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Leighton88 · May 16, 2011, 01:11 PM

I was just wondering, Me & my finacee got into a disagreement 2 months ago. He came home drunk with a friend, started being loud and I came out and asked him to be quiet (we have a 7 month old daughter) of course he wouldn't listen, so I pushed him, he pushed me back & we started yelling at each other. Then I called the cops. Basically what I wanted, was him out of the apartment for the night & to come home sober. Since we've been together, there's never been a problem with drinking, or us fighting like it. Of the 2 years we've been together that's the first time we ever pushed each other or yelled like that. So the cops came, he had already left. But then a couple days later, they came back and took him to the station, saying he has to go to court for "domestic violence." So he went to court, and they pushed his court date twice, (because they said he needed a lawyer to represent him.) then just 2 weeks ago his lawyer went in, plead not guilty and the case was pushed to September because it has to go to trial. We were just wondering what is going to happen next and why is he being charged? There was no abuse. AND NO I am not a battered woman. Im not saying all this to try protect him. I'm not pathetic like that. This whole thing is just a stupid misunderstanding. We have a healthy, strong relationship, we're getting married next summer. We just want this to be done and over with. Thank you :o

Eileen G · May 16, 2011, 03:24 PM

They are charging him because you called the cops and complained that he was being drunk and loud and aggressive. You could probably end it now by going to the police and telling them it was all a mistake, you should not have called and you pushed him first. If that doesn't work, you'll have to go to court and say it.

I agree it was unfair, you started pushing first, and you had no right to get physical with him. Now it's up to you to sort it out.

Fr_Chuck · May 16, 2011, 06:10 PM

Yes, he is being arrested because he ( and you) committed domestic violence assault on each other. In fact you are the one that should have been also charged since you pushed him first, if he pushed in self defense, he really perhaps should not be charged, but you instead.

But yes, if he touched you with aggression ( pushed).

It also could have been him throwing or punching even the walls.

The new laws in most US states, require it to be investigated if a complaint is made, and because too many abused women, change their minds the next day, even if you change you mind, they normally still arrest and charge him. They will not even need you to testify, they will use the 911 call, your report to the officers that night and so on.

If convicted of domestic violence it can take away his rights to have a gun permit and more. It will also be on his criminal record and hurt him in getting jobs.

Also as a note the police do not ( and can not even legally) make him just leave his own home for the night, That was 1950 or maybe 1980 but today he has legal rights, they can either arrest him, or tell him good night

Leighton88 · May 18, 2011, 02:14 PM

I had gone to the Police and they said its going to court, not because of the physical but because of the "verbal" abuse? I don't understand, its retarded I tried explaining, ALL couples argue, why does it matter? & I pushed him because he was getting VERY close to my face. Yelling. We live in canada? So guns are illegal here. His brother has actually been through the same thing and he got counseling for a year? And its pissing me off cause the cops keep telling him to plead guilty! But why would he do that? He didn't hit me, and I didn't hit him. That's the only time I think people should be charged. But his lawyer figures since its his first offence he'll probably get counseling & a fine. STILL A GIANT pain in the ***. And also yeah I called the cops but our neighbour across the hall called also.

DoulaLC · May 18, 2011, 02:35 PM

All couples argue, but it may have been what was said and the intensity of the situation. Since there was more than one call, that may have tipped the scale as well.

Anytime someone lays a hand on someone else in aggression, hit, slap, punch, and a push, it can be investigated and charges may be filed. Could you not have stepped back, walked away, gone to another room, etc. when he was in your face instead of pushing him?

Does his lawyer feel it could be dropped? Or has it gone too far for that now? You will be able to share your side of things in court. Costly lesson learned for everyone involved.

JudyKayTee · May 19, 2011, 01:19 PM

I'm sorry but people with a strong, healthy relationship don't come home drunk and disorderly, pushing and screaming each other. When you called the Police what result did you expect?

The Police are not an escort service. You complained. They found that your complaint was justified.

His brother also screams at his partner and pushes her around?

I think you both should get counselling. It will look good to the Court and keep this behavior from happening again.