl who seemed to have her stuff together. She stayed with me the remaining three nights as well, instead of her 4 other friends who she came on the trip with, as a graduation present. My friend that was even with me, said that she was like "Does he want me to come back and stay tonight? What's he said about me? " etc etc.. so at that point I assumed she was at least remotely interested. The final morning, she gave me her number, kissed goodbye, and left it at that. Btw, she lives an hour from me as it is, and next month (end of July) is moving to my current city to attend graduate school, so she's deffinitely not out of reach.

Now, that we've been home from May 30th to, well.. today, June 10.. I texted her about.. 4 days probably. So about every 2-3 days I guess--nothing too harassive or coming off as obsessive. She only initiated once though. She has always been short, but responsive. Maybe the only girl in the world who doesn't like talking on the phone it seems. I finally called her for the first time 2 nights ago, left her a voicemail saying how I had a great time with her those last few nights, I really would like to see her again, and gave her the idea of dinner, and go to a concert in 2 weeks. She claims to have gotten out of a bad relationship where her guy cheated after 3 years. So I don't think she has a boyfriend, but you never know I guess. Either way, No call back , text back, or nothing as of yet. I just got out of a 6 year relationship myself, and it's the first girl I've had the initiative to go after for a while--So I don't want to just toss in the towel, but should I drop this chick?

I wish · Jun 10, 2011, 08:53 AM

She wanted to fool around and you want something more serious.

Let's see if she actually moves to your city. When she does, maybe you guys can hang out.

Unfortunately, it seemed like a fun vacation together, but now back to reality.

thesilverbu11et · Jun 10, 2011, 09:02 AM

Pretty good insight. Usually it's the other way around you know? Hah the guys want just to fool around, and the girls want something serious. But I was just curious, so figured I'd get some second opinions. If I was just a, perhaps "cruise fling" I'd rather her just come out and say that, as opposed to going sketch on me--deffinitely had more devastating news in my lifetime. Thanks though !

I wish · Jun 10, 2011, 09:11 AM

Who really knows what she's really thinking. If she tells you that it was a cruise fling, then you'd be inclined to ignore her and she loses you. But at the same time, she doesn't want to have anything serious with you, so she made that part clear.

By leaving you in limbo, you won't give up on her so easily. She may not be doing anything wrong, but she's definitely not looking for anything as serious as you would like, so it would feel like she lead you on.

But anytime you kiss and fool around before officially becoming a couple, it's most likely a friends with benefits arrangement. No strings attached.

thesilverbu11et · Jun 10, 2011, 09:25 AM

Yeah, you really have some valid points. Like I said I got out of a 6 year relationship just a few months ago, and that's NOT like me at all to rush into something like that, like you said, the kissing etc. before becoming a couple. Buuuuut, (no excuse) but what can I say.. who doesn't like to drink on a cruise, haha. For all I know, she still might be messing with her ex-bf back at home, living up her final month before she moves here for school. She might not be interested like that. Just found it rather odd one week she's all about me, next week it's time to go cold. I've always had girls either be like "Ohh, I like you!" and bug me, or just be straight forward and say "I enjoy hanging out with you, but I don't ever see it progressing." But who knows. For now, I'll just let it be, I might wait a solid week or two before I even think about contacting her again. Thanks again for the help !

talaniman · Jun 11, 2011, 09:33 AM

You had a fun cruise vacation, and even had some nice company. Don't over read this and get to wondering what else can be had, that's where mixed signals are received. You are both strangers who met, and shared some time and now the vacation is over, and you get back to the reality you came from, and keep good memories.

No telling what happens in the future, but single guys and girls keep ALL their options and opportunities open, just in case later, things might get to sparking.

For now keep your cool, and keep it casual, and pursue other options so you don't get stuck on one that's so iffy, at this time.

thesilverbu11et · Jun 11, 2011, 04:17 PM

I talked to her some today and she straight up said, "I really haven't been avoiding you. I'll admit I'm not good at getting back with people, no matter who it is. and I'm not the easiest girl to try to talk to. I guess you could say I'm a challenge" so I guess that's a little insight on that. Never had a girl openly say that before..

In other words, is that her way of keeping her guard high, and not just letting any guy chase after her who just sees her as a booty call? Or a nonchalant way of saying, "no thanks, I'm not interested." in you seriously like that. Just curious what you all think.

Thanks though you! Just take it slow and see where it goes from here.. you're right.. no need to focus/worry too much on it until she at least moves here. For now, just enjoy myself.

Edited after merge.

I wish · Jun 12, 2011, 05:45 PM

Yep, as long as she keeps responding, there's no reason to stop, unless she tells you to stop or flat out ignores you. But it will get easier if she moved to your city. So just stay in touch if you can, but don't get too carried away or annoyed if she doesn't respond really slowly, she explained herself, so accept her explanation.

Let us know how things go!

talaniman · Jun 12, 2011, 07:30 PM

What do you expect this girl to do? Talk for hours or something and let you into her life. She has baggage from a previously failedd relationship, and though she had fun, what makes you think she is going to let a vacation fling get to deep in her life.

Stop chasing so hard, worrying, and wondering what's behind her every action, and non action, and keep your life balanced with other things, as you are starting to question everything, and that's a sign you may be overthinking things, and getting carried away.

She is back to her life, vacation is over, and she has her own reality to deal with, and so do you. You can't expect her to be the care free, fun girl she was before. Not to a guy who is a stranger. Fun while it lasted, but don't try so hard now. Of course her interest is not as keen now as before, she ain't on vacation no more.

Take a step back, breath, and relax.

thesilverbu11et · Jun 12, 2011, 07:51 PM

Ah yeah, you are right. To be honest, there's a slight reason behind my, eh, overanalyzing and rushing to get something started. Me and my girl of 6 1/2 years broke up just a little over a month ago, after I had her a ring and all. Basically, she had been "talking" to this other guy for months behind my back, and right before we ended things because she wanted to "do her own thing", she starting sleeping with him. As bad as it sounds, she's moved on and with someone , so the quicker I do the same, the better off I'll be. I know that's not quite the case though. This really helped me a lot though--I really will just take it casually, as like you pointed out, a vacation will bring out the different, more outgoing.. attitude of someone at times. Just take it slow, don't overthink it. Thanks again !

talaniman · Jun 12, 2011, 08:05 PM

If I were you, I would be having a grand time being single with as many friends as I could make, females included, but get hung up on none, I mean none.

It will be a while before you will even know how to date again. That's fine, who needs another relationship when you can explore ALL the options you have missed over the past 6 years.

When you are happy with the life you have built, then you are ready for anything. To be honest, you did sound desperate for a minute.

thesilverbu11et · Jun 12, 2011, 08:18 PM

I know my recent break up doesn't completely validate it, but without sharing that previously, I guess I probably did sort of sound like a nut over a girl I've known only for a few weeks haha. But yeah, like I said, to know the girl you thought you were going to marry is out there roaming around, being intimate with some other guy, sucks to put it lightly. But I can gladly say I don't just sit at home all day depressed and revolving around it. Her loss. Regardless, I was thinking I needed to find someone asap and distance myself from it, but just jumping into things headfirst is never good. Appreciate all the insight, I really do. My best bet would really probably be to explore my options that I HAVE missed out on, for all of college, and over the past several years, as you said. And then, go with what comes natural when the time comes.

I wish · Jun 13, 2011, 08:37 AM

That's what we call a rebound. The void left by our exes can be very deep and we just want to fill it with anything as soon as possible.

The first thing we want to fill it with tends to be another significant other. But with time, we realize that we can fill it with many other things and not just another person. We can fill it with hobbies, friends, family, work, etc.

Then at some point the void will be full and we'll be ready to do something else. Instead of worrying about that empty void, we actually go discover something or something entirely different outside this zone.

Just give yourself more time to digest everything. It will get easier with time.

talaniman · Jun 13, 2011, 09:27 AM

Its like going to the grocery store, and you haven't eaten in a few days. Everything will look good to you. You just got to have that bag of chips, when what you NEED is a nutritious meal.

Talaniman Rule - When stop looking for love, and build a life that you enjoy, with friends and activities that make you happy, you will attract those that want to share that happiness with you.

If you need someone else to bring you happiness, you will find yourself in deep doo-doo, and will fall for anything that looks good. The lesson is don't go to the grocery store hungry, so you can get what you NEED, not just what you want, right now. Dating is similar after a break up, when you try to replace one person for another, and instead of getting a nutritious meal, you settle for donuts, works for now, but after you have eaten them, all you have is a belly full of fat and sugar, and a gut, but no strength, or energy for the body.

Relax, be single and have fun, and choose your next "female friend" carefully. Take your own sweet time, because you want one that's healthy enough to sustain with, not just get through the night. Recognize and explore ALL your options, not just the ones you run into.