[bez6979]

Hi, I'm currently in the early stages (6 days) of a long distance breakup and I need some help and advice please! Ok, I'll give you a little bit of history, we first met 10 yrs ago, we both worked on the cruise ships and were good friends however their was no romantic link as we were both with other people on the ship, although I did find her attractive and she has since confessed she thought I was sexy. We lost touch when our contracts ended and found each other on Facebook in Early 2008, I was going through a divorce and she was happily married, we struck up our friendship again with the occasional phone call and lots of texts and chats as she lives a 4 hour train ride away from me, until we lost touch again due to a very jealous girlfriend of mine making me come off Facebook and delete most of female friends numbers (I know how stupid that was, I would never let anyone tell me who I can be friends with now!).

So anyway fast forward to November 2010 we again find each other on Facebook and I find out she's split from her husband who she has a 2 yr old daughter with and is now dating another guy! I at this point was single, so we continue our friendly chats, texts and phone calls and we were starting to flirt quite badly now! After a few weeks I checked her status update and saw she was fed up and was really down, so I text her and told her to go get a cuddle off her daughter or boyfriend, it didn't take long for her to text me back saying that the reason she was fed up is cause she caught her boyfriend going through her phone so understandably she ditched him!

We seemed to speak more frequently on the phone over the next few days and it was in mid December I suggested she came up to visit me for a few days to take her mind off everything, she agreed and booked her train tickets! When she arrived I couldn't believe all these feelings I had for her, we sat up until the early hours chatting about the good old days working on the ships and how great we both looked now, obviously one thing led to another and we ended up sleeping together and when we woke up the next morning we both looked into each others eyes and just knew instantly that we'd done the right thing!

Over the next few months we would take turns every other weekend traveling down to each others houses to spend time together, it was amazing, we were so much in love it was quite frightening really! She talked about moving her and her daughter up to my part of the world and settling down and having more children, I was just as happy as her if not happier, we went out and bought an engagement ring for her and I can honestly say although I was married once before I'd never been happier! Ok, here comes the strange part! It was Friday afternoon and I was literally walking out of the door to catch the train to hers for the long bank holiday weekend! We'd spoke on the phone a few hours earlier and she'd talked about inviting her family over for a BBQ on the Saturday but out of the blue I receive a text asking if I wouldn't mind postponing this weekend as due to her breaking a few ribs during the week she was in so much pain she was going to stay at her sisters so I naturally replied it's fine I'll still come down and look after you and have a quiet weekend in the house! She wouldn't have it, she was adamant I was not to come down this weekend so I reluctantly agreed not to go down. Obviously my mind was going into overdrive so I text her asking if there was another reason she didn't want me to go down and she admitted she'd had doubts about our relationship working due to the distance and she would naturally find it difficult moving her daughter up to mine and she also admitted she didn't fancy me as much as she thought she did because I treat her so nice and she's never been with anyone who hasn't been aggressive, violent or cheated on her and she was shocked that people like me actually exist, someone who showers them with love, gifts and romantic gestures! Apparently with me treating her too nicely she got lost in how nice I was and that she wasn't that physically attracted to me! I'm not being arrogant or big headed but I know that's not true, I used to catch her staring at me all the time and we used to joke about it as she just used to stare at me and tell me how sexy I was, I'm sorry but after 6 months of a long distance relationship that doesn't just vanish! She's not answering my phone calls and I only got a response on the text as I threatened to drive down to see her, she text telling me not to bother and to give her space, she might change her mind!

I'm so confused I don't know what to do for the best, do I allow her to have the space she wants for a few days/week and have the possibility she realises she doesn't want to be with me and moves on or do I jump in the car and drive the 6 hours to see her face to face and talk about it, at least if she tells me face to face I will have some closure I think! Please help me, I will be grateful for any feedback! Oh by the way, we're both 31. Thanks.

[ironhide262]

She asked for space so, give it to her. Let her do her own thing whatever that may be.

Seems to me that the both of you moved too fast. All this talk about moving in together, a girl who probably has a bit of a complicated life,daughter and all. You also reconnected with her at a time when she was just getting out of a marriage... it's nice being the shoulder to cry on and the one that's there but, no fun when you get left in the dust after they heal up and feel better about themselves.

Anyway, the what's and why's don't matter. Break ups suck and in these situations you do what's best for you. Keep you dignity(don't do or say anything you may regret! ), bow out, let her be and move on. Read the stickies at the top of the relationship page. There's some very good info that I think you would find helpful. Good luck!

[talaniman]

Acceptance IS closure. Leave her alone.


I agree with the previous poster. For whatever reason she changed her mind, and you have to accept it. Its hard with all the plans and expectations, but I suspect she is not ready for that kind of commitment at this time and wants her freedom.

You had fun while it lasted, so bow out gracefully with dignity and self respect, and resume your life. When the dust settles, you can decide whether you can get your ring back.

I assume she still has it, and in my culture, she must return it since she broke the promise of marriage that it symbolizes

[BK201]

Exactly same situation. I had a long distance relationship, it all went well, and all of sudden she did things that made me loose the trust on her. But I tried my best to get her back, though it didn't work, now I don't have any regrets. So, I suggest you can give your best try once, and see how things go. Until we know the reason even if it is going to hurt, its worth it because you love her. If it is not going to work out, fine, then you can move on without carrying any luggage. What say?

[bez6979]

Hi everyone, thanks for the comments! Even if it wasn't what I was hoping to hear I know I need to try let her go, as painful as it is! There's a million clichés I could use here such ad "if it's meant to be it will work itself out" if you love her let her go and if she comes back then it's meant to be" well I sent her an email letting her know I'll not be contacting her, as much as I love her I was disappointed the way it ended, the ball is in her court now, to be honest I'm not expecting to hear from her but at least I've let her know how disappointed I was the way she ended it! So I've decided I need to man up and grab that fishing rod as there's plenty more fish out there! Thanks again.

[BK201]

Good luck with that