[z2dgirl]

My boyfriend of 2 years has always been very sexual, he had a lot of porno mags / dvds when I moved in with him but he got rid of them because he said he didn't need them anymore because he had me. We have sex daily(if not twice or 3 times daily!) So I have a hard time understanding this but when I woke up from napping one day early last spring and came out to the room where he was (he was on the computer) and he was just on the homepage of the internet then I realized he messed up and never removed the last search from the toolbar. It was titled "female name(I don't remember) nude" I was furious and immediately called him on it and he appoligized & reassured me he was just bored and didn't have anything else to do (... he couldn't even come wake me up as I was nude in the other room?)

I got passed it as him just being impulsive, not meaning anything by it but a couple months later I was trying to find the website for one of my newer student loan payments in the history of my laptop and I saw that about a month after the first incident he was looking at porn again! This time while I was at work(he was temporarily laid off at the time) so I again called him on it but this time I elaborated greatly on the feelings of shame and insecurity knowing I wasn't good enough for him and how hurtful it was to me that he had to look at porn to satisfy his "urges" instead of using me. He again apologized saying he'd never do it again knowing how much it hurt me(blah,blah,blah)...

At this point my trust was broken in him so I began checking his texts/phone calls and shortly after he started working I saw a text he sent his MARRIED brother that said, "send me naked chicks" in reply there were a multitude of different pics his older brother sent him that he forwarded on to his "new buddies" at work. I also noticed a lovely graphic of a stripper doing a pole dance as the background of his phone :( I was again very hurt and called him on it. He agreed that if I was to be looking at good looking naked men on my phone and the internet he'd be just as jealous (if not more!) and he again proclaimed to me he'd stop. For the summer it seemed like it did. (I cancelled our internet service because we couldn't afford it anymore last summer)

Then fall came along and he was laid off again because of the weather... this time he'd spend the day at my mom's house while I was at work. Well when she got home one evening she called me asking what I'd been looking at while at her house because she had a pop up from a dirty site so she ran her virus scan and it detected a virus! I was again(go figure) furious and confronted him with it only I told him I saw it in the history because I didn't want him to feel embarrassed that my mom found it! But this time his reaction was different he got mad at me for snooping and checking up on him! I explained to him how hurt and how insecure it made me feel when he choses to look at these things and he ended up apologizing but I feared he would just try to hide it so I had my mom put an adult filter on her computer so he couldn't access anything too bad when he was there. Well he got around it and it happened one more time... he again was "sorry" and all that jazz I've hear ALL too frequently.

This spring the time came for us to get new phones... I was nervous because it had been so long since he'd had internet that he'd try looking for porn once he had the internet at his fingertips. Not much to my surprise the FIRST day after having our new phones I checked his history only to find that while we were laying in bed cuddling (as he fondled me) he was "playing on his phone" ie: looking up porn! We had an argument and less than 2 months later something similar happened I checked his history(he tried to delete it but I knew a way around it) and I saw he was looking at porn. This time I gave him an ultimatum. I told him he needs to get his **** together and stop acting like a 17 year old boy or we're through... (he's 27 and I send him dirty pics of me ALL the time to satisfy his urges!)

We'll you'll never guess but I was snooping again today(after almost 3 months of finding nothing and my trust finally starting to build it's way back up) I saw a text he sent to his newest buddies at work of a topless(probably 18 year old) chick and it caused me to blow up with anger and sadness and I'm very hurt right now. I am at a total loss of what to do... I want to see a relationship counselor but he just thinks we can get over it without "paying someone to tell us what we already know"... when we obviously don't know how to work through our problems very well!

I am VERY insecure and untrusting... all 3 serious relationships I had before I met my current boyfriend ended in me being cheated on and lied to and my parents recently divorced because my father is an abusive son of a ***** who cheated on my mom for several years before she found out. I have been to counseling on my own but I really would like my boyfriend and I to go before we lose everything we've worked for these last 2 years...

Does anyone think it's worth it to go to counseling at this point? What's the best way to show him the benefits of counseling to convince him to go with me?

Thank you SO much for reading! Any constructive advice would be so welcomed...

[redhed35]

Men like looking at women, whether it's a 20 year old picture of a pole dancer or a 50 year old women jogging, they look, they are gentically and historally attracted to women, its can't be broken, accepting that is the first step, for you, to get to grips with your insecurity, I'm not talking about gawing, but looking.

It has nothing to do with not being attracted to you or not loving you, men are visual creatures. Its natural and normal.

He's not cheating on you, and I'm sure if he was you would know about, due to the amount of snooping you do.

Hes trying to hide the porn because you get upset, if you were OK for him to view porn now and again with a few rules in place that you were both happy with perhaps this would not be such a big issue.

From your post I got that this was not a daily thing, if it were I'm sure again you would have found out through snooping.

I would never look though my fiancé phone,ever! nor his email, if he is looking at porn I have no idea, I'm sure he does from time to time, but it does not effect our relationship (in all areas) and it does not impact on myself esteem or self confidence, I would not disrespect him or his privacy, and he does the same for me.

Your boyfriend looking at porn is effecting YOUR relationship, and it needs to be addressed, him looking at porn on your mothers computer was crossing a line although I doubt he meant anyone to find out, especially your mother!

If this is a deal breaker for you if your trust in him is gone, if he is not willing to talk about it its time to call it a day.

BUT, if he cares for you, respects you in all other areas and over all is a good guy this can be resolved, but you have to meet him half way, the compromise has to come from both of you, if he can keep that up, if you can stop yourself from trying to catch him out or trip him up, your relationship can improve, he is not the other ex's, don't tar him with the same brush.

Only you know if he is a good guy or not and only you know if this is a dealbreaker.

[talaniman]

Dirty pictures and porn are like baseball cards to some guys, just something stupid we do. It has nothing to do with you, or how he feels about you. That you take it so personally is more of a problem, and that you are so defensive and the lengths you are willing to go are also red flags that you need a different approach altogether.

Now using your moms computer was crossing a line, and making him make promises he can't keep is also not a good thing either. Maybe for now set some boundaries for you both that you can agree on, and keep, that allows him some surfing, and "guy" stuff without the impulsive anger, and you being upset.

Its not really what the specific problem is but how you agree to solve it where you both can agree. For sure, only you can decide if this is a deal breaker or not, but I doubt you bring about changes soon or quickly by force or threats, but you can change your reaction to it, if he stays within reason, and doesn't cross the lines of good behavior.

We never kept porn around the house when the kids came but before then, we both watched them together because it was never made a big deal of, and went well with wine and cheese and sparked many discussions that were deep and intimate about sexuality, and expectations because guys don't see pictures as a threat, or temptation, but insecure females do.

Solve this with honest communications, not dictation, and confrontation, and he won't have to lie about it, or feel the need to hide it, while you work on your own issues with it and impulsive, emotional reactions to it. In this way you both can compromise and bring about change, and improvement.

He may be afraid to upset you and face your wrath, but that only makes him promise things you want to hear, but he will be hard pressed to keep. It's a big leap for normal, healthy guys to go from porn, to cheating though, but that's your issue to deal with.

He doesn't sound addicted, but that's his call, just as projecting your past relationships into this one is your issue, and that's why you talk, and listen so you can both understand what adjustments to make to keep moving forward, and grow together.

He was wrong for using your moms computer, but you were wrong in your reaction to his porn, and lack of honesty in telling him from the git go, to change what he was doing before you met. He may want to, but it may be years before he actually does. You must be willing to compromise and change yourself though. He should reassure your fears, not pander to them.

[jmjoseph]

I think that you are going to lose this guy if you don't back off on this issue.

He loves you, and he has sex with you daily.

He's going to feel as though you have him under investigation. Rightfully so. Some guys enjoy the female form, God's greatest creation.

Good luck to you both.

[Jake2008]

I do agree that for some women (if not most women), porn is something they'd rather do without. I'd love to do a poll on that.

I also agree that while some women share in the porn thing to spice up their sex life, or to please their husbands, while used as an addition to sex, it can spice things up.

But porn, when it goes so far as to affect how you feel about your relationship, is becoming a problem, and it is a shared problem. And it needs to be resolved.

Sex, as we know, is an expression of love. There is nothing artificial about it, and it is not in need of anything artificial to improve it, change it, or make it better. Enhance it, sure, but as a continuous need on the part of your boyfriend to the point where he hides and lies about it, is another problem. One that also needs dealt with.

My opinion is, the more important issue here is the rift that his 'hobby' is causing, and that because of his actions (lying, sending porn, receiving porn from his brother, using porn on your mother's computer,watching porn secretly on his phone while having sex with you etc.), are all choices he is making, that are affecting you, in a very personal way. You are entitled to feel how you feel.

The bigger issue of addressing the problem, and working it out is the only way I can see to put an end to this rift. Then look beyond that, to the other things you are feeling now. Can you trust him, trust his word, can you compromise with him, learn to live with his penchant for porn, love him fully, despite what he does?

I am not faulting him here anymore than I am faulting you. I am saying that the porn is only the obvious issue to be addressed. One thing in a relationship that errodes any foundation, is a lack of trust.

To me it is not much different than if he were secretely hiding vodka bottles in his tool box, or deleting the bank account to play poker online. While he may feel his use of porn is harmless, obviously, it is not.

[z2dgirl]

Thank you all for your answers, we had a talk yesterday morning that lasted about 3 hours and we discussed a lot of difficult things. I still have a lot to think about and a lot more to talk to him about though.

He is an amazing man and this is his only fault in my mind (the deceit of trying to hide his actions more than his actions themselves). I know with my trust issues I have a lot to change for us to have a healthy relationship. And I also have A LOT more to learn about healthy relationships and that's why I really hope we can go to a few counseling sessions. I know my issues won't get better if a counselor only hears my side of the story(and only hears my feelings) so it seems essential we go together. I am afraid that he'll feel like I'm trying to control him if I ask (again) if we could see a counselor. I think I mentioned it before, but he has adamately explained to me that there's no need for us to waste our money to talk to someone who's going to just tell us what to do or tell us something we already know...

Any suggestions on how to bring this up genty?

[talaniman]

You can always just go yourself to learn to deal with your issues. Learning how to deal with yourself, is the first step in dealing with others.

[Jake2008]

I wish I knew more what the three hour talk was about- but that is impressive that he was willing, and you were willing, to work hard to get all the emotional cards on the table.

With all due respect to talaniman, I don't see this as one person or the other with a problem in dealing with issues that belong only to one or the other. The issue between you that brought you here, was the porn, but, it could have been any major issue, either his or yours, that has caused this major rift.

There are insecurities involved on your part, because he is engaged in an issue that is uncomfortable for you in the sense that it has caused him to lie and cheat about it, not to mention that he's hardly discriminate in his behaviour when he chooses to use porn on your mother's computer, and asks his brother to send girlie pics to his cell phone. He on the other hand feels that you are controlling his space, maybe judging him, and his reluctance in my opinion, is really saying that he doesn't have a problem. Not only that, but he is unwilling to address what is obviously important to you- the main event- the relationship itself.

But for the fact that he has done what he has done, continues to do, and continues not to want to address it in order to resolve it, leaves you between a rock and a hard place.

It is up to you to decide whether to accept his behaviour, his lies, his coverups, his resulting behaviour. If you can live with it or not, I don't know. If he has passed into the realm of getting sexual satisfaction no matter what the cost from porn, you can expect more of the same behaviour. It may boil down to his needs, vs. your needs, and there never will be a compromise. As you said earlier, his porn use has a history that goes back to when you first met him. That he goes to such extremes has me wondering if there isn't an addiction at play here.

If he is digging in his heels about counselling, I strongly suggest that you go. Give the therapist all that you have said here, including the main reasons this has brought the relationship to a stall- the lying, the dishonesty, the details as to the extent he goes to to view porn. How it is affecting the way you feel about him, and how it has erroded your trust. As I've said before, when trust is compromised in a relationship, it affects everything else and causes a huge crack in the foundation.

It really has nothing to do with the porn.

[z2dgirl]

Reading this again today made me think of a few things.

First, I won't accept the excuse that "men are visual creatures"... women are too! I think the male body is VERY attractive and I used to view photos of men all the time when I was single(and YOUNG!)

I think of it this way: when you're first learning how to read a map it makes sense to look at multiple maps to figure out how to decifer what's what. But once you decide you're going to live and travel only in Ireland for the rest of your life why the heck would you need a map of each of the United States?

My boyfriend has openly admitted that he WOULD NOT be happy and would feel insecure if I was still looking at naked men... so I think it's fair to say pictures can and do threaten more than just insecure females.

We have decided we want to spend the rest of our lives together and I will not settle for anything less than how I treat him. Which is why I'm pressuring the subject. "Those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing."

I have more on my mind but I have to return to work... will post back later!

Again, thank you all for your responses!

[Wondergirl]

he has adamately explained to me that there's no need for us to waste our money to talk to someone who's going to just tell us what to do or tell us something we already know...

That is NOT what counselors do. A counselor is trained to pull out the client's (couple's) thoughts and feelings about things in their areas of concern and then guide the client (couple) to make decisions and formulate goals that will work for him (them).

[Blondebarber]

I have this same problem and it's been going on for about the last year or so of our relationship! >Personal info deleted<

[Blondebarber]

Any updates lady? I'm in the same situation!! Just wondering how your holding up? I am pissed a lot now because of this and it's really putting a strain on our relationship he can b the sweetest guy but it's very hard to enjoy him when I no for a fact he's been lying and jacking off to porn stars when he has a perfectly fine little blonde wanting Him as much as I can get him but yet he chooses the porn ( secretly)

[z2dgirl]

No changes yet... It's very stressful because I want him but have such a hard time blocking out his use of porn. I haven't found anything on his phone recently but that's not to say he hasn't just found better ways to hide it... I don't think he has because he has been so busy at work he pretty much eats dinner & falls asleep lately. But then again, our love life is starting to dwindle which has me uber stressed out! I've seriously not had zits like this since I was 14!

Ugh, anyway...

How do you approach your lover about it Blondebarber?

At this point with us, confrontations really only turn into arguments and it has us both on edge about everything. We're starting to snap at each other for the stupidest things.

I really can't understand why it's so difficult for men to understand where we're coming from... my man would be pissed if I was texting naked dudes to my girlfriends! (He has told me this when I've flat out asked him how he'd feel) So what on earth is going through his mind that makes him think I would be OK with him doing it? (Any male perspective here would be appreciated!)

At this point, I really want to believe that he's sorry for hurting me and not just sorry for being "caught."

Like you said Blondebarber, he can be so damn sweet it's really hard to stay mad at him... until it happens again! Then I want nothing more than to rip out my hair in frustration!

He usually plays the "men are visual creatures" crap but lately he's been showing a little remorse. Perhaps because he's realizing how much this is messing us up as a couple. He said something along the lines of, "I felt guilty when I did it, and idk why I did, it was just an urge and I didn't want to hurt you..." he's going to need to realize that just because he didn't mean to hurt me doesn't mean he didn't... and that all actions have consequences. If he really loves me, he will learn to respect me more. A big part of it is that he needs to let his imagination run free with me not some skank on the web... I know he'll like the results(with me) better than his ol rosie palm and a picture ;)

[talaniman]

You want a guys perspective, well here it is, and understand that I am not intentionally being harsh, but it may come off that way, but I think your inability to let him work through his guy issues, is what adds to your frustrations, and have made what he sees as a normal guy thing a personal issue between you. His attitude about porn will likely change any way, as it does when kids, and responsibilities at home change. You pushing this issue and making it about your own needs, wants, and personal disgust seems to be based on him changing for YOU now. Him doing as you wish NOW, to show he loves you.

The conflict as I see it, is him trying to go against his nature, (looking at girly pictures in my day, electronic porn now) and please you to keep peace, and also pushing back at what he sees as you telling him what he can, and cannot do. No doubt he resents you pushing that porn button, because he doesn't have a problem with it so how can he understand YOUR problem with it. Most young guys can NOT, and he is no different. Honestly all young guys would just want their partners to just shut up about a personal guy habit he likes that you don't, and that can range from porn to golf. GUY STUFF!

Now you can take this habit HE has personally, and be mad, resentfully, and refuse to understand why he does what he does, and be resentful yourself, and frustrate yourself trying to catch him doing it again, so you can huff and puff, and start some stuff. It will only distract you from the true cause of your resentment, and any positive way to express it to him.

While you fight about what he does as "guy stuff", its your own need for a certain type of attention that's at the root cause of all this, and your own unfounded jealousy, and feeling threatened by someone else titillating your fellow. Everything titillates a young healthy guy, so he has no clue what the big deal is, just another reason to be betched at about his habit you don't like, as you probably do about ANY habit of his you don't like.

Of course this leads to conflict, when you get PO'd at him about a habit he does, and has done, that you don't like, and its always, if he loved me and see how it hurts me he would change, and get frustrated and evil when he doesn't. So you see half the problem here is YOURS, so own it, adjust to it, change the way you handle it, because no matter what the conflict is about, doesn't matter. What matters is the way you HANDLE it! If your way isn't working, don't keep doing it, find a better way to deal with the problem.

Just something to think about. Truth be told, he probably feels the same way about "girl stuff" that you do. He just handles it differently.

[z2dgirl]

I don't think your response was nessesarily harsh but I do think you and your wife have very different values than my boyfriend and I. I respect that and I would appreciate it if you could respect my relationship with my boyfriend as well. It is hurtful that you assume I ***** about everything in our relationship when you've never had a conversation with me or my boyfriend. I did, however, appreciate your response, it was very honest and I thank you! But I have a question: could you give me some examples of "girl stuff" that I do that could cause him to lose his sense of selfworth and question his sexual ability?

I would like to point out that everything titillates healthy young women(like myself) the same as it does healthy young men. The difference is in the way one chooses to handle these titillations. I show respect for my man by not to looking at (or oogling over) naked men because he has indicated it would make him jealous and upset.

I want to be turned on by MY MAN and I want him to be turned on by ME.

I too believe it would be wrong for me to ask him to change for ME. I want him to discontinue this habit because he does not want me looking at naked men and I respect that. Since I am repectful of his wishes, he needs to be repectful of mine as well. This would be a completely different situation if he would be comfortable allowing me to look at those types of images when he wasn't around, but he's not.

I have been brutally honest with myself and with my boyfriend and I have never said that the problem lies solely within him. I know the way HE AND I BOTH are handling it is why there is so much conflict in our relationship. I've more than owed up to my HALF, it's his turn to own up to his.

With all of that I am happy to say we're getting better at talking these things through(without him getting defensive or me being agressive) and things are looking up. But he knows I am firm in my belief that porn is not a healthy part in OUR relationship and I will not accept it. I would rather be alone than share my man.

[talaniman]

QUOTE by z2dgirl,
I don't think your response was necessarily harsh but I do think you and your wife have very different values than my boyfriend and I. I respect that and I would appreciate it if you could respect my relationship with my boyfriend as well. It is hurtful that you assume I ***** about everything in our relationship when you've never had a conversation with me or my boyfriend. I did, however, appreciate your response, it was very honest and I thank you! But I have a question: could you give me some examples of "girl stuff" that I do that could cause him to lose his sense of self worth and question his sexual ability?

Making unreasonable demands thru lack of understanding. Changing his habits or behavior because it makes you feel bad, unwanted, scared, or insecure, and you question his love/attraction for you. I think your man has his own insecurities he deals with.

I would like to point out that everything titillates healthy young women(like myself) the same as it does healthy young men. The difference is in the way one chooses to handle these titillations. I show respect for my man by not to looking at (or ogling over) naked men because he has indicated it would make him jealous and upset.

Thats why he may be insecure, he expects you to toe a line, and not himself. A double standard. Its made worse though, I think by you presenting it this way as the shoe on the other foot. He has no choice but to agree and cater to YOUR position. What if he said he didn't care about you ogling at naked men? That would really have made you mad. This goes deeper than porn, and is about how YOU feel more than how he feels. Just curious, how do you handle your titillation?

I want to be turned on by MY MAN and I want him to be turned on by ME.

It should be that way with or without porn, or any other outside titillation.

I too believe it would be wrong for me to ask him to change for ME. I want him to discontinue this habit because he does not want me looking at naked men and I respect that. Since I am respectful of his wishes, he needs to be respectful of mine as well. This would be a completely different situation if he would be comfortable allowing me to look at those types of images when he wasn't around, but he's not.

And thats the real problem, he doesn't want you to do it, so he shouldn't do it either, but he wants to do it. What a dilemma, a self made conflict between insecure people, who have made an issue of what they can and can't do. Lack of communications based on fear. Thats right, you both are afraid of what the other does without you thats threatens you both. FEAR, or why else would he care, and why should you? Trust me, you will talk this thru, and reach a reasonable compromise. And neither of you will have to be insecure about losing attention, or attraction of the other, thru honest communications, and telling each other why you feel the way you do. This will bring you closer, when you get to that point, as long as you keep talking, and listening, honestly, to each other. Porn isn't an issue with experienced happy people, they don't have time to make it one

I have been brutally honest with myself and with my boyfriend and I have never said that the problem lies solely within him. I know the way HE AND I BOTH are handling it is why there is so much conflict in our relationship. I've more than owed up to my HALF, it's his turn to own up to his.

As long as he does own up to what you define is his half, and does it your way. Gotcha! How about owning ALL yours, and let him handle ALL of his, in his own manner.

With all of that I am happy to say we're getting better at talking these things through(without him getting defensive or me being aggressive) and things are looking up. But he knows I am firm in my belief that porn is not a healthy part in OUR relationship and I will not accept it. I would rather be alone than share my man.

You aren't sharing him, and you give him no choice but to lie, and hide what he does with his own private moments, for his own private reasons. Everybody, married, single, male, female needs that space to call there own, just them. Be as firm in your belief as you please, but if its not porn, it would be something else you don't like, that you demand him not to do.

Stay with communicating, and keep an open mind, so you can understand that making adjustments to compromise, and respect his beliefs, or habits, can be accomplished. because lets face it, your firm beliefs mean nothing when weighed against what he believes do they. before you say he agrees with you, we know thats not true, doesn't have to be because you will define OUR relationship together, and if you cannot adjust to the benefit of you both, there will be no OUR in YOUR relationship.

Sorry I know I am very blunt, but our values are different, Naw, I don't think so because, I think we both value honesty and loyalty, we differ as to the standard of it. Or maybe what constitutes honesty or loyalty.

Actually I recognize that you may be the more emotionally mature one, and I have no doubt you overwhelm him sometimes, but back off and give OUR relationship some space, and time to grow. It's a process, not an instant quick fix.

Me, I don't feel threatened by how my wife handles her titillating side, nor does she feel threatened by how I handle mine. Someday, neither will you. And then there will be no reason for this to be a conflict between you, and he won't have to submit to your will to keep peace.

[QLP]

One of the things that jumps out at me here is that he doesn't want you looking at naked men but he can look at naked women because that's a bloke thing. Poor excuse for double standards in my book.

Have you two agreed to both give up looking at pictures of naked people and he is breaking the rules in secret? Or have you decided unilaterally to forgo it because he doesn't like it and therefore expect him to do the same?

Why does porn make you question yourself worth and sexual ability? Does your man actually compare you to porn stars or ask you to perform the way they do? If not, then why is it competition?

How is porn sharing your man? Do you mean the time he spends looking at it could be spent with you? We all need some personal time. Or do you feel jealous that he may become aroused from something other than yourself? Do you not do anything that could be considered tittilating, such as read erotic or romantic books or watch chick flicks?

[Blondebarber]

Ok people all of you have very great points but with that being said I
Don't think anybody could
Understand until they are the ones
Living! It's very very very hurtful! And as far as SHARING hum with porn I def understand what u mean! I'm my situation we had sex everyday maybe 2 3 or 4 times then all of the sudden it went to 1 week then 2 weeks and now it's just flat out sport f!! ing if I can even get that! What I mean by that is that our sex use to b full of
Passion and love
Now if I'm even lucky enough to get
It there's no passion it al

Ost feels like a Forced Issue, and I did t even ask for it's like he thinks o sh!t I haven't banged my girl in a while better bang her to later and it's just not the same I can always tell when he has or hasn't just by how he f. ks that night ! Needless to say HIGHLY annoying!

O also whe I approach him about it I don't know how to handle myself yet so usually I go from a great mood to instantly pissed I don't say much unless he brings it up then we both end up in an argument how he thinks I'm selfish and I think he's selfish

[Joy&Peace]

Firstly, expressing that you are uncomfortable with porn in your relationship is not a sign of your insecurity. It is an indication that you are confident enough to state your emotional needs.

Secondly, as a grown man, it is up to him whether he continues to watch it, given that he knows how it makes you feel. Once he has made that decision, it is up to you, as a grown woman, to decide whether you can live with knowing that it will be a part of your relationship going forward, or whether it is time to move on. We can't control another person, we can simply state our needs, observe whether they are met, and make our own decisions accordingly.

[hplessromantic]

I have the same problem. I'm 21 and I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years living together for 2 and him watching porn is the ONLY problem I have. It just gets me so angry. Why does he need to look at other females? Am I not good enough for him? Its like I'm worried EVERY time he's home alone. I always caught him on the computer searching "barley legal" and visiting all sorts of sites every chance he was alone.so as soon as he got his iPhone first thing he searched was porn. FML! So I confronted him and now he deletes his history ALL the time. Whenever I get the chance to browse through his phone its completley deleted. I KNOW he's looking at it but I just don't have the evidence to prove it. DOES HE NOT CARE HOW IT MAKES ME FEEL? He is getting off to another moaning woman's naked perfect body! It makes me sick. I consider it cheating and that is just how I feel and its not going to change.