[dontknownuthin]

I wonder if there are any Catholic scholars or priests or just people in the know who can comment on an area of annulments I've had a hard time finding anything about - the ethical dilemma involved when one is asked to be a witness.

I am witness to an annulment, but obviously, in order to know enough to be of any value offering testimony, this couple trusted me enough to include me in their lives. When I was invited to dinner, or spent the holidays with them, or had them as guests in my home, there was no reasonable expectation that I would be writing a report on their behavior and interactions down the road to a clerical tribunal. But they divorced, and the husband asked me to be a witness. I had observed his wife being absolutely outrageous, and can certainly testify in support of his contention that she was too immature to marry, but as much as I can't stand her behaviors, I was a member of her family at the time, and there was some expectation of family loyalty and privacy, I'm sure, in our relationship which I really feel I am violating by testifying.

She is not really concerned with loyalty and has always treated me shabbily, as she did her husband, but nevertheless, I don't feel that my treatment of her should be based on her treatment of me - if she's inappropriate, I should still be appropriate.

I provided the testimony but am really feeling conflicted about it. So far I've only provided the written testimony and am hoping that I won't be called on to testify in person. I understand that the husband needs to follow this process to obtain the annulment, which would be very appropriate in his circumstance, but wonder what the church teaches about the conflict faced by the witness. Sure, one must tell the truth, and that is honoring a certain value. But isn't there also a moral expectation that we keep a lot of truths to ourselves, such as to avoid hurting or embarrassing others?

Being immature is not an immoral act nor a sin, and I'm not sure it warrants having one's personal inventory taken by friends and family members and aired before a clerical tribunal... what do others think about this?

[RickJ]

All you can do is tell the truth and share your true thoughts. That's all you can do in so many cases in your life... and some of them will be painful.

You may be asked some clarifying questions by one of the Clergy who are handling the proceedings. Just tell the truth. That's all you can do.

It is OK to support bothof them.

Truth and love for both of them will be your backbone.

I hope that I am not being too vague, but in cases like this there is no good "answer"... so all you can do is remain faithful to them and speak (and/or write) honestly.

[hauntinghelper]

Well, obviously you know the bible expects you to be a truthful and accurate witness. This is an unfortunate situation, however these do come along in life. In a dispute between two people, with someone like yourself caught in the middle, rarely are you going to be able to make both parties happy. That, according to you, the wife certainly had some issues. Our choices have consequences and possibly these proceedings will make her realize that. You're certainly not going AGAINST the God's word by being a witness. However, due to the nature of what's going on I'm sure the uneasy feelings will follow for some time. It happens, people part ways. How the wife takes it is really up to her... all you can do it carry yourself with integrity and in truth. Good luck to you!

[dwashbur]

The best thing you can do is choose your words carefully. You are correct: if she's inappropriate, you still need to be appropriate. Your testimony needs to be motivated by truth, not revenge. That said, it sounds as though in this case, the truth is going to hurt no matter what. But one way to soften the impact on her is to use things like "I" messages: I felt this way when it seemed she was doing such and such, I was hurt by X that she did, it seems to me that she was too immature, she has a lot of growing up to do but she's a decent person with lots of potential. How you phrase your testimony is as important as what you say. It's been said that a diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to the Hot Place in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip, so try to find ways to be diplomatic. I repeat: choose your words carefully. But don't mince them if it means withholding the truth.

[Fr_Chuck]

Please remember this is not a "court of law" but will be done by the Bishop of the local Diocese. And there is no court for you to be a physcial witness in. At the most they may call you on the phone and ask you to verify or to explain in more detail some part of event in it.

All this will do is allow the catholic member of the marriage to remarry if they wish. They will be looking for one of the events that will allow this to happen. What I would be concerned about if of course motive since you seem to also have some bad feelings against the person also.

But all you can and should do is be honest, don't add to the story, don't say things you "think" just tell the actual facts