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Queen of Hearts · Jan 26, 2007, 10:15 AM

My ex and I have dated for 3 years and been engaged for 2 of those years. At the time we also lived together and things were going so well until I found out that I was going to have to move to NC by the end of that year because of my job. And that he was going to move back home with his mother in Philly to help her take care of some financial issues she was having. Well things between us started to get rocky and were were arguing a lot. He told me that he was going to live with his mother just long enough for her to get on her feet and then he will be joining me in NC, but as time went by we argued even more. It got to a point that we didn't know who were were to each other. Later on I learned that he was cheating on with someone else wife and she knew me. He admitted to what he had done and told me that he was confused about things and that he needed some time just to clear his head of thing. He told me that he loves me and wants nothing more then to one day have me as his wife, but he need some time to get his self together in order to be the man that I need him to be. I didn't want for us to break up, but I felt that I need some time too. More than anything I wanted to work through our issues, and even seek out couples counseling. But he didn't want that. We have now been broken up for a year, and still kept in touch sometimes everyday and sometimes every week. He still tells me that he loves me and misses me and that he will always be in my life regardless of what happens or if we end up with someone else. And he will tell me that if we never get back together then he hopes that we will always remain friends. During the time apart we both an dated other people. But the more I date other people, the more I realize just how much I still love him and want to be with him. I thought that by now I would have gotten over him, but in this case absent has made my heart grow fonder. Apart of me wants to move on, and a part of me wants to wait for him to come back, but it has been a year. When we talk, I would ask him "is friend all we are ever going to be or are we going to be more then that again?" He always tell me the same thing, and that is "he does know yet or can't answer my question." I went to see him 2 weeks ago, because I needed to know if there was going to be a chance that we could start over fresh or just keep things like they are. We had a wonder full time and he was impress by the way that I looked and carried myself. He told me over and over that he still loves me and a part of him wants to come back to be with me, but a part of him is not ready. And when he decide that he is ready to get married then he still wants me for a wife. But as far as a relationship goes, he is just not ready right now. So I didn't say anything else about it. After I got home, he called a few times just to check on me. And now a few days has past and I haven't heard anything from him and he is not answering my calls or emails. Can someone please help me out here with some advice. How do I get my ex back, or is it just pointless to even try to get him back? :(

Synnen · Jan 26, 2007, 10:34 AM

He cheated on you with a married woman, can't give you a straight answer, won't do counseling, and is basically stringing you along.

Why do you WANT him back?

Wildcat21 · Jan 26, 2007, 10:39 AM

You' want to be with this guy why??

He just stringing you along.

He cheated on you as well?? How nice.

I would move on - this guy has major issues. You can't fix him.

I have a feeling he wants you around because he doesn't t obe alone, but doesn't want to ocmmint.

My STRONG advice would go with NO CONTACT for 3 months. Let him sit and stew. DO NOT ANSWER THE PHONE! DO NOT RETURN ANY E-MAILS. DO NOT RETURN ANY TEXT.

Make him make up his mind. You be busy with other stuff. Ok?

BUt if he's a heater - move on - he'll cheat again. Hell he probably has 2 gals now.

Maria72 · Jan 26, 2007, 10:53 AM

Originally Posted by Queen of Hearts

My ex and I have dated for 3 years and been engaged for 2 of those years. At the time we also lived together and things were going so well until I found out that I was going to have to move to NC by the end of that year because of my job. And that he was going to move back home with his mother in Philly to help her take care of some financial issues she was having. Well things between us started to get rocky and were were arguing alot. He told me that he was going to live with his mother just long enough for her to get on her feet and then he will be joining me in NC, but as time went by we argued even more. It got to a point that we didn't know who were were to each other. Later on I learned that he was cheating on with someone else wife and she knew me. He admitted to what he had done and told me that he was confused about things and that he needed some time just to clear his head of thing. He told me that he loves me and wants nothing more then to one day have me as his wife, but he need some time to get his self together in order to be the man that I need him to be. I didn't want for us to break up, but I felt that I need some time too. More than anything I wanted to work through our issues, and even seek out couples counseling. But he didn't want that. We have now been broken up for a year, and still kept in touch sometimes everyday and sometimes every week. He still tells me that he loves me and misses me and that he will always be in my life regardless of what happens or if we end up with someone else. And he will tell me that if we never get back together then he hopes that we will always remain friends. During the time apart we both an dated other people. But the more I date other people, the more I realize just how much I still love him and want to be with him. I thought that by now I would have gotten over him, but in this case absent has made my heart grow fonder. Apart of me wants to move on, and a part of me wants to wait for him to come back, but it has been a year. When we talk, I would ask him "is friend all we are ever going to be or are we going to be more then that again?" He always tell me the same thing, and that is "he does know yet or can't answer my question." I went to see him 2 weeks ago, because i needed to know if there was going to be a chance that we could start over fresh or just keep things like they are. We had a wonder full time and he was impress by the way that I looked and carried myself. He told me over and over that he still loves me and a part of him wants to come back to be with me, but a part of him is not ready. And when he decide that he is ready to get married then he still wants me for a wife. But as far as a relationship goes, he is just not ready right now. So I didn't say anything else about it. After I got home, he called a few times just to check on me. And now a few days has past and I haven't heard anything from him and he is not answering my calls or emails. Can someone please help me out here with some advice. How do I get my ex back, or is it just pointless to even try to get him back? :(

My opinion once a cheater always a cheater if he has cheated on your once there is a major chance he will do it again

Maria

chuff · Jan 26, 2007, 07:51 PM

If you want to be miserable for the rest of your life then tell him your open to being abused and welcome being his doormat.

If you want a much better life get him out of your life.

He has used you for 3 years. That should anger the hell out of you, not make you want him even more.

Sentra · Jan 26, 2007, 08:51 PM

I understand why you would want him back, the familiarity of the feelings you used to have towards him; just don't confuse familiarity with the past for neediness. You are making it sound like you need him emotionally, when really you are too attached to someone who obviously does not want you, dear.

A real man would climb mountains and swim oceans to be with the woman he loves, sounds like he is refusing to grab a compass.

You deserve someone who won't make you wait. Someone who will be true to you and be honest with you and someone who won't ever make you question their feelings, but you have to believe it for yourself first. Do you tend to fall into a pattern with men like him? Just curious, a lot of women do.

You deserve better, and if he can't handle that then he DOES NOT love you, and does NOT want you to be happy.

talaniman · Jan 27, 2007, 10:17 AM

I agree with Wildcat, to cut ALL ties with this guy and get a life because you need to stop swallowing his BS and see the truth, and move on and don't look back. You wrote this big long post, and your solution is short, Forget him and get a life you enjoy.

Geoffersonairplane · Jan 27, 2007, 05:27 PM

Your ex sounds like a wonderful human being, what superb qualities he has...

Sorry for the sarcasm but I mean it for your benefit, to open your eyes to the fact that he is not a good person and in actual fact, he probably never will be. Find someone who is genuine and can appreciate you for who you are..

Learn to love yourself and value who you are, find yourself worth and love will find you!