[davidrn]

Hello everyone. I currently went through a custody battle in which the mother to my child allow joint custody but had a paid attorney. I was granted a legal aid who in fact was friends with her attorney. During the court hearing I told my legal aid that I wanted to be in my child's life 100% in which I can make parenting decisions with her mother to benefit the growth of my child. After he showcase a document to me her lawyer wrote up. It had everything I wanted, But I noticed on the last line it said she has final say decision. Basically to my knowledge I felt this gave her sole custody in a different matter way of words. I told the legal aid why does is say that and he basically lied to me and said she only has final say for what school your daughter goes to and religion that's it, and rush me into sighing it.

After sighing it, and moving on with our life's all she's been doing is trying to control everything with our child. Everything out her mouth is "I have final say, you word doesn't mean anything." She wants to put her in a expensive day care, and force me to pay it which I can not afford it this moment. I ask can we go another route that financially I can afford (paying a close relative etc.) She's says no, my daughter is never ready at the times when I am suppose to pick her up, I get 2 consecutive weeks this summer with my daughter for vacation and she is not honoring my weeks, she want me to take her when she says, at times she doesn't let me speak to my daughter when I call but the document says I should have phones numbers to where ever my daughter is and her destinations, she even sleeps over her new boyfriends house with my daughter and doesn't want to tell me where he lives, she basically hates my guts that anything she can do that pushes my buttons she'll find ways using our daughter to get even with me and I am tired of it already.

I want to amend this document in which she doesn't have final say, and perhaps as that if we can not come to an agreement a mediator could be contact in which they can help make the final say. Is this possible? Also, being that the free attorney they supply me with is working with her paid attorney, am I allow to fire him and have them appoint me with another free attorney, if not can I represent myself?

Please any help would be glady appreciated. My daughter is my life! Thank you

[ScottGem]

You need to read this document carefully. Generally, Final say in your case means, decisions on schooling, medical care, religion etc. It does NOT mean visitation which should be specified in the agreement. Nor would it mean you are required to pay anything more than the court ordered support.

So you need to document any times that your daughter was not available for scheduled visitation. You tell the mother that you pay the court ordered support, but anything over and above that you will pay only at your choice (unless the agreement specifically requires that you pay educational costs).

Once you have documented the refusal to adhere to the visitation agreement, you go back to court and file for contempt of court against the mother. As part of this you can request the divorce agreement be amended to either be specific about what she has final say over, or to go to mediation/arbitration when disputes occur.

[cassicat4]

My partner went through the same thing you're currently going through, and your story sounds appallingly identical to his in so many respects. His ex threw the "I have final say" clause in his face at every opportunity and abused it to get her way too. But ScottGem is right, it does not have anything to do with visitation. It generally means, in the event of a dispute in terms of minor decisions such as medical care or what school to attend, that she can make the final decision if it's in the best interests of the child. However, you can fight the decision in court if you are not amenable to it. Unfortunately, the clause is very vague, and when my partner's case was evaluated by a mediator/assessor, they did not "see" her as necessarily abusing it, but merely being "confused" by the terms and defended her, saying she was just exercising what she believed was her authority in regards to the best interests of the child. No, she flat-out abused it, and it started with visitation, then to her wanting to put the kids in every activity imaginable and forcing him to pay, and it kept spiraling out of control. She comes from a very financially well-off family and kept threatening to take him to court if he did not give into her demands, but he's borderline bankrupt and could not afford this. Finally, he borrowed money from a family friend and hired a lawyer, who couldn't believe that the "final say" clause had even made it into the contract, because she has seen nothing but constant problems when it is. They revised the contract, removing the final say portion altogether.

What they gave his ex instead is "primary decision-making" in the event of emergency decisions such as medical care and day-to-day caretaking of the kids. With situations such as schooling, extracurricular activities, cosmetic or optional medical procedures, religious upbringing, etc. they must agree or seek mediation, unless she can prove his reason for disagreeing with the decision is due to simple pettiness or unwillingness to work with her. This sounds like what you're wanting for your situation as well.

My advice - do what you can to revise the terms of your contract. Otherwise, from ongoing personal experience, it is nothing but a hassle when vindictive exes who refuse to put their kids first are involved. Good luck to you and your child. I hope beyond hope that everything works out for you.

[AK lawyer]

... I was granted a legal aid who in fact was friends with her attorney. ...
...

A legal aid attorney, right? I have been friends with many attorneys I have litigated against. That doesn't mean that I would represent my clients' interests any less tenaciously. The fact that they are friends doesn't necessarily mean anything.

...
Also, being that the free attorney they supply me with is working with her paid attorney, am I allow to fire him and have them appoint me with another free attorney, if not can I represent myself?
...

Yes, you can fire him. If the court or legal aid organization will not appoint you another attorney (You don't have a right to an attorney in this case, by the way.), sure, you can represent yourself.