[CharlesHello7]

My girlfriend and I started dating the day of our high school graduation. We stayed together while she went to college in New York for a year only to come back and have another year together where we lived together. I made the move to Chicago and we attempted to do the long distance thing again. It worked until I got back for spring break at which point she said we should try being single to do what's best for our relationship�.

I thought this to be rather harmless but nevertheless I learned from her after about 4 weeks she had slept with my best friend. I returned over summer to talk with her face to face and there were many days of talking. Eventually she came to the conclusion she loved me but wasn't in love with me�. I slithered around on my belly for her and ended up with the short end of the stick in being dumped.

She's continuing to see my friend who is the suave, sexy James Dean, musician type who doesn't bring anything other than that. He's unemployed and does drugs all the time but he's got a real charm. I tried to put on my best Paul Newman impression to deal with the dumping and just deal with it like so many people say you need to do but it's hard. She's currently still screwing this guy.

In our relationship we rarely fought over anything more than Why'd you eat all the frosted flakes. Sorry, I'll get more. Ok.� We had a great sex life, made each other happy and laughed. We agreed on just about everything. I've never had a more perfect person. But perhaps I'm putting her on a pedestal since she broke my heart.

Of course now she tells me she wants to stay friends. We went out to eat and she she started crying a little when we got back into good conversation that reminded her of old times. We went to a movie and had a good time and then a walk afterword with no talking about the situation at all. I want to be her friend but I feel like an emotional crutch or one of her girlfriends� while my friend is sleeping with her. I drove past her place last night on my way home because it's on the route and saw my friends car outside and her lights off. That hurts, but I didn't make a fool of myself and call her to yell at her. She's been calling me a lot but I told her when I leave I don't want her to call me cause it makes me think about her. I still see the fact she loves me but without the constant physical presence she can't deal and remember who I am. Is that bull****?

My last night in town before leaving for Chicago and summer school we met at a bar with our friends and went outside to talk. I ended up yelling at her and calling her a "*****" and told her to "**** off" and not call me. I lost it which I hadn't done all break. And now I feel bad ending on a bad note and making that her final image of me. But I don't want to be submissive and call to apologize over something I feel strongly about.

My question is... now that I'm living for myself without any contact from her is it possible to get back with her in the future and resolve these problems? And even if it is possible is it worth it? The constant reminder of how good things use to be always brings me back to trying to fix the situation. Should I contact her after a certain amount? Is cutting her off completely from contact suicide for this relationship?

[amicon]

Not cutting her of completely is putting yourself in the backseat and allowing her to keep you on hold as an emotional crutch whenever she feels inclined to throw you a couple of crumbs.

Don't!

Go NC-start putting your life back together-move on and heal from this toxic mess.

[ironhide262]

Haven't you rolled around in the dirt enough for this girl?

Why would you now or in the future, want to get back together? How could you forget or get past what she has done? It only makes sense that since she did the dumping, it would have to be her doing all the heavy work to get back together!

You need to start focusing on yourself instead of ways to try to salvage something that has been dead for a while. If you stick to NC I'm sure you will gain a better perspective about her and you. Those "constant reminders" will become less and less as time goes by.

[talaniman]

My question is... now that I'm living for myself without any contact from her is it possible to get back with her in the future and resolve these problems?

Anything is possible. But its been my experience that once you have let the emotional dust settle, and gotten involved with a life that makes you happy, you won't have time, or motivation to go back for more nonsense.

And even if it is possible is it worth it?

Not at the expense of your own healing, and rebuilding.

The constant reminder of how good things use to be always brings me back to trying to fix the situation. Should I contact her after a certain amount?

NO! Why keep looking back when you have far more important things to do for yourself. All you can be is her emotional tampon, and get sucked back into old feelings and memories, instead of looking forward to better options and opportunities, for a healthy, happy life.

Frankly, waiting for her and your friend to finish screwing around, so you can screw around with her again, is a stupid, waste of time.

Is cutting her off completely from contact suicide for this relationship?

The relationship is already dead, so bury it, mourn, and move on from it to better things. Just so you know, 90% of people who get dumped feel EXACTLY the way you do with the same questions, wanting the same false hope that they get an ex back. They are oh so willing to trade their dignity, and self respect, to get an ex back. They always get more misery and pain, holding on to friendship, instead of a proper healing.

Go ahead, apologize, say you are sorry, lets be friends, and be miserable when she tells you her problems, but never has time for your needs any more. No guy, let her cry to her girlfriends about her problems, she won't dump them, or give them false hope for more than just a good cry when she is bored, or feeling down.

[amicon]

Anything is possible. But its been my experience that once you have let the emotional dust settle, and gotten involved with a life that makes you happy, you won't have time, or motivation to go back for more nonsense.


Not at the expense of your own healing, and rebuilding.


NO! Why keep looking back when you have far more important things to do for yourself. All you can be is her emotional tampon, and get sucked back into old feelings and memories, instead of looking forward to better options and opportunities, for a healthy, happy life.

Frankly, waiting for her and your friend to finish screwing around, so you can screw around with her again, is a stupid, waste of time.


The relationship is already dead, so bury it, mourn, and move on from it to better things. Just so you know, 90% of people who get dumped feel EXACTLY the way you do with the same questions, wanting the same false hope that they get an ex back. They are oh so willing to trade their dignity, and self respect, to get an ex back. They always get more misery and pain, holding on to friendship, instead of a proper healing.

Go ahead, apologize, say you are sorry, lets be friends, and be miserable when she tells you her problems, but never has time for your needs any more. No guy, let her cry to her girlfriends about her problems, she won't dump them, or give them false hope for more than just a good cry when she is bored, or feeling down.

That says it all!