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Daniel1987 · May 29, 2011, 12:46 AM

Hi,

My girlfriend doesn't want to see me till I sort myself out.

She went to america for a few weeks and came back hoping I would have got myself a car because we live about 35 minutes drive from each other. She came back and I didn't have one. She was really upset and said I make promises I can't keep and she needs someone who does what is needed of them.

She wants me to get a car to move the relationship on and so we can see each other more often and obviously live together at some point.

I have just been made perminant at work so now am able to do so as I have a stable job.

She has been back from america for about 7 week I have seen her once and she is now saying she needs time to think weather we should be together and said even if I get a car we won't magically be back together again.

I have been with her for about 5 years. I just don't want to lose someone I really love and think I could spend my life with. I find it hard not to call her/text her.

ironhide262 · May 29, 2011, 09:06 AM

This whole crazy car situation has been nothing but a set up to make you fail... she knew you couldn't get a car! She's playing games instead of being honest with you. After 5 years of being together you deserve better.

A car would never get in the way of a healthy loving relationship nor would it become a condition of moving the relationship forward. If distance is the real problem then you would work on it together, not have all kinds of demands put on you!

She has put a lot of distance between the two of you now and is very much moving on after 7 weeks.

I say you let her go and also move on. This girl has not been upfront and honest about her change of feelings and the way she's breaking up with you is very low.. a very huge eye opener in her character.

Keep focusing on work and other activities... read the stickies at the top of the relationship page and no contact is probably the best thing for you.

88sunflower · May 29, 2011, 10:27 AM

After 5 years she is saying you have to get a car or it won't work? How did it work prior to this? You made it work somehow because it lasted 5 years. Does she have a car? Is she so against putting her best effort forward to seeing you? After this long you do what you have to do to make it work. I wouldn't question her on the car topic. I think she has other motives. That just doesn't make sense.

adviceishere · May 29, 2011, 10:37 AM

Had to spread the rep sunny! Also why can't she get a damn car?? Why is it only you that has to get one? I don't even know why I'm asking because this is nothing to with a car, as the other guys have said, I also don't think it anything to with getting an actual car, she just has nothing else to be mad at you for and is looking for excuses' to end it.

talaniman · May 29, 2011, 10:44 AM

You lucky dog!! This is the perfect chance for you to get yourself together and stop wasting any more time on this female who makes demands but offers no help to build a life with you.

Take this opportunity to build your life and get someone who DESERVES, and APPRECIATES the efforts of a good fellow.

You are a good fellow aren't you? Bet that there is a good woman a lot closer than she is. Who doesn't care about whether you have a car or not!

Daniel1987 · Jun 18, 2011, 12:08 PM

She does have a car its just me who doesn't have one.

Its been a while now I had the bottle to go round there knock on the door and say I need to speak to her she said that is it.

Yet since then has been sending mixed signals saying if I sort myself out she loves me enough and would be with me.

So I'm still totally confused. She has said its it yet is texting me saying she loves me and if I sort myself out she would be with me.

So am I meant to move on or what and forget about her? I really am confused as she is sending mixed signals.

When I'm out with my friends enjoying myself she texts me waiting my response as she knows I'm out.

I don't know if she is just playing with me and wants me there on abit of string or if she just really does have feelings for me still.

adviceishere · Jun 18, 2011, 12:37 PM

Haven't you read any of the other advice given? Break up with her, delet her number and don't respond to any contact she tries to make. Go out and enjoy yourself.

talaniman · Jun 18, 2011, 01:02 PM

Its not her sending mixed signals, its your own false hope and blindness that's receiving them. Its not her keeping you on a string, its your inability to let go that keeps you there.

Dude, just to be frank, not harsh, but you need some distance to see what's going with you to understand why you are so easily stuck on someone so tough, you allow her to keep you confused.

True you do need to get yourself together, for yourself, not to keep HER!

amicon · Jun 18, 2011, 01:36 PM

Yes,you're meant to move on-get your life back on track and

Stay on track-and ignore the ex.

Alty · Jun 18, 2011, 01:41 PM

Tell her that you can't make the changes she wants, that you are who you are, and she either loves you as such, or leaves. Tell her to stop contacting you, as you will stop contacting her so you can move on.

She can't demand changes and then dangle a thread of hope in your face. This girl is playing games. Put down the ball, walk out of the court, and stop allowing her to play these games. If you're not there to play them with her, she'll stop.

Go to no contact. Move on. Forget her. She's never going to be happy with anything you do.

88sunflower · Jun 18, 2011, 03:54 PM

You have some great responses here from some good people that have been around a while. Listen and trust each one. I think your on the right track already. You mentioned being out with your friends having a good time. Hats off to you my friend. Many times we see people here waiting at home and watching time go by while the ex moves on. You have taken that step others haven't. Go have fun. Date around. Block her in every way. Block her now from your cell because of course she will text you while your out. She wants your mind on her and her only. Not out possibly looking for her replacement.

Daniel1987 · Jun 20, 2011, 09:56 AM

Manned up and spoke to her.

She was saying I hope we can be friends I miss you and she still loves me

She said she has been upset because I have been out enjoying myself.

And when she has been out with her friends they have been telling her to talk to other guys and get over me. I didn't think women are like that? But hey ho...

Im just trying not to rise to it now. As I think all we will do is keep going around in circles.

Just is a shame after 5 years this is how it is going to end. Because I didn't sort myself out earlier I have lost someone I really love. Is a big kick in the nuts...

Just at work is the time I seem to think about it as I'm sitting about not doing a lot. Need to try and keep my mind off it at work which is very hard. As I have a lot of time to sit and think about stuff.