[Shopgirl]

I have met the most amazing guy in my whole life. We are perfect together its almost surreal. He is younger than me by two years but he’s so mature in so many ways I don’t even notice. We are both professional actors (we met playing opposites in a play). We now have to deal with getting cast in different plays and both of us are usually leading characters with some romantic interest playing opposite of us. I have done two plays since we got together where I have to make out with a guy onstage. I respect him so I never put myself in a compromising position outside of rehearsal… what happens stays on the stage in character. He has still been worried but, I’m glad he cares to a degree. He is now in a play where he has to schmooze on this girl and went out for drinks after rehearsal until 11:30 the other night. The problem is this: 1) he is a flirt. 2) he won’t admit it. 3) he has not hesitated to say he was in the wrong. 4) he didn’t want to call me because he didn’t want to worry me. 5) I spent the evening making a delicious turkey dinner for when he got done (supposed to be 9:30). 6) he never went for drinks with me when I played opposite him. 7)he says she has a boyfriend and I say then why don’t either of you want to respect your significant others? And why would you think that I wouldn’t respect and trust your choice if only you would have told me? 8) he says I’m blowing it out of proportion. 9) I've been cheated on in alsmost the same way three times before and he knows that... he knew that. 10) my heart is so heavy right now and it won’t go away. 10) he says he doesn’t want to marry for at least 5 years because of financial reasons. I don’t believe in moving in or premarital sex. If I stay with him I feel like it’ll take so much to get back to where we were. I also no longer trust him %100. What do I do? I want to marry this guy some day and it’s real.

[Synnen]

Okay... you don't trust him, but you want to marry him?

That sounds dumb.

If you can't trust him, break up with him and move on. There is no point in a relationship where there isn't communication and trust.

If you really want to marry him, either you'll both have to agree on where the limits are and you'll have to trust him to stay within the limits, or you'll have to consign yourself to being unhappy.

[Wildcat21]

No trust - no relationship.

[Nosnosna]

I have met the most amazing guy in my whole life. We are perfect together its almost surreal. He is younger than me by two years but he’s so mature in so many ways I don’t even notice. We are both professional actors (we met playing opposites in a play). We now have to deal with getting cast in different plays and both of us are usually leading characters with some romantic interest playing opposite of us. I have done two plays since we got together where I have to make out with a guy onstage. I respect him so I never put myself in a compromising position outside of rehearsal… what happens stays on the stage in character. He has still been worried but, I’m glad he cares to a degree. He is now in a play where he has to schmooze on this girl and went out for drinks after rehearsal until 11:30 the other night.

A few questions to set the stage:

How old are the two of you?
How long have you been dating?
Is this the first thing you've been worried about?
Did he go with the girl, or with a group from the cast? That makes a pretty big difference in what this might mean.

The problem is this: 1) he is a flirt. 2) he won’t admit it.

Some of us really don't know that we're flirts. I was flirting constantly for years with everyone I spoke to, without even recognizing that I was doing it. When somebody mentioned it to me, I dismissed them because I really didn't know.

3) he has not hesitated to say he was in the wrong.

That's a good thing.

4) he didn’t want to call me because he didn’t want to worry me.

That's a bad thing.

5) I spent the evening making a delicious turkey dinner for when he got done (supposed to be 9:30).

If he didn't know that you were cooking, then it has no bearing on anything... you can't be mad at somebody for not showing up for what they don't know about. If he did know, then that's another reason he should have, at the very least, called.

6) he never went for drinks with me when I played opposite him.

Most of us treat our different friends and coworkers differently. I may go bowling with one person and play pool with another, but that doesn't say anything about my relationship with either of them.

7)he says she has a boyfriend and I say then why don’t either of you want to respect your significant others? And why would you think that I wouldn’t respect and trust your choice if only you would have told me?

If there's no question that both of them have relationships, there's no reason to assume that not telling you everything he does in advance is a sign of disrespect.

8) he says I’m blowing it out of proportion.

You may be... we don't have enough information to know. On the other hand, that sounds a bit defensive on his part.

9) I've been cheated on in alsmost the same way three times before and he knows that... he knew that.

Don't project your past frustrations onto your current partner... different people are different, and if you assume everybody is like the people that hurt you in the past, you're going to be more worried about getting hurt again than about actually having the current relationship.

10) he says he doesn’t want to marry for at least 5 years because of financial reasons. I don’t believe in moving in or premarital sex.

Are you okay with waiting five years for marriage, or is he open to shortening that time frame? If both of those are no, then pack it in now, because you're not going to get more okay with it over time.

If I stay with him I feel like it’ll take so much to get back to where we were. I also no longer trust him %100. What do I do? I want to marry this guy some day and it’s real.

Figure out your trust issues. Otherwise, end it.

[verycurious]

I have met the most amazing guy in my whole life. We are perfect together its almost surreal. He is younger than me by two years but he’s so mature in so many ways I don’t even notice. We are both professional actors (we met playing opposites in a play). We now have to deal with getting cast in different plays and both of us are usually leading characters with some romantic interest playing opposite of us. I have done two plays since we got together where I have to make out with a guy onstage. I respect him so I never put myself in a compromising position outside of rehearsal… what happens stays on the stage in character. He has still been worried but, I’m glad he cares to a degree. He is now in a play where he has to schmooze on this girl and went out for drinks after rehearsal until 11:30 the other night. The problem is this: 1) he is a flirt. 2) he won’t admit it. 3) he has not hesitated to say he was in the wrong. 4) he didn’t want to call me because he didn’t want to worry me. 5) I spent the evening making a delicious turkey dinner for when he got done (supposed to be 9:30). 6) he never went for drinks with me when I played opposite him. 7)he says she has a boyfriend and I say then why don’t either of you want to respect your significant others? And why would you think that I wouldn’t respect and trust your choice if only you would have told me? 8) he says I’m blowing it out of proportion. 9) i've been cheated on in alsmost the same way three times before and he knows that... he knew that. 10) my heart is so heavy right now and it won’t go away. 10) he says he doesn’t want to marry for at least 5 years because of financial reasons. I don’t believe in moving in or premarital sex. If I stay with him I feel like it’ll take so much to get back to where we were. I also no longer trust him %100. What do I do? I want to marry this guy some day and it’s real.

Wow you sound just like a friend of mine. She asks me this kind of stuff in the same rapid like manner as well and I'm proud to say I've guided her well throughout the years. Just establishing my credibility lol.
Anyway, trust I believe is the defining factor that makes or breaks a relationship let alone a marriage. I say trust him for now, since he hasn't done anything yet, but it doesn't mean you should just wait to get your heart ripped out and stomped on. If I were you I would also set up a double date (or a meeting with just the three of you, which I think is better since you can make her jealous and give yourself the pleasure of tormenting her and also show how much in love you guys are) so I can see personally how they act toward each other and it gives the other girl a chance to see who you are as well so that IF they start to cheat she has a face to go with the word "his girlfriend" which I think will at least hinder if not stop the foolishness.

Hope this helps.
Cheers.

[Sentra]

I have a feeling you are trying for something that will take more heartache than you are willing to muster and sacrifice. As you describe him in saying he doesn't want to marry for at least a few years, its almost like saying he isn't ready for a commitment which may be a good move (just for now), because acting does take a lot of travel, you get placed into roles that will require and involve blind trust from an offset significant other.

I wish you all the best, and urge you not to pursue this man any longer. In the end, you will have saved a bit more heartache than you would have gotten.

[Bluerose]

"Am I being ridiculous?

YES!

Sorry but you answered your own question. Move on, sweetie. Life is short and it is later than you think.

[chuff]

I truly don't get your question. I think your leaving a lot out.

what happens stays on the stage in character.

So far, so good.

He is now in a play where he has to schmooze on this girl and went out for drinks after rehearsal until 11:30 the other night. The problem is this: 1) he is a flirt. 2) he won’t admit it. 3) he has not hesitated to say he was in the wrong.

I'm confused. Flirt or not, why would he be wrong for going out after work. Millions of people do that.

4) he didn’t want to call me because he didn’t want to worry me.

Not the greatest excuse I've ever heard but I still don't think that means anything.

5) I spent the evening making a delicious turkey dinner for when he got done (supposed to be 9:30).

But did he know that? If he did then you should be upset. If he didn't know you were making this dinner than I stand by him.

6) he never went for drinks with me when I played opposite him.

And that means what?

7)he says she has a boyfriend and I say then why don’t either of you want to respect your significant others? And why would you think that I wouldn’t respect and trust your choice if only you would have told me?

Do you have a rule between you that he must call and tell you where he's going at all times? I don't see how either of them was being disrespectful because you have a jealousy problem. I've gone out for drinks with hundreds of women to relax. It doesn't mean anything is going to happen.

8) he says I’m blowing it out of proportion.

So far I agree with him.

9) i've been cheated on in alsmost the same way three times before and he knows that... he knew that.

You've been cheated on by guys that went out for drinks? Or that was the excuse they gave?

I think there's more here your not telling us or you jumping down his throat for no reason.

10) my heart is so heavy right now and it won’t go away. 10) he says he doesn’t want to marry for at least 5 years because of financial reasons. I don’t believe in moving in or premarital sex.

Well stick to your beliefs.

But how long have you been going out? Is this relevant to his night out? I just am confused here. There seems to be a big missing piece of the puzzle.

If I stay with him I feel like it’ll take so much to get back to where we were. I also no longer trust him %100. What do I do? I want to marry this guy some day and it’s real.

Well whatever it is, If you don't trust him, it's not real.

[Kiddybaby]

You don't trust him because he went out with this girl... I understand that! But I have my own insecurity issues... so scratch that. Hmmm... I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years and he is a year and a half younger than me. One thing he has taught me is to trust and never assume. When you have concrete evidence then you deal with things at that point. Making assumptions can ruin a relationship and serve you no purpose. He told you where he was and who he was with... did he have other intentions... possible. Don't create things in your mind and treat it as though it is fact.

[talaniman]

I think because of the baggage you carry with you, you are not only insecure, but jealous to boot and may not be ready for a mature relationship, let alone need to be thinking of marriage. Slow down and give yourself room to grow. Think before you blow things out of shape.