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mistsofusa · Jun 8, 2011, 11:05 AM

Help? I don't know how to deal with this. My parents came to stay with us for a few weeks and will be here for another month. In the meantime, my husband and me found out we were pregnant and I have of course started putting on weight in places you put weight on when you're pregnant.

For the past 2 weeks, I've noticed my father stare at my chest, even when I'm right in front of him, talking to my mom. It's to the point where I just stay in my room and don't even go out of it in my own house. I spoke to my husband and he just dismissed it saying it's a natural reflex for men to 'look' since it's there and since I've put on weight there too because of the pregnancy. But its my father, shouldn't he have boundaries? If my doctor did that I wouldn't go to him anymore. With my father, what do I do? My husband said I should ignore it till they go back home but that's another month away. It is completely creeping me out and he isn't even trying to hide it. I wish I could just change their ticket dates and get them out of the house right now, but that isn't an option since it would hurt my mom, who is the sweetest person ever, but completely in denial and completely oblivious. Talking to her won't help because when I had tried to talk to her about an issue in the past, she had just pretended it was in my own head.

Help? I don't know what to do. I don't want to tell him directly because it is embarrassing, to me, as well as to him, since their ticket is non-changeable and we're stuck with them for 4 more weeks. What do I do?

leilei420 · Jun 10, 2011, 10:41 AM

That's very wrong of him to do to his own daughter... ive been in situations like this

tmtrotminor · Jun 10, 2011, 02:38 PM

First, wear clothes that hide it, at least while they're there. Things that don't show it off at all.. Second, I would talk to him if he still stares. Just, right in the middle of everything say, "Dad, I need to speak with you for a moment alone". And talk to him. Tell him that you notice and it makes you uncomfortable. If he keeps up, keep talking to him.

Fr_Chuck · Jun 10, 2011, 06:32 PM

I guess I have a question that it appears her own husband does not seem to notice him doing it, and his wife does not notice it.

Could it be perhaps, that the OP is overly self conscience about her breasts and may be seeing something that is not there. Perhaps a loving father, looking at his daughter, knowing she is to become a mother and he a grandfather, is confused as something it is not.

adviceishere · Jun 10, 2011, 11:56 PM

I absolutely agree with fr chuck, since I got pregnant I have been so much more self conscience, I feel like people are staring or are going to stare if I was thinking of wearing a certain outfit, not a particularly revealing outfit but everything on my body is much bigger now, its hard not to feel like your sticking out like a sore thumb.

Lilymoonstorm · Jun 15, 2011, 03:19 PM

Just confront him. You'll feel better about yourself if you do. Talk to him in private about it. I there is no change then confront him right when you notice him staring at your chest. It may just be he's zoning out and the eyes just rest on your chest but if it makes you uncomfortable and you don't deal with it then it can become something bigger over time and create a huge wedge between you and your father. If he still keeps doing it after confronting him then kick them out. Your mother is wrong for trying to make you think its all in your head and your husband is wrong for shrugging it off. Your feelings are real.

joypulv · Jun 18, 2011, 05:00 AM

I would just assume that it's a somewhat thoughtless but harmless act on his part, and let it go. In a large group you could say 'Good grief, I feel uncomfortable having grown so busty; it feels like people are staring at me. I can't wait to get back to normal.' I recall one little instant once when I was about 15, I entered a room at home wearing a womanly outfit and my father did a wide eyed double take. It's a (heterosexual) male reflex to stare at attractive women or parts of them. Watch a bunch of men talking on a street when a pretty woman walks by; they turn in unison without even stopping the conversation.

Jake2008 · Jun 18, 2011, 05:22 AM

I'm not so sure this is innocent on his part.

And you made reference to talking to your mother in the past about some similar (?) incident and she told you it was all in your head. Did this have anything to do with inappropriate conduct by your father as well?

I don't think it is okay for him to stare at your breasts. And I think you know very well that he is staring at your breasts. I doubt his eyeballs are on anything else when he gets the opportunity when nobody else is looking.

I would agree that you need to confront him. This isn't up to your husband to do, it is something that you must do for yourself. If you are truly convinced that he is staring at your breasts, and it is making you uncomfortable, tell him. Straight up, just tell him to cut it out. Next time it happens, tell him you WILL tell your mother that he is acting inappropriately, and making you uncomfortable.

You also have to be prepared for the consequences, which might mean they will leave, or take a hotel room, or he could have a hissy fit, etc. Not to mention he will deny it.

But, you can't keep complaining about it, if you aren't willing to deal with it. Hiding in your room, or wearing bigger clothing and talking to your husband, isn't going to solve your problem with your father.

If you had a teenage daughter and your father was doing this to her, I doubt anybody would say to simply ignore it, or that it was all in her head.