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nevada22 · Jun 9, 2011, 03:00 PM

I'm 16 and my boyfriend is 18, we have been dating for a little over a year and we are discussing having sex. He loves me and I love him we get along perfectly and are the perfect match, everyone says so. We have made plans for the future and are both smart straight A students. I know how to be safe and careful but what advice or other things should I know?

J_9 · Jun 9, 2011, 03:24 PM

You should know that there is no method of birth control that is 100% effective and every time you have sex you risk pregnancy.

nevada22 · Jun 9, 2011, 03:37 PM

Originally Posted by J_9

You should know that there is no method of birth control that is 100% effective and each and every time you have sex you risk pregnancy.

Thank you I would be using the pill and a condom but is durex the best brand that you would suggest?

J_9 · Jun 9, 2011, 03:41 PM

Honestly? I would suggest not having sex until you are prepared to be a mother. Babies are very expensive.

I am a mother of 4. Two of those children were conceived while using the pill AND a condom. We also have a member here who got pregnant using THREE methods of birth control.

nevada22 · Jun 9, 2011, 03:44 PM

Okay thank you for your answer I'm still debating but that is extremely helpful. Any other answers from others regarding emotions or the future would also be beneficial, thank you.

Synnen · Jun 9, 2011, 04:07 PM

I would recommend waiting.

I'm the member that got pregnant using the pill, a condom, and spermicide---all correctly. I was also a straight A student. I'd been dating my boyfriend for 2 years when I got pregnant, and it was the second time I had sex.

In many states, it's a criminal offense for your boyfriend to have ANY sexual contact with you. Does he love you enough to be labeled a sexual predator for the rest of his life?

WAIT. There's absolutely no reason to rush into it besides your hormones. If you truly love each other, you can find other ways to enjoy each other without having sex.

I know you don't want to hear this part, but I have to say it anyway: You are not the person you will be in even 3 short years. BOTH of you will (and SHOULD! ) change. Life takes many twists and turns you can't expect--including whether you'll still feel the same in 3 years.

Frankly, I loved my boyfriend completely. Getting pregnant, however, made us BOTH look at each other and the future in a different way---and it was a bitter, horrible breakup. To this day, he is the only boyfriend that I am not on at least speaking terms with. Yeah yeah--that couldn't happen to you. You LOVE each other. Well, so did we. So did nearly every couple whose marriage ended in divorce.

Don't have sex. Neither of you really want to be parents, and I wouldn't wish the choice of adoption, abortion, or parenting on my worst enemy.

ScottGem · Jun 9, 2011, 04:18 PM

No one should engage in sexual intercourse until and unless they are financially, emotionally and physically ready to have a child.

You claim you are both smart. So why are you risking ruining your life?

nevada22 · Jun 9, 2011, 04:40 PM

This is very helpful I already knew all of this though but the chances are extremely low between and condom and the pill so your cases are rare and I understand the same could happen to me. Any other advice from others is helpful too though. Thanks

Synnen · Jun 9, 2011, 04:47 PM

I "understood" that the chances were low, too.

Didn't help me one bit.

What kind of advice are you looking for here? You're not going to get anyone telling you to do it--we've all been there, and I know absolutely NO ONE who had sex as a teen that doesn't wish they'd waited.

So... what are you hoping to hear?

Alty · Jun 9, 2011, 04:47 PM

Originally Posted by nevada22

This is very helpful I already knew all of this though but the chances are extremely low between and condom and the pill so your cases are rare and I understand the same could happen to me. Any other advice from others is helpful too though. Thanks

Actually, their cases aren't rare at all. I know more people that got pregnant while on birth control then I do people that were actually trying for a baby.

If you think these cases are rare, look in the pregnancy forum on this site. They're not rare at all.

Bottom line, if you're not ready to be a mother, don't have sex. Every time you have sex, even if you have only one ovary, PCOD, are on the pill, use a condom, and have been told by your doctor that you'll never conceive, you may still get pregnant. A friend of mine did and was told all of the above. She now has 3 children, all conceived against all odds. She finally ended up having a tubal ligation and her husband had a vasectomy. Guess what? She's pregnant again, 2 years after all her operation and her hubbies.

If you think it can't or won't happen to you, you're dreaming.

nevada22 · Jun 9, 2011, 04:51 PM

I know if you still do all things it can happen, I will probably talk to my doctor also when I see her Tuesday. Thank you

nevada22 · Jun 9, 2011, 04:53 PM

I know a few people who had sex as a teen and do not regret what they did, I guess I want a larger range of responses. Thanks

Alty · Jun 9, 2011, 04:55 PM

Originally Posted by nevada22

I know if you still do all things it can happen, I will probably talk to my doctor also when I see her Tuesday. Thank you

Go ahead, talk to your doctor. That's what my friend did. Her doctor and 2 others said she'd never conceive. They said it was 99.9%. Well, she's having baby number 4 now. I just found out today. So, 3 kids with only one ovary, PCOD, on the pill and using a condom. Baby number four was conceived with one ovary, PCOD, a tubal ligation, and a vasectomy.

What did the doctors say? Well, they said "oops".

ScottGem · Jun 9, 2011, 05:00 PM

Lets say it is a rarity. Is it worth the risk? Do you want to be saddled with a child before you have had a chance to live life? Do you have any clue what a child will do to your life? Does your boyfriend plan to go to college? Do you?

ScottGem · Jun 9, 2011, 05:03 PM

Originally Posted by nevada22

I know a few people who had sex as a teen and do not regret what they did, I guess I want a larger range of responses. Thanks

Then you need to browse the forums here. You will find dozens, maybe hundreds of posts from young girls who DO regret having sex and, more importantly, getting pregnant.

Wondergirl · Jun 9, 2011, 05:04 PM

Originally Posted by nevada22

I know a few people who had sex as a teen and do not regret what they did, I guess I want a larger range of responses.

You want an adult to tell you it's okay. Right?

I'll add my voice to the others. Don't do it. Wait. Like someone said, the next three years will be full of changes. Who you are now is not anyone close to who you will be in three years. Also, I was a virgin on my wedding night (was nearly 22) and don't regret it.

Alty · Jun 9, 2011, 05:18 PM

Originally Posted by nevada22

I know a few people who had sex as a teen and do not regret what they did, I guess I want a larger range of responses. Thanks

So you want posts from teens?

Well, I was a teen, and I did have sex. I got lucky. Most of my friends didn't. In my graduating class alone (and I went to a Catholic school) four of my friends graduated pregnant. Many more became pregnant shortly after high school. Only one of them is still married today, and she's not the norm by any means. Most of them got married and divorced within a year, saddled with a child, on welfare, barely living.

Some of them chose not to marry. Their babies fathers did what all teens want to do. They partied, didn't pay child support, left the teen mother with a lot of responsibility and a lot of expenses. Most of them are still on welfare to this day, 20 plus years later.

The fact is, if you have sex, pregnancy is possible. Being smart has nothing to do with it. Being prepared has nothing to do with it. You can be smart about everything, use every form of birth control available today, and you can still get pregnant.

Are you willing to take that risk? Are you ready to be a mom? If you're not, then the only way to insure you won't get pregnant is to abstain from sex until you're ready to be a mom.

nevada22 · Jun 9, 2011, 06:01 PM

Okay thanks for your comments I appreciate hearing your opinions.

Alty · Jun 9, 2011, 06:21 PM

Originally Posted by nevada22

Okay thanks for your comments I appreciate hearing your opinions.

In other words, you'll do what you want, because you're 16 and you know everything.

When you get pregnant, don't say we didn't warn you.

nevada22 · Jun 9, 2011, 06:26 PM

Woah, I feel like you are trying to put up a fight or argue with me, I'm 16 so I really don't know much honestly I just want to hear all opinions and options, I feel that is the most logical way to handle the situation. I appreciate your side.