[janedoe2011]

I just seriously need some outsider advice on my relationship with my MIL. For nine years we have butted heads and my husband has been the between for all theses years. From the day that I met her she has not liked me. Now together we have four children how do we work around having her see the kids without drama? Pretty much for all these years my mil has always insulted me both directly/indirectly, has accused me of having an affair with my FIL, delibrately lied about me assaulting her (oh how convenient WE WERE ALONE all 3 times). These are all just to name a few of many drama's she has created. Back in late October of last year my husband and I were on the outs, we had separated for about a month and not once in that month had his mother called the kids to see how they were doing. But to this say she still is convinced that she kept contact. Nope, she lied. ALTHOUGH SHE DID however call/text her son to see how our babies were, when the kids were with me the entire time of our separation and he had seen them maybe 5 times. So I was very fed up with her, took it in my own hands and deleted her off my Facebook. Boy, did I hear it. About a day later she had sent me a message asking why I deleted her, I responded telling her that since we have no communication and nothing to talk about I deleted her. Not long after sending that she replied with a large message pretty much mad, insulting etc etc. I will mention that she said a lot of hurtful things. She drove me up the wall! I really shouldn't have responded but really I did have enough of her bullying and disrespecting me for so many years. I told her that I was DONE with her drama. I wanted nothing to do with her. But seriously deleting her out of my life is impossible. My husband and I have given her four grandchildren. My heart feels for our kids because they don't really know their paternal grandparents who live in another city. IDK really what to do, or how to deal with this situation. My MIL just won't accept that I am and always will be her daughter in law. Now my question is how do deal with this? With all her lying, everything? Iam attaching an email that she sent my husband in November. And trust me it still continues. I have covered my name so that I can keep somewhat of a hidden identity. Here I copied and pasted the mail. (PLEASE BE ADVISED THAT THE EMAIL HAS SWEARING)



show details 11/25/10
Son
I don't ****in believe this. I call the house phone and I can't get through because your so call women there blocks my number I call on your cell and I can't get through there either. I find out from Martina that you have her deleted and I check mine and WHERE THE **** AM I deleted WHAT the **** is going on. I asked Xxxxx why she deleted me- her response was it wasn't working out so she had to clean up her Facebook of people she doesn't talk to WHAT THE **** IS THAT ****> I have evey one of my messages saved in my sent part and I have for some time copied and pasted all I send because I know she is so stupid and will delete my stuff out of your mail.

So with that - I started getting hateful disrespectful **** from her. Did I block her NO through all that **** because she has my grandchildren. But BE DAM sure I took her ignorant *** pictures off my photos after her big drunk *** show of out right disrepectful **** she said and I had friends that we had in common tell me to see. That's how I found out on her stupid **** when I thought I was just getting drunkass **** in my mail box.

I am your mother and you have ONE sister with a brother that is gone and your going to disrespect me with her and keep me deleted and your sister. Seriously WAKE UP What type of women would do this in any family to her parteners family. WHO - NO ONE except DUmb *** Xxxxx. If you stand by and let her do this I will not stand for this.

1... I can't get through on the phone
2... I can't call you on your cell - why Oh let me see_ RIGHT - Xxxxx ran the bill up so much in her eviel manipulating way so she can control who talks to you. That is why I got a number that the dumb *** didn't have because I know that would be one way to call you. NOW I can't get ahold of you.
3... Now other then that Facebook was there NOW ---NOT ****in there---

XXXXX has it set up in her computer to copy all passwords that is why she knows yours all the time and through outlook to always keep that stuff. Adam to has it on his old computer and I have it on mine now set up that way.

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO!! Are you going to let her treat you like this and your mother and sister. Right what about your dad. Xxxxx asked when you guys were down the second last time. I tried adding gerry she said I can't - she asked me if I know if he blocked her. I just looked at her. I told her to ask him herself. RIGHT have more concern about GERRY then us. Is all I thought.

I have asked her how the kids are doing and when I asked you when the kids birthdays are and you didn't even know either--- I asked Xxxxx the same time shortly after that DID I get an answer NO I didn't... only a few weeks back when you two where broken up then that is when she told me - other then that I would have never gotten an answer. That is the only time she has ever put some effort in to chatting. Other then that I would ask her how she is or how the kids were NO ****IN answer.

What I see is something we are upset with - with her. She turns it around and makes herself the victim when the truth is she is the one that does all this evil **** and RIGHT out has the gull to make it out that people are doing this to her.

DO I have a big problem with Xxxxx - YES I do RIGHT ****IN NOW. I tolorate her because you choose her to have as a partner. So I will be there for her. Just when things are going well she has to make a lot of drama about **** that we don't even know is coming.

The way I feel right now- I wish you would find a decent women. One with love and caring and kindness and understanding in her heart and Is from a normal family. One that has values and respect for all whom there around.

Remember that fight that Xxxxx had with her sister and they even had the iron out and who got that in the face. I seriously tell you to find out the truth on what her sister had and always wanted to tell you. It not about you and her sister supposidly making out. XXXXX wants her sisters mouth kept shut on something BIG. And that is where those fights are coming from. TARA has a secret that she wants to let out and I know that with out being there. XXXXX does not want you two being close because TARA honesty with good friends always wants to come out with the truth.
Do yourself a FAVOR and seek the truth on that. XXXXX from that day on has always tried to make TARA out to be a liar or just someone that drinks- YET she always says to make sure she plants this seed of thought with you. YOU CAN'T BELIEVE TARA IN WHAT SHE SAYS - just how many times have you heard that Son. XXXXX at her evilness making sure she tries to get everyone else to believe it to. RIGHT> there is something there and for your own good find out the truth. Her past ex's to have nothing to say but she is a trouble maker and pycho.

NOW she starts in on Martina- RIGHT -

WE have heard that you have raped XXXXX - right from XXXXX to Martina. NOW if she told Martina that who else has she told?? That to. That was told just before Brandon was born. This rape what we understand came when - at the start of your guys meeting I do understand you both were togather for some time by then -so I guess she is saying you raped her while you guys were a couple though. IS THERE ANY TRUTH TO THAT?? I want to know because that is what is being said and is going around now - did you know that? What was Xxxxx hoping this would do to us hearing that- I think she wanted us to turn our backs on you?? RIGHT as if that would ever happen- this is what I mean she is in need of some serious help.

I also understood that you would slap the **** out of me for her. IS THIS TRUE TO?? I want to know that to. HOW dare you ever think like that if that is true? I AM YOUR ****IN MOTHER. I told dad what I heard and he has a good dam answer for you. HE HATES XXXXX. YES he blocked her because she was being a pest to him on Facebook when you were here just over a year ago. HE just puts up with her to. I'am sick of putting up with her and her stupid *** ways. I feel for my grandchildren and I feel for you. Because Hun you deserve better. I will let you know Martina to keeps all because of the stupid **** she always tries to tell her about you.

I have a life and right now my best part of my life is my grandchildren. I remember when XXXXX would tell your son that chucky lived here. WHAT a SICK ***** to keep him away and I don't forgive her for that.

I have been hit by her in drunkin state she gets in while there and you think that is the first time at your place. NOT I got pushed to the ground when you lived next door to me I have been pushed again from behind when I didn't know it was coming on Broad street. That's three and that is it. DID I hit her back NO I DIDN't WHY because she is the mother to my grandchildren and I would not in my life stup so low as her. With no respect. DO I go and tell you the **** I put up with from her. NO I DON'T I am to the point of HATING her. I am to kiss her *** and have her control what I say on Facebook at her request because she didn't like what I had to say. **** THAT If she did anything right I would be in my glory. BUT NO not a loser ***** like her. To make such drama in a family of yours makes her a loser at the greatest length. You guys have been together like close to 9 years and in that whole time got Christmas gifts only last year. Thank You and other then that NOTHING. For and the same for Martina, Daiton and your Dad. Some ****in daughter in law / sister-inlaw/ aunty. Not even a birthday wish for any of us from her **** month. This is from day one... Is she any better of a person or kinder to anyone NO. Xxxxx is ugly from the inside out and what can I do but accept her ugly evil her when our with her. I pray for you and me and especially for her to be a good person. Do you know how many prayers that has been for her. She is just evil all around and through. That's all I make of that.

FIND yourself a real women. A REAL WOMEN.

Last but least SON I have seen what I seen with XXXXX and your DAD and there is nothing in this world that can change that. I speak the truth on that - that is why she hates me so much because I told and I will always tell my children what I know and see. I have always in my life told the truth on such matters . As for aunt Joe- she told me what she seen and she told me get GERRY and you and I together and let see him try to deny what I seen with him and his daughter in law. OH XXXXX doesn't like her to- right- that's because I did get us all together - that being Gerry, aunt Joe and myself. Aunt Joe said she would bring it up in a manner and you just listen. I did. Dad was parked by your old place wascana and so dad was in the driver seat and I was in the passenger seat and Joe in the back. She started to make fun of how some men mess around with there daughter in laws, she did that a few times about where in the city and so on. I looked at your dad for a response and nothing he just looked forward and Joe said to your dad there is no denying that now is there Gerry. He looked at me and then looked kind of downwards and straight ahead and didn't say a word. I don't like Joe and though that was when we all lived as neighbors- you being next door to me. This is how it was first brought to my attention. I didn't want to believe it so after that I kept an open eye. I WAS TOLD MYSELF BY SOMEONE WHO THOUGHT I SHOULD KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON. How ****in embarrassing is that. I don't like Joe for my reasons to do with my Dad who I would stand up for because he is my Dad. Why does XXXXX not like her. Oh is that because Joe has something on Xxxxx personal that is what I think why xxxxx doesn't like her.

I will tell you what is really stupid and looks like there is a SILENT/- GIVE A DIG FIGHT GOING BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE MEANING THEM on your wall where you are single and Chad likes that and your Dad left a comment and there is Xxxxx liking what dad said What's with that. It looks weird when you are just the person that became single from her. She just had to find a not so obvious place to try to insult your dad in cheap secret way.

I Love you and always will because I have only you and Martina and you both mean the world to me. When I told you there is nothing anyone could say to me about my children- there isn't anything. - that is unconditional love at best and top tops of anything in the world. I am solid as a rock when it comes to family. What to pisses me off is that just when your sister got better from her trama and on the healing side andwants to rebuild a good solid relationship with her brother - XXXXX acts like the biggest loser deletes us and says **** and then either she deleted us off your Facebook and blocked us or you did? I expect to see a add request back there from you- she doesn't know how to back up family at all just like Mona. That is what I don't like about her with her jelly back bone. I don't have any respect for weakness like that. Those kind of people can't be trusted for nothing. And that's where she falls weak at in my eyes and always has.

You can call the house collect you know that.
Home number xxx xxx xxxx
cell xxx xxx xxxx k

If you want employment here in xxxxxxxx I talked to cousin Andy and he gave me some names for you to send your resume into because there hiring right now big time here in xxxxxxxx. Did you know guys that work on service rigs make less then the guys that work on the other type of rig by a big difference. Keep this in Mind. There is work and they need workers right now.

I Love You, Always remember that Honey. Your still my son. Always
Love Mom xoxox <3 <3 <3 <3

[QLP]

What stance does your husband take?
If you are going to get anywhere with this you need to start by having a united front in terms of how you deal with her. She is trying to divide and conquer.

[janedoe2011]

My Husband stands beside me when it comes to all this crazy nonsense drama. We are both fed up with her accusations, intrusiveness and manipulating ways. There's no way of controlling the situation by neither of us. MIL has always been this way to me for years. It is and has been very stressful for my husband and I. We have had a load of problems in our relationship that involved her.

[QLP]

Ok, so your husband is on side, that's good.

Now how exactly does he handle all this? Does he just agree with you that she is out of order or does he actually stand up to her and make it clear that her comments are unacceptable? How did he respond to the e-mail? Does he point out to her that he expects her to respect his wife?

[dontknownuthin]

Since your husband supports you, stop talking to her or spending time with her and keep your kids away from her.

We all want to permit grandparents to see our kids, but if the grandparent is inappropriate, you put the kids first and don't force a relationship.

Create your own family and move on. Don't announce it, just stop.