[amicon]

Face the truth and act accordingly.

You'll be happy you did a couple of months down the line.

[BetrayedPA]

Yes, I am having a hard time letting go. After five years and me being ready to propose I honestly believed she was the woman I would spend the rest of my life with. It's sad, but even after what she did, I have trouble sleeping and wake up in the morning in a panic because I can't bare the thought of life without her.

Just to be sure, I went through the tmobile call logs again. One thing I am certain of, is she did receive the message I heard from her boss at 1am. It did say, I miss you and sorry I couldn't see you tonight, etc. But I know for a fact that night she was at home and had messages me at 11pm. And the same the prior night. So, it would have been impossible for her to have been with him on those two days unless he came over after.

While the message is definitely an indicator that something happened between them at some point. I can't be sure when. Now that I look at the call logs again, their conversation (at least on the # I know) is sporadic. Sometimes a week or more in between. Although they do see each other at work. And there would be somewhat of a legtimate reason for them to be talking or texting. A lot of texts happen after work hours (8pm, 9pm, 10pm). The kicker is a 7 minute phone call at 2:28am on December 18th. A minute after she called me drunk and told me she was going to bed.

It's obvious she lied. And maybe at one point (when we were broken up or not) had some sort of inappropriate reltionship with him. But for some reason I can't but help thinking maybe the message was just him being drunk and there was nothing currently going on. Maybe she felt she had to give in to the messages because her job was in his hands. Maybe not, and I am completely naïve.

[BetrayedPA]

I have a call log of every txt and phone call between them from October to present. Do I send it to the Boss's wife with a description of the message I heard? On one hand it is extremely spiteful. On the other hand, as a spouse, I would want to know.

[Synnen]

Nope. You don't get that luxury.

You just need to break it off with your girlfriend and walk away from the whole mess.

Besides--the wife isn't going to believe you anyway.

[amicon]

Leave it,chances are she either knows or will find out sooner rather than later-concentrate on moving on from the lies and the cheating.

[jmjoseph]

Consider yourself lucky, a little bit anyway.

Lucky for finding out BEFORE the wedding.

A loving relationship is based on mutual trust.

The world is full of women who know how to be faithful. Go find one of those.

Stop wasting your time on this cheater. Let her "husband" have her.

Good luck to you.

[vanheart]

Not sure what that's going to do. Just a waste of time now. More drama.

The trust is already gone. And probably been gone for a while.

Just NC, now.

Let her deal with her own life lessons.

[BetrayedPA]

I agree. Probably not good to get involved in someone else's failing marriage. Let it fall apart on its own and I don't want to be the cause. Even though it makes me furious at the thought his wife is in the dark like I was; everyday going out of our way to be faithful and doing things for our significant others - while they were doing whatever.

What bothers me the most is not having closure after 5 years of being faithful. And, the fact that she denies it and claims that nothing ever happened and the message didn't exist. I just want her to admit it. How about emailing her the log and simply asking her why? The last we spoke I never mentioned I found the proof that she called her voicemail. And, I believe she has no idea I was able to access the records for the past year. She will probably deny it again. But right now I think she's living her life thinking that I have no proof. It's juvenile, but maybe she'll at least suffer a portion of what I've gone through knowing that I know.

But best case scenario, maybe she'll admit it. And I'll be able to move on much easier. And not have doubts for the rest of my life.

[Wondergirl]

Even though it makes me furious at the thought his wife is in the dark like I was

His wife may be more aware of his probable infidelities than you can imagine. If she thinks she has a lot to lose in a divorce, she may be closing her eyes.

But right now I think she's living her life thinking that I have no proof. It's juvenile, but maybe she'll at least suffer a portion of what I've gone through knowing that I know.

She knows you know, but is floating down a river called Denial. Don't push for what you consider closure. She will always float along on that river. All you would be doing is trying to one-up her. Just walk away. That would be the best solution.

[vanheart]

Dude, this IS your closure. May not seem that way.

Your peace of mind without someone you can't really trust. Im sure you don't want that anyway.

Karma has its way. Don't worry about her or the wife. Not your business anymore.

Just live well. And look out for the bad ones out there next time.

[vanheart]

Its normal to want revenge, but that's futile.

What? Have her tell you that she lied & wanted this other guy the whole time, as you were her solid BF?

Or, I love you, & I will never do that again, I promise.

See my point?

My ex dumped me after 5 years for someone else. Over the phone.

I went NC. Immediately. Never faltered. Its really the only way.

If you have to put blame (which also doesn't serve a purpose) Blame yourself.

For not using your gut earlier. Or getting with her to begin with.

There's cool women out there. Just got to use your experiences & radar..

You'll be OK. Takes time & some personal soul searching.

Cheers.

[BetrayedPA]

You were all right. Before reading your responses, I sent her the log. And, said, look, I know the truth it's right here plain as day, you don't have to deny it. If you will just be honest with me, perhaps we can work it out no matter how bad it is. Her response, "Thanks, Stalker. Believe whatever you want. We're friends and we work together. It's a blessing things happened the way they did. I don't want to have anything to do with someone who makes crazy accusations and doesn't respect my privacy. Good riddance".

I guess it's exactly what I expected. Even when I heard the message. Had the proof he left it. And saw that she called and texted him multiple times at hours when no woman should be texting her married boss (2:45am, etc.) she turns it around to place the fault solely on me, continues to deny and cause doubt.

Makes me think I'm crazy. And might have actually believed it based on how defensive and adamant she is; if I hadn't heard the voicemail. The scary part is it is actually crossing my mind that maybe his message telling her "he missed her, etc."; was innocenet? No, that can't be. Why couldn't I have somehow gotten a copy of the message?! How could I have spent five years of my life with someone who could blatently lie. In all honesty, maybe she believes she didn't do anything wrong?

[vanheart]

Hope you got your closure.

See? She got exactly what she wants. Him. Without guilt. (again)

Some people are just twisted. Don't let it screw with you anymore.

Time to move on.

[mystific]

You're never going to get an honest answer out of her because she doesn't realise what she is. Worse thing is, she doesn't think she's doing anything wrong.

Im quoting myself because I'm to lazy to retype it.

Makes me think I'm crazy. And might have actually believed it based on how defensive and adamant she is; if I hadn't heard the voicemail. The scary part is it is actually crossing my mind that maybe his message telling her "he missed her, etc."; was innocenet? No, that can't be. Why couldn't I have somehow gotten a copy of the message?! How could I have spent five years of my life with someone who could blatently lie. In all honesty, maybe she believes she didn't do anything wrong?

No you're making yourself chase your own tail trying to justify how you didn't see this trait in her earlier. The screwball will be when you start thinking if she's done this before and you start thinking back to if she texted at silly times and said it was a girlfriend she was replying too. What would you get from having a copy of the message? She's burnt her bridges you've heard the proof what would you want it for except to torture yourself with it. You could have the guy standing in front of her saying it and she'd blow it off and make you second guess your own beliefs.

Time to pick yourself up, dust it off, put it down to 'life experience' and move on. Just means you'll be that little bit wiser next time around.. and aware of what 'could' be going on.

[amicon]

Close the book now.

She is who she is and now she's no longer in your life.

You dodged a bullet.

In days to come you'll be thankful you did.

[BetrayedPA]

Well, I thought it would help. But it just made it worse. Based on her response that it was me who "is making crazy accusations" and being adamant that they are "just friends and coworkers". I feel guilty and to blame. All that I can seriously think about is what if the message was innocent? Or if the calls and texts were innocent and they WERE just friends? Or, if something happened in the past (i.e. when we were broken up) and he is still hung up on her.

I just don't understand. If it were me and I spent five years in a relationship constantly telling the person I wanted to marry them. And they were under the mistaken belief that I was having an affair. Even though I would be mad for them invading my privacy; I would do everything I could to make it right. Her response, is to call me "crazy" and still say no message ever existed. Claim that she calls and texts her "friends" late at night.

She then goes further to tell me "it's a blessing things happened the way they did" and SHE "refuses to be with someone who jumps to conclusions or makes accusations".

I mean, she did give me her t-mobile login? And, to be honest, I was with her or talking to her almost all the time; it would have been very difficult for her to see him. Unless, he would sneak over after she said she was going to bed. Or, during lunch at work. I mean the logistics would have been very difficult. Maybe she was innocent? But how can that be? I listened to the message three times, he called her "princess", said he "missed her" and "was going to keep his promise to her"... and it was at 1am!

And, I'm the one who is devistated, unable to sleep, just thinking about how I will never find anyone that I shared so much with. And just content to say "everything happens for a reason". It's what she said the time we broke up 2 years ago.

[talaniman]

You are repeating yourself.

While I fully understand the frustration you feel, its time to leave her alone, so you can get your head together.

Its been stuck up her butt far to long so get some fresh air and look around at the rest of the world.

Nice rants though.

[amicon]

Stop going round in circles-make the choice to put it behind you.

The option is to swim around in this c**p for a long time-now that sounds like a waste of time,don't you think?

[BetrayedPA]

I just received an email from her. Essentially it said this: you were right, I lied to you. My boss did leave me the message. He was really drunk and didn't remember what he said. I didn't tell you the truth because I was worried how you would take it. He and I became "very close" when you and I broke up. I cut some ties with him when we got back together, but we still kept in touch. Yes, the voicemail sounded affectionate, but we have a very affectionate relationship. However, we are just friends. He is the type of person that is very touchy, feely, etc. Whether you like it, I will continue to be friends with men in my life. It is your preogative but I cannot promise you that I will not maintain a relationship with him. As we are friends and work together. But I can promise you that it is an innocent relationship.

[vanheart]

Ha!

You will never be able to trust her.
She can't have her cake & eat it too. Doesn't work that way.

You don't need this. Go NC now. She's made her bed.
Too late.