[Chery]

I am 17 years old an am engaged to be married a couple of monthes after i turn 18 to my fiance who is 19 and will be 20 by the time we marry. When i tell people this they act very shocked and it seems as though they dissaprove. What can i do to reassure them that this is definately the person i want to spend the rest of my life with and that i am not being immature or hasty about it???

Dear, how long have you been together so far? Why not move in together and concentrate on your education, and help each other nurture your outlook for the future. People only look shocked because they read the statistics of young marriages where neither one had the chance to really get to know themselves, let alone each other. There are daily things that might eventually get on your nerves and unless you can stand each other 24 hours a day, and work things out if not too rosey one day, then what do you do? If there is confidence, trust and tolerance for little 'quirks' then you might be mature enough for a lifetime relationship, but there is no guarantee- at any age. No matter what your choice, I wish you all the luck and happiness. Also, there is no way you can change other people's minds, so don't worry about that part - you don't need to prove things to them, just to yourselves - so make sure you are ready for anything and everything that comes up together.

Keep us posted.

[Chery]

Hi!

I'm a 19 year old Norwegian girl. I have been with my Brazilian boyfriend for two years.
We met through some friends and started talking online in 2003.. And in january in 2004 he came here to Norway to visit me, and we became a couple. Then we were apart for 6 months before he moved here to be an exchange student to be with me in august 2004. But we had some problems us his exchange-parents didnt let s see eachother so much. They didnt want him to be so committed... well... in june 2005 the exchange program ended and we went together to Brazil and spent three months living together. We came home in october. Now we are living together here in Norway and we are talking about getting married soon. Do you goys think is too early? My family thinks its to early, and some of my friends too... but how much should I listen to that? I love him more than anything and he loves me too.. And if we get married now, it will make things much easier for us to be together, because of our different nationalities.. He wants to live here in Norway and is working a lot to get a visa, but if we got married we could juist be together.. Its very hard.. Do you think we are ready?
Sorry about the long question and the english mistakes.. :P

Thanks, Marthe

The reason your parents might be concerned is that statistics show that many young men marry just to get out of their countries, but this does not mean your boyfriend it that type of person. As long as you two have love and trust and a solid plan for the future, good education and job prospects, do what your heart tells you as long as it's within your county's laws. After all, you are not marrying his family or he your family - but again, don't rush things for a visa - this way you'll never be positively certain of the motives unless you really trust him. No matter what your choice, I wish you all the best.
Marriage is a serious choice to make in life, and only you can make it.

The only guarantees in life are taxes and death, the rest of the journey is up to us.

[Chery]

You see it is stereotypical that a lot of people that get maried young, don't stay married. It has been proven over and over. I mean if this is what you want to do, by all means go for it. Just make sure that you are both ready, because this is a big step in life. Amother thing is that people change when they get married it can either be for the better or for the worst, but note that when you take your vows you must mean it in order to deal with these changes. Good Luck! :)

This is also very well put, people will have many opinions about what others should do, but in the final outcome we are only the bystanders.
Here are a few questions:
When he's working longer, what will you do with your time? Or will you be the one working longer and will this affect his ego?
Will he help in the kitchen, take out trash, sweep the floor?
Does he like the same type of pets that you do?
Does he want children one day, and the next, when he sees one cry too much, change his mind?
Do you have the same hobbies or does he think some of the ones you have are ridiculous?
After a job, does he go out regularly with others and expect you to stay at home?
Does he like your friends or just tolerate them?
Do you like the same entertainment?
Does he like your cooking, or does he put salt and pepper on before trying the food?
Do you joke and giggle and just plain play around for the fun of it, or is life already so serious?
Are you sure you've tested and talked about each other's sexual fantasies, or do you plan to save that until you said the final word and hope things will work out someday?
When you finally say 'I do" , are there things that you already want to change for what you think he should be more sensible about?
Does he give you signs of appreciation and hugs out of the blue, or is there a 'romantic ritual' already on a weekly basis?
Are you absolutely certain that you both have had enough experience to not even once think of wondering off to other arms when things get too boring or too stressful at home, therefore having enough confidence to be able to talk about everything, any time?
When either of you are sick, do you take care of each other?

THIS APPLIES TO BOTH MEN AND WOMEN, ALTHOUGH I PUT IT IN THE FEMALE SENSE... But they are food for thought.

I could go on with pages and pages of questions, but this is the real life and as I said in a previous post, there is no guarantee for anything. Also, no couple in the world is 100% perfect, content, or constantly happy - you just have to be able to accept and handle things that will come your way, together.

This is by all means not a declaration to stop young people from getting married - just a few things to help on the way in case these issues were not on your minds yet, and that yes, things could change from one day to the next - we all have to learn to handle it.

Good luck and best wishes to all of you who take that very important step in your lives - no matter how old you are!

A secret:
P.S. I've been married before, am 55 this month, have a boyfriend of 4 or more years now, and truthfully I don't think I'm ready for marriage.

[orange]

I'm engaged and will be married later this month. I am 26 and my fiancé is 31. I am extremely glad I waited this long! I had 2 other serious boyfriends before my fiancé, the first one from age 16-21, and the second from age 21-23. I wanted to marry both of them, too... at the time, that is! But as I matured, I found that the guys I was with matured differently than I did, and wanted different things out of life. When I was 16 and 17 it was fun to have so many differences and to just "be together", what we were doing for jobs or careers didn't matter to us, nor did finances in general, or kids, or where we'd live, or what religion we belonged to... but when you get older, things like that start to really matter. At least to me they are becoming a lot more important. I really loved both those other guys... truly! But neither of them would have made good fathers. One has been unemployed for over 3 years. The other is living in Japan, and I want to stay in Canada. I've discovered that as I've gotten older, love and romance are not the only things I think about. Practical things matter a lot more.

If you wait until you're older, you will have a better chance of knowing who you are, and therefore knowing what you want in a partner, and out of life. It's more fun to NOT be married in your teens and early 20s, you are free to do what you want and pursue your own interests. As much as I love my fiancé, I don't have that freedom anymore. Just the other night we were discussing how he might have to take his medical speciality at another university, which would mean a major move for both of us. So if he decides he needs to go there, I will need to leave my life here (which I love), to go with him, or else I guess call off the wedding or get a divorce... and I am pregnant with his baby!

I'm not saying that just because you're young you can't be practical and work out your differences with your partner. People have married young and been very successful at it. But of the 3 girlfriends I have who married young, NONE of them say they would do it again. They all love their husbands and kids, but they all wish they had waited until they were older.

If it's true love between you and your partner, then you should be able to wait to get married as well. That's what my first boyfriend and I decided. We were together for 5 years, but then ended up splitting. What if I'd married him? I might have kids by him now, and would definitely be divorced from him. He's unemployed so I wouldn't be getting any child support. And I probably wouldn't have had the opportunity to go to university, or at least not the time to devote to it.

Bottom line, do what you want, of course! But like I said I am super glad I waited... and I'm even a bit nervous about my upcoming marriage now! :eek:

[Chery]

I just noticed that this thread was posted May 2004, but after reading all the other posts, I had to put my two-cent's worth in as this is still a very ALIVE subject and the opinions on this issue are getting better. So, what do you think folks, should we keep this alive or start a new one? I think this is one message that will get out to everyone and will benefit a lot.

[orange]

Two years old?? Holy! :eek:

I didn't realize this thread was THAT old, my bad... but yeah it's an excellent thread I say let's keep it!

[letmetellu]

All you have to do to make them stop bugging you is to show them that you and your boyfriend have good jobs and have all the money needed to have a place to live, that does not include one set of the in-laws. Show them that you have plenty of money for the insurance on your car or cars, the liability insurance to cover you in case someone is hurt in a wreck. Show them that you have plenty of health insurance to take care of you both in case of a sickness or accident. Oh and in case of pregnancy show them that you have they money needed to get good pre-natail care before the baby is born and then good care for the baby or babies after they are born. Oh and this should be without government help if possible so that the people bugging you will be impressed that you have things so will under control.

[Chery]

All you have to do to make them stop bugging you is to show them that you and your boyfriend have good jobs and have all the money needed to have a place to live, that does not include one set of the in-laws. Show them that you have plenty of money for the insurance on your car or cars, the liability insurance to cover you incase someone is hurt in a wreck. Show them that you have plenty of health insurance to take care of you both incase of a sickness or accident. Oh and in case of pregnancy show them that you have they money needed to get good pre-natail care before the baby is born and then good care for the baby or babies after they are born. Oh and this should be without government help if possible so that the people bugging you will be impressed that you have things so will under control.

These are all good points for the couple involved with each other, but it still is up to them and they should not care about what others think - it's is nobody else's business. The 'shocked' or any other nosey people are not the ones that have to live with them and should look in the mirror first before passing judgement.

As long as a couple are aware of all the trials and tribulations ahead of them, have considered and made plans appropriately together, it's their choice to make and live with.

[Fr_Chuck]

Call them all back in about 20 years and say I told you so.

The odds though are against you. First I believe somewhere about 1/2 of all marriages today end up in divorce and those of younger couples even worst.

Both of you will change a lot over the next 10 years and what is great now may be stupid then. So the trick is commentment over instant happiness, putting the other person first most of the time and for the guy understanding you are never right.

I wish you luck and one word, never walk out mad, no matter what the problem it can be worked out if both sides talk it out,

[cfablemaster]

I don't no what this web sites for... anyway I know a lot about life. If anyone needs questions about life ask me. I like cats video games and girrrrllllsss.
My icon is cool.

[cfablemaster]

Life is what you make it. Whether you meet the truth is your decision...

[Chery]

i dont no wat this web sites for.... anyways i know alot about life. if anyone needs questions about life ask me. i like cats video games and girrrrllllsss.
my icon is kool.

Since your only two posts are here, Welcome to the forum. Read the stuff under 'HOME' and find out what this site is about, then the 'INDEX" and find the differenct categories and go from there. Can't say I like your icon, as we have not seen it yet.
If you know a lot about life, how about some advice here on the real subject after reading the rest of the posts. Hope you enjoy this forum as much as the rest of us do.

Also glad you like cats too!

[beth10]

I'm 25 I've been married for over a year. Marriage is great but it is hard work. I have a friend who got married at nineteen and she is still very happily married. Wher the same age. I just want you to rember marriage is for ever many people are getting married thinking they can get divorced if things don't work out. I would suggest you get counseling first I did it helps later you won't alway's agree at times but as you learn to love one another it get's better and better. I got counseling from my pastor before hand. Don't get counsel from divorced people or people with married problems. Rember marriage is between you and your spouse and God No one else.

[bizygurl]

Im not going to tell anyone that getting married at a young age is wrong, bcause everyone is different, but based on only my expirence and my opinion, I would wait. I got married at twenty years old Im now twenty-seven. And I married the very first person I had a relationship with. I love my husband but do I wish now that I had more of an opportunity to be independent and on my own before I made such a commitment? Yes sometimes I do. I do feel that I missed out on a lot of things that most late teens and early tewnty yearolds get to have.
For instance not having to anser to anyone but yourself, to come and go as you please, to make decisions for myself without having to take in account for another person and how they feel.

When you get married it's a full time commitment and it's a decision not to be taken lightly. I have no doubt that you guys are in love but what is the hurry? You say your seventeen why not concentrate on school and any other goals that you may have. Im not saying to date around or anything but your young why make such a huge commitment at this point in time.

Im not telling you what to do and if you honestly feel in your heart that this is what you want, then no one can tell you what to do. As far as other people being "surprized" by this news, I don't think its surprise I think most peple want you to make the right decision, because this will have an effect on your life.

Im basing my answer on only my expirence, you do what you feel is right for you ultimately.

[Chery]

Im not going to tell anyone that getting married at a young age is wrong, bcause everyone is different, but based on only my expirence and my opinion, I would wait. I got married at twenty years old Im now twenty-seven. And I married the very first person I had a relationship with. I love my husband but do I wish now that I had more of an opportunity to be independant and on my own before I made such a commitment? yes sometimes I do. I do feel that I missed out on a lot of things that most late teens and early tewnty yearolds get to have.
For instance not having to anser to anyone but yourself, to come and go as you please, to make decisions for myself without having to take in account for another person and how they feel.

When you get married its a full time commitment and its a decision not to be taken lightly. I have no doubt that you guys are in love but what is the hurry? You say your seventeen why not concentrate on school and any other goals that you may have. Im not saying to date around or anything but your young why make such a huge commitment at this point in time.

Im not telling you what to do and if you honestly feel in your heart that this is what you want, then no one can tell you what to do. As far as other people being "surprized" by this news, I don't think its surprize I think most peple want you to make the right decision, because this will have an effect on your life.

Im basing my answer on only my expirence, you do what you feel is right for you ultimately.

For most people,personal growth and experience will get rid of any doubts and/or regrets when finally taking that important step and some are mature enough at a young age, and some aren't - even in their 50's - so it depends on how you feel about yourself and the security of the relationship. The couples involved should know what's best for them and have faith in each other, no matter what others think or say, as there is no such thing as 100% certainty in any phase of life.

We all have the right to be happy, no matter for how long...

[bubbles051105]

Hello, I got married when I was 16, it felt right to me however a lot of people turned there noses up I know I was very young however at the end of the day we are still together and happier then we have ever been. It was very hard at the beginning the hardest thing being changing my name at the banketc and telling people I felt like they wld judge me like many people did.
However 2 years on I have gained the confidence and don't care what people think about my age when I got married I feel that whether you are 16 or 50 you know who your soul mate is. Don't ever be put off by what people think do what you want!

[Becca_88]

I've read near enough all of these answers including the very negative ones :rolleyes: and they've helped me realise that my partner and i getting engaged would be the best thing to ever happen to either of us. I am 19 and a half and my partner is 21 and a half, we have been together 3 years. We have been through a hell of a lot for example me being homeless, my mother dieing (and i only had one parent anyway), me being made jobless, the prospect of having to adopt my sister when my mother died etc and yes they are all MY problems but James shared them with me and never ONCE left my side even throuh my darkest days of depression. He has been nothing but faithful and supportive and we have been living together for 8 months now and are buying our first home together (due to move in in 4 weeks). To cut a long story short, we know that we belong together and want to spend the rest of our days together however wrinkly, ugly and incontinent we become! I have been through a lot in my life, and James has had a pretty steady ride, his parents married when they were 16 and 3 children later they are still married and happy at the age of 50! IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW OLD YOU ARE IT DEPENDS ON THE COUPLE, HOW WELL YOU TRULY KNOW EACH OTHER, HOW MUCH LIFE EXPERIENCE YOU'VE HAD AND HOW YOU BOTH DEAL WITH STUFF WHEN THE GOING GETS REALLY REALLY TOUGH!!!:p

[ncgirl_21]

Getting Married at a young age is not a bad thing as long as you truly know your partner and you are willing to go through the good and the bad and no matter how bad it gets. you will fight to make your marriage last. I'm 21 years old and getting married Sept 9th of this year and I truely belive that my fiancee is my soul mate we've been through alot of tough times in the past 3yrs and even as our wedding is approaching quickly I just learned a family secret that has devstated me. For 21 years I've always thought that my a certain person in my life was my real _____________ but it turns out that my last name is not my last name its an adoptive last name and I have no clue where to begin in searching for the family I never knew that I had, having to find this out while planning a wedding has been a very stressful and yet my fiancee has stood by me threw it all. Getting married while your young has its advantages and disadvantages but when it really comes down too it its about wether your in it togather threw the good and the bad and if you can compromise and make it work, Its hard but wether your young or old you have to work at your marriage to make it work and if you understand theres going to be hard times and your not always going to see eye to eye, but you just work your way threw it then it can last forever. My fiancee and I have been togather for 3 yrs and we've been threw alot theres was a time we were both jobless and no help from family but we made it we're fighting a battle over his 3 kids that he has and we haven't seen a light at the end of that tunnel but it'll come. No things aren't always perfect but like I said before wether your young or old you have to work at your marriage to make it work and yes love is a big part of your relationship but with time it'll only get better and stronger, kinda like wine with time it only gets that much better and stronger. Sorry for the book that I wrote.

[fix-what-you-broke]

My mother first got married when she was 16, I can't say if it was a good idea or not as he died a few months later.
She then went on to get married a further three times.now been divorced for 15 years.
If it works for you, I say good luck to you and I hope it works out.
I personally am so glad I didn't marry my ex, I got with him when I was 16,he is the father of my child,and we were together almost 6 years all in all.
Good luck to you...

[bushg]

I am 17 years old an am engaged to be married a couple of monthes after i turn 18 to my fiance who is 19 and will be 20 by the time we marry. When i tell people this they act very shocked and it seems as though they dissaprove. What can i do to reassure them that this is definately the person i want to spend the rest of my life with and that i am not being immature or hasty about it???

I don't have much time so I'm going to be quick. I got married at 28 years of age, believe me I have matured quite a bit over the years since my marriage 15 years ago. I can't even begin to imagine how people as young as yourself are going to be able to pull this off. But good Luck anyway and remember if you love him now waiting will not make a difference ,you will still love him in 1, 2, or 3 years from now. :)