[mm0411]

Help! My sister-in-law is dying of cancer, our sister, without my knowledge, asked my brother if I could come and see her. My brother and I are not close, never have been, no contact at all. I don't want to see either of them, hopefully he'll say no. I think a letter would be better but I don't know what to say. Any suggestions?

[JudyKayTee]

I'm confused. Your brother's wife is dying, you're not close to her or him, your sister asked your brother if you could come and see him and his dying wife? Why? What is the purpose of your visit?

Even if he says yes I see no responsibility on your part to go and visit.

Death bed reunions/confessions are a very bad idea.

When my husband was dying one of his estranged relatives thought it would be a really good idea to come and "get some closure." I didn't think so - and neither did my husband.

I don't even know what you would say in a letter. If you haven't been part of their lives and everyone is at least at terms with that, why reopen old wounds?

Again, what is the purpose of the letter and/or visit?

[mm0411]

I have no idea what my sister was thinking and after reading your answer I know what to say when I talk to her about this, why I don't want to see them and why it's a bad idea, even if they agree.

Thank you very much for your honesty and for sharing your own experience.

[JudyKayTee]

Not at all - I'm sure your sister wants everybody to "make nice," not leave open issues. She's probably well intended, just not thinking straight.

Thanks for the compliment.